Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

Lists! Everyone loves lists!

WATERTOWN CT- (SMNNN)

Masturbation, or self-rape, as the sinful practice of self-sexual gratification is known, has long been a leading cause of death. Over the decades, Hollywood has had more than it’s fair share of auto-erotic-suicides. Here’s a list of the top five.

 

5)- Ernest Borgnine

Mr Borgnine, star of sci-fi epic Battlestar Trek, western legend Pocahontas, and reputed homosexualist leather man, died in 1972 while self-raping during a pony-play episode with a transsexual prostitute.

He was the winner of over 30 Oscars and Two Grammys.

Arron Paul

4) -Aaron Paul

Aaron Paul, start of Breaking Anarchy was introduced to self-rape by his co-star Ron Pearlman. Sadly, he became addicted to methstrubation (masturbation with methamphetamine production chemicals) and was found dead with a meth-needle in his scrotum, in a dirty 1982 Bounder R.V.

Jeff Corwin

3)Steve Irwin

Filthy Australasian Steve Irwin had a long history of beastophila, and was killed while masturbating in the ocean by an enraged and disgusted sting-ray.

bono

2) Micheal Hutchence

Hutchence, lead drummer of You-Two, killed himself  while choking himself while masturbating.

Pat Morita

1) David Caradine

Caradine , long a kawaii weeabo, masturbated himself to death while cos-playing Sailor Moon and eating ramen.

About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles

Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F’s, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

21 Comments on Top 5 Celebrities Who Have Died From Masturbation.

  1. Nice job. The pictures don’t represent the names.

    You’ve got Bono for Michael Hutchence and Jeff Corwin for Steve Irwin.

    Congratulations! You are now a member of the mainstream U.S. media.

  2. This is proof that masturbation is a one-way ticket to death. Better dead than a self-rapist, I suppose. How many people are we losing to masturbation every day. Where is the outrage? You masturbation-tolerant progressives need to stop promoting self-rape and start confronting masturbators. Only when they’re all exposed and humiliated will this scourge be stopped. God is weeping at all this sin and you can’t hide it from him. He sees all and you will feel his wrath for your perverse masturbatory lifestyle. Sin is sin and masturbation is a BIG one.

  3. Fun fact: Bea Arthur also died from this horrible sin. I still pray for her soul daily. I loved watching her as Alice the maid on the Brady Bunch

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*