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The New England Patriots Have Won ZERO Super Bowls Since Releasing Tim Tebow. Coincidence or God’s Will? – Stop Masturbation Now

The New England Patriots Have Won ZERO Super Bowls Since Releasing Tim Tebow. Coincidence or God’s Will?

Tim Tebow throws another touchdown pass!

Every NFL fan knows that The New England Patriots have dominated the sport for the past decade, compiling a winning percentage that is by far the best in the league while winning three Super Bowls in the process.  Two seasons ago, the team were poised to continue their dominance for the next decade when management brought in God’s Favorite Quarterback®, Tim Tebow, to replace incumbent and aging quarterback, Tom Brady.

Tim Tebow and Tom Brady share a moment.
Tim Tebow and Tom Brady share a moment.

Tim Tebow was blessed by God with the talent and charisma to lead his team to victories on the field and spread the Word off it (and on it).  While attending the University of Florida, Brother Tim won the Heisman Trophy in 2007, lead his team to a championship in 2008 and a 13–1 season in 2009.  While in the NFL, Tim guided the Denver Broncos to the playoffs and set the league record for demonstrative on field praying, a record that stands to this day.

Tebow's record-setting prayer.
Tebow’s record-setting prayer.

While preparing for his first season with the Patriots, Brother Tim held a players-only prayer meeting where he told the story of Lonnie Childs and the STOP Masturbation NOW ministries.  He implored them all to take the pledge of self-celibacy and to accept Lonnie’s Golden Shower of Grace and Forgiveness.   While some players immediately took the pledge, several of the dastardly atheist players complained to the coaches and Tim was subsequently released from the team.

By besmirching Tim, God and Lonnie Himself, the Patriots thought they were above the Holy Word.  For the sin of pride, God has cursed the Patriots and they have won ZERO Super Bowls since.

 

About Lonnie Childs 38 Articles
Hello, my name is Lonald "Lonnie" Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement. Please visit my Facebook page here, https://www.facebook.com/LonnieSMN and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here, https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie
Contact: Website

9 Comments on The New England Patriots Have Won ZERO Super Bowls Since Releasing Tim Tebow. Coincidence or God’s Will?

  1. They’ve also won zero Super Bowls since they got caught cheating. So cheating must be God’s will. That’s good news, because I have a Chemistry exam coming up that I can’t be arsed to study for. And if I get caught, I can scream about being persecuted for my beliefs. Win/win.

  2. If God’s will is for someone to win a football game, then I wonder what his will is for poor, starving, beaten, and abused people.

    • Probably to hear from pass by’s that their football team is doing good, I guess. Yay God your will be never questioned, even though you could totally help those people who actually need help, but hey your God

    • “If God’s will is for someone to win a football game, then I wonder what his will is for poor, starving, beaten, and abused people.”

      I don’t know, how many touchdowns will these poors score?

  3. Since releasing Tim Teabag. What a joke. That was only two seasons ago and Tim couldn’t throw a ball to save his life. Maybe instead of praying to his imaginary friend he should have spent more time practicing. I guess he thought his imaginary friend would take care of business for him. If was so great why is not even in the NFL anymore. What kind of god would do this to young man? Maybe you people should try masturbation, to help release the fog in your heads.

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