Happy Holidays Merry CHRISTmas! For the 2014th consecutive year, Christians have DESTROYED atheist masturbators to ensure that Christmas will once again happen right on schedule! Praise! Hey liberals, why don’t you grab your ridiculous Festivus pole, hitch a ride on your absurd Flying Spaghetti Monster and move to Cuba while the rest of us celebrate the Reason for the Season with our families and open up presents by the CHRISTmas tree!
It was an easy victory, really. With Faith Warriors like Bill O’Reilly, Kirk Cameron and Sarah Palin on our side, the outcome was inevitable. Tenacious liberals may have won some small battles here and there but in the end December 25th still says CHRISTMAS on every calendar everywhere that matters!
The war on masturbation, however, is not yet won. This Christmas, while you and your family are sipping eggnog, opening presents and basking in the glow of Baby Jesus, some lonely masturbator somewhere is feverishly brewing up his very own “homemade” eggnog. How sad!
God bless and Merry CHRISTmas to some of you! Praise!