Christians Win the War on Christmas For the 2014th Consecutive Year

Christians remain undefeated

Happy Holidays Merry CHRISTmas!  For the 2014th consecutive year, Christians have DESTROYED atheist masturbators to ensure that Christmas will once again happen right on schedule!  Praise!  Hey liberals, why don’t you grab your ridiculous Festivus pole, hitch a ride on your absurd Flying Spaghetti Monster and move to Cuba while the rest of us celebrate the Reason for the Season with our families and open up presents by the CHRISTmas tree!       

Sorry, libtards, not this year!
Sorry, libtards, maybe next year!

It was an easy victory, really.  With Faith Warriors like Bill O’Reilly, Kirk Cameron and Sarah Palin on our side, the outcome was inevitable.  Tenacious liberals may have won some small battles here and there but in the end December 25th still says CHRISTMAS on every calendar everywhere that matters!

Sarah Palin stands before an erect Christmas tree.
Sarah Palin stands before an erect Christmas tree.

The war on masturbation, however, is not yet won.  This Christmas, while you and your family are sipping eggnog, opening presents and basking in the glow of Baby Jesus, some lonely masturbator somewhere is feverishly brewing up his very own “homemade” eggnog.  How sad!

God bless and Merry CHRISTmas to some of you!  Praise!


About Lonnie Childs 48 Articles
Hello, my name is Lonald "Lonnie" Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement. Please visit my Facebook page here, and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here,
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7 Comments on Christians Win the War on Christmas For the 2014th Consecutive Year

    • I don’t worship spaghetti, and if you are referring to eggnog as the drink, then yes I make my own eggnog, and non-alcoholic version for my nephews. And if you are referring to semen, then every man in the world makes “eggnog” constantly, after puberty the body constantly makes “eggnog”

    • Atheists don’t worship anything, because they’re atheists. Atheist literally means ‘no god’. And Christmas isn’t about raging war on anyone. It’s about coming together to spend quality time with friends and family, be you Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, atheist, black, white, homosexual, straight. Just give it a break.

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