A Day of Tragedy, Remembrance and Joy

R.I.P. Myron Danus

Dick Danus is a war hero!!! Respect him and his new wife.
R.I.P. Myron Danus.  May Lonnie guide your soul in Heaven, as you sit next to Jesus and Ronald Reagen.
R.I.P. Myron Danus. May Lonnie guide your soul in Heaven, as you sit next to Jesus and Ronald Reagen.

A day that was meant to be a glorious event full of love, the marriage of Myron Danus to Paula Austin, turned to tragedy today, but we at the Stop Masturbation Now compound are not people who let a death in our group stop us from helping to create new life and new bonds. Today, My Brother named Myron Danus was murdered in cold-blood by a Jew from Palastein. He had been fighting with this Jew for years, sometimes Myron would win, other times Myron would end up in jail for 30 days at a time. We reported this harassment of Myron to the authorities, but they turned a blind eye, because this Jew is very powerful and Myron was just a “Goyim”. Ultimately, the death of Myron has given us the ability to force the police to look into the threats that our group receives daily, because Myron’s death could have been stopped, and was foreseeable. R.I.P. Myron Danus. You will live at the right hand of God, Lonnie and Jesus (because left-handed people are evil and strange).

Dick Danus and Ana Hollis celebrate their love.
Dick Danus and Ana Hollis celebrate their love.

In the wake of Myron’s death, my father Dick Danus and myself decided that the wedding ceremony needed to happen in Myron’s honor, so we collected his last ex-girlfriend, before Paula Austin, and we decided to have a double wedding on his funeral day. I will be marrying Myron’s latest love interest, and my dad, Dick Danus, will marry Myron’s previous girlfriend named Ana Hollis. It would be what Myron would want.

August Weisz's home.  Where we celebrated lives.
August Weisz’s home. Where we celebrated lives.

The weddings were a great success, as both brides fell into the natural womanly roles almost immediately, mainly due to be sent to the Menstrual Hut for proper Golden Showers of Love from Lonnie, but also because the lesser-gendered know their place in life after marriage. Paula Austin spent a little time celebrating her celibacy though, which was unacceptable, and she is banned from my reproductive organs for a month.

Paula Austin celebrating the fact that she can make White, Christian babies finally.
Paula Austin celebrating the fact that she can make White, Christian babies finally.

My father, Dick Danus, married Myron’s ex-girlfriend also today, so we could make it a family day. Dick Danus and Ana Hollis were joined in Holy Matrimony today, and nobody can deny their love, even though they just met a week ago. It is like one of those romantic comedy movie films starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore.

Dick Danus and Ana Hollis walking down the aisle.
Dick Danus and Ana Hollis walking down the aisle.

I want to thank Senator August Weisz for the use of his home in beautiful Idaho. Thanks to everyone who attend this Memorial/Wedding also. I will name as many of you as I can remember, but I got pretty drunk on Mt. Dew and Jagermeister in honor of Myron, since it was his favorite mixed drink. I’ll try to post the photos from tonight soon also, but for now I will just tell you some of my favorite/worst moments from this amazing event.

The Flock trying to save me from marriage to Paula Austin.
The Flock trying to save me from marriage to Paula Austin.

Thanks to Salome Fernandez, Riley Lucas, Christina Grand, Georgie Baker, Allen Montgomery, Paul Horner, Nathan Fields, Nigel Covington, Matthew Perkins, Michael Tangerine Cole, Cathy Redmond, and many others who I can’t or won’t name (Like “The Smart Guy”). I hope to see many more of you at our events soon.

Dick Danus is a war hero!!!  Respect him and his new wife.
Dick Danus is a war hero!!! Respect him and his new wife.

My favorite moments of this night, include Thomas Kelly, Matthew Perkins, and Roddy Black though. Three moments that will become historic. First, Thomas Kelly, who is a self-described wizard, shoved an entire 5 pound slice of prime rib in his anus (He used the Aus Jus sauce for lube). I would have been amazed at how he made it disappear, but he did it during my eulogy for Myron. Second, Matthew Perkins actaully spoke up during the “Speak now or forever hold your peace” crap, trying to get Paula Austin to NOT marry me. He failed, but I stil love him in Lonnie’s love and will find him a Same Race Appointed Spouse soon. Third, Our Youth Minister, Jacob Franklin drank too much of Lonnie’s blood at the bar, and decided that the only non-normal colored person at the wedding, Roddy Black, needed to move Jacob’s truck, then fetch Jacob’s pants from the tree that was 5 houses away. Roddy, being a White-washed tribal, actually did retrieve Jacob’s pants, but mostly due to the fact that Jacob refuses to wear underwear…ever.

More photos and stories from this night will be shared with our beloved followers soon, but we all need some time to enjoy this day, and mourn Myron. Please let us know in the comments how Myron Danus has touched you.

About Bruce Danus 14 Articles
Bruce Danus is a lifelong lover of Jesus and different types of cheeses. He has saved thousands of souls from burning in Hell, by riding public transportation and preaching the word of God and Lonnie Childs. He has traveled to many Third World Countries like Detroit and East L.A. to save masturbators from Double Hell, and bring them clean water.
Contact: Website

20 Comments on A Day of Tragedy, Remembrance and Joy

  1. I thought the ceremony was truly beautiful. Not even ruined by Paula Austin’s somewhat rowdy outburst when the duct tape gag was removed so she could say her vows. .

    Btw: I’m not sure what exactly what she said but it seemed kind of long and sweary for a simple, “I do.”. Did she write her own vows?
    I didn’t realise that SMN encouraged the flock to improvise on the good book so freely., tbh 🙁

    But that is my only critique. Otherwise it was wonderful darlings <3

  2. Bruce, I am absolutely crushed at our loss of sweet Myron. It’s going to be very hard to go on without him. He helped me thru so many hard times, and I am lost without him. He always made me laugh and his love of Jager was legendary.

    I’m thrilled that you and Dick are going on with the weddings. Myron would be so happy that you are going thru with the nuptials. And congratulations to you both.

    RIP Myron, you will be greatly missed. I loved him dearly, he was like my own son.

  3. First off i want to say I’m sorry Bruce. Myron was a great man, friend, and an all around person. I could almost call him “brother from another mother.” He will truly be missed by many. I also want to apologize for my rude outburst in your ceremony. I don’t know what came over me. I guess i had a little to much Smirnoff Ice (green apple flavored) beverages before the ceremony. I wish the best of luck to you and Paula. I trust she will be a great domesticated wife once she is broken in a tad more. Best wishes to you both!

    Lonnie Bless,
    Matt Perkins

  4. I respected Myron as a Brother in Childs. His loss will be difficult to recover from but as Lonvidians it is what we must do to honor both the fallen and our Lord, Lonnie.

  5. I am currently waiting to board a flight at Heathrow London, Terminal 3 and have made a spectacle of myself reading about Brother Thomas. I am shocked and trembling with fear. Folks are looking at me strangely. I don’t like the outside world!

  6. Myron was an asshole. I’m glad he’s dead so he can not pollute the Earth with his nonsense. I’m also glad he’s dead so he can burning in Hell.

  7. I got to admit I didn’t know Myron well at all, but I appreciated the invitation to this blessed event. My husband and I really enjoyed our 2.5 pound portions of prime rib. It was delicious!

Comments are closed.