The Star Trek’s Dr. Spock, Leonard Nimoy, Dies at 83

Pastor Lonnie Childs: "Masturbation Not Very Logical"

LOS ANGELES, CALIF. — Leonard Nimoy, the sonorous, gaunt-faced actor who won a worshipful global following as Dr. Spock, the resolutely logical human-alien first officer of the Starship Enterprise in “The Star Trek” television and movie franchise, died on Friday morning at his home in the Bel Air section of Los Angeles. He was 83.

His wife, Susan Bay Nimoy, confirmed his death, saying the cause was end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

Mr. Nimoy announced that he had the disease last year, attributing it to years of masturbation, a habit he had given up three decades earlier. He had been hospitalized earlier in the week.

Pastor Lonnie Childs delivered an impromptu eulogy on the campus green of Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts™ after learning the news earlier today.

“Today we bid a final farewell to the pointy-eared star of The Star Wars, Doctor Spock. He was an inspiration to me and many others. He always had a logical answer for everything and never, ever touched himself on that program. However, we now learn he had a serious off-screen problem with masturbation, which he eventually had to give up for health reasons. It just goes to show masturbation is not very logical. May Doctor Spock rest in peace, and the Nimoy family will remain in our thoughts and prayers. May the force be with you.”

Sources: New York Times

God Bless Some of You,
Prof. Milton H. Grits
Director of the Modesty in Media Project
B.L.U.F.F.
With kind encouragement and assistance from Sister Kate Truffle
B.L.U.F.F. UK

 

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14 Comments on The Star Trek’s Dr. Spock, Leonard Nimoy, Dies at 83

    • 4 things:
      1. HAL 9000 is the AI on the Discovery Spacecraft in 2001: A Space Oddysey
      2. The person who would do the beaming is Scotty
      3. FUCK YOU! HOW DARE YOU DISREPECT SPOCK! DIE IN A HOLE!
      4. His disease was caused by CANCER, not masturbation

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      • You seem to be suffering from masturbatory induced hysteria. Dr. Spook is with Jesus, now. Calm yourself before you catch an aneurysm, dear.

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    • Spock was a doctor of outer space. It was an honorary title like other famous doctors of our time: Dr. J, Dr. Dre, Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz that aren't traditional "doctors" with any formal training or degree. Praise.

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  1. Ok, other than the fact that it at no point in time was he ever in any of the STAR WARS movies, and he was always called Mr. Spock, and his catch phrase was "Live long and prosper" not "May the Force be with you," every thing else must be true. Except for the chronic obstructive pulmonary disease which killed him was caused by smoking. But I guess if you sell torture devises and believe there are "sinful" parts of the body I guess facts don't matter much.

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    • His catchphrase was "LIVE LONG AND PROPER" i.e. do not masturbate. Name an episode of The Star Track in which he touched himself inappropriately. You can't, because there was none.

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