UPDATE – Kasem’s Masturbation Induced Illness Worsens; Condition Critical.

Casey Kasem - "Shaggy" on 'Scooby Doo'
Casey Kasem – voice of “Tinker” on ‘Speed Buggy’

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Just 48 hours after his wife was charged in a bizarre public masturbation incident that sent him to the hospital, it has been leaked that Casey Kasem’s condition has worsened and is now critical in nature.

In a story we broke on this netsite on Tuesday, a strange incident occurred involving Jean Kasem masturbating with ground beef and attempting to smother Kasem’s daughter from a previous marriage to death with said meat. The incident left Mr. Kasem shaken to the point he was hospitalized. Kasem’s daughter, Kerri, who is a masturbation abstinence activist after seeing her father’s deteriorating health over the years from masturbation related illness, denounced her step-mother’s actions on Tuesday in a statement issued from the hospital where Mr. Kasem is currently receiving care.

Kasem suffers from Lewd Body Disease, the most common type of progressive masturbation caused illness after Masturbation Palsy, and has been bedridden for some time due to his condition. Mr. Kasem was said to be alert earlier today and coming in and out of lucidity. Officials at the medical facility refused to comment further and stated all further updates will be made to the media by way of Kerri Kasem.

Jean and Kerri Kasem have been in a long legal battle for conservatorship care for Mr. Kasem as his failing health has rendered him unable to care for himself. Jean’s recent masturbation related assault and Kerri’s long time advocacy of masturbation abstinence are both assumed to weigh heavily on an upcoming decision as to who will have full conservatorship for the ailing Kasem.

Kasem is most well known for his voice work as the iconic ‘stoner’ character “Tinker” on the animated children’s program “Speed Buggy” in the 1970s.

Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.

About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

5 Comments on UPDATE – Kasem’s Masturbation Induced Illness Worsens; Condition Critical.

  1. UPDATE 6/11/2014 – Praise Lonnie that Casey Kasem’s masturbation abstinence advocate daughter has been granted the ability to withhold fluids from him. She has begun “end of life” procedures to let Mr. Kasem slip away naturally instead of prolonging his many masturbation ailments like others in his family want.

    By this last minute intervention, she and Lonnie have saved Mr. Kasem from becoming another victim in the war on masturbation. Thank Lonnie that cooler heads have prevailed and have saved this man’s soul at the very last moment.

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