UPDATE – Tracy Morgan More Responsive After Masturbation Wreck

WEST PALM BEACH, FLA (SMNNN) — Actor Tracy Morgan remains in critical condition but is showing signs of improvement less than 24 hours after the party bus he was riding in was wrecked. Mr. Morgan was able to respond to several questions from investigators today which doctors are saying is quite encouraging and is painting a clearer picture as to what happened late Friday evening.

Morgan was injured when a party bus he was riding in en route to Atlanta, Georgia abruptly swerved out of control and rolled several times. Our exclusive source close to the investigation is saying that driver, John David, lost control of the bus while only driving with one hand. Investigators quickly determined Mr. David was masturbating at the time of the accident.

Mr. David has been formally charged with one count of death and four counts of assault by masturbatory negligence.

Early reports, including our breaking news update, said that a “masturbation orgy” was happening on the bus at the time of the accident were proven to be false and derived from Mr. David’s initial account of the accident. Mr. David’s original statement was proven to be false as he was still in a masturbatory haze when questioned at the scene. Later witness testimony proved that none of the victims riding with Morgan were engaged in any masturbatory practices at the time of the accident.  Investigators have determined that John David acted alone and his uncontrolled masturbatory urges led to the death and critical injuries to his passengers.

Morgan’s publicist revealed through a prepared statement that Morgan and the other passengers were in fact doing an unauthorized masturbation outreach retreat to Atlanta, Georgia. As this was “off the books” they did not travel by a Lonnie Childs approved charter airline and instead were stuck renting a party bus from Southeast Party Bus Inc. in order to make their scheduled appearance.

Southeast Party Bus Inc. could not be reached for comment and all calls were redirected to their legal counsel. An independent investigation into Southeast Party Bus Inc., Mr. John David and their ties to Big Masturbation has been launched by this reporter.

Morgan is expected to remain in the hospital for “several weeks” according to hospital officials. We at SMNNN have activated our prayer apps in the hopes that Big Masturbation does not claim another innocent victim.


Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.

About Cathy Redmond 104 Articles

Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

3 Comments on UPDATE – Tracy Morgan More Responsive After Masturbation Wreck

  1. I’ve had a source provide me with more Faith Facts™ about this “accident” that leads me to believe there is much more than what the media is telling us. We are VERY lucky Mr. Morgan is still with us.

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