“The Simpsons” Marathon Begins; Masturbation Rates Immediately Drop 25%

The Simpsons

Cable television channel FXX started a publicity stunt today where they are showing every episodes of “The Simpsons” in a marathon format. The marathon is to run without interruption until Labor Day and began at 10:30am this morning.

The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow noticed a 25% drop in masturbatory acts that began at the same time the Simpsons marathon began. Faith Researcher Aaron Scott said, “It seems we’ve found a definite correlation between fans of ‘The Simpsons’ and masturbators. While this is not as a high of a correlation between fans of ‘Family Guy’ and masturbators, it is still a significant finding.”

Faith Graph

Scott noted that he and his colleagues expect the rates to even out again once the “short attention span” of the “average masturbator” kicks in or when the marathon reaches Season 9 and the episode “The Principal and the Pauper” airs. Scott added, “Once it gets to Season 9 even the most diehard fan of the show will go back to their normal routine, which faith facts have proven for at least 1 in 4 four Simpsons fans means committing the crime of self-rape.”

About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

8 Comments on “The Simpsons” Marathon Begins; Masturbation Rates Immediately Drop 25%

  1. I believe the only cartoon character to register an increased occurrence of self rape has been Jessica Rabbit. Normally, cartoons only influence masturbation among the truly depraved.

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