“A Team Effort to Stop Self-Rape!”

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Girl Scouts of the USA Team Up to Promote Responsible Parenting

A young girl gets her first taste of Fappy outside of a grocery store in Safford, AZ

For Immediate Release – (Safford, AZ) – In 2015, efforts to educate parents and young girls on the dangers of self-rape will take a giant leap forward. Teaming up with the Girl Scouts of the USA, Fappy the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin will become the “unofficial mascot” for Girl Scout Cookies. Sponsored by Monsanto, Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and STOP Masturbation NOW focus on educating children about the dangerous consequences of masturbation and the benefits of genetically modified foods.

Mrs. Parisi, CCO of Girl Scouts of the USA and healthy non-masturbating female
Mrs. Parisi, CCO of Girl Scouts of the USA and healthy non-masturbating female


“When Monsanto first approached me with this idea for a corporate partnership, I was skeptical at first,” states Kelly Parisi, Girl Scouts of the USA’s Chief Communications Executive and spokesperson for the country’s leading authority on girls and girl leadership. “But the more I learned about Fappy and the positive message that STOP Masturbation NOW wanted us to help spread across the nation, the more I wanted to be a part of this union. It’s a great way to educate tomorrow’s women – and an excellent way to reach parents. It’s a team effort to stop self-rape.”


And the girls agree! On a very special promotional event, Fappy visited with several Girl Scout Troops in Arizona and California to discuss next year’s sales promotion with Troop leaders and young members. “Fappy is so funny!” exclaimed Mary Todd Stephens of San Clemente, CA. “At first, I was a little scared of him and stuff. But after I got to know him, I think he’s awesome! He let me pull on his fin, over and over, and he didn’t get mad or anything!” One little girl even exclaimed, “He’s so big and handsome!” After a playful romp and roll on the floor, Fappy talked to the girls about the dangers of masturbation, which include migraines, dwarfism and cancer. “I didn’t even know what genital warts were until Fappy showed us a slide show. GROSS!” Exclaimed 8 year-old Sarah Karash.


As a means of spreading the word to the community, STOP Masturbation NOW will be producing full color promotional materials to be included in the packaging of each box of cookies. Posters will also be provided free to each Girl Scout troop that requests in advance to use freely as part of their display at community events. (seen below)


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BigLarry works at LonnieDale Farms, a wholesome and christian establishment that provides nutritious cat milk to all of our followers. Big and Bold, Larry doesn't mess around when it comes to Jesus, and he doesn't let anyone mess with Lonnie. Praise.

9 Comments on “A Team Effort to Stop Self-Rape!”

  1. Thank you Sister Shelly for getting Fappy associated with such a great organization! He will be able to teach these youngsters of the evils of self-rape before they sell their first Samoas®! Each and everyday I thank the good lord for putting Lonnie on this planet! Praise on Samoas®!

  2. I cant tell what has made me lose faith in humanity the most, its ether that Fappy the Dolphin exists and is telling kids lies or that this website and idiots like you are for real.

  3. Unlike masturbation, which is a solitary activity, the efforts to stopping self rape and making it illegal is a group effort! Circle around, team, let’s stop masturbation in its tracks! Praise!

  4. You religious assholes will never stop masturbation, basically everyone does it or has done it before. There are bigger problems in this world like gun violence and obesity, not if little Jimmy is fapping in his bedroom.

  5. Oh my word. The terminology is dreadful “self rape”. Rape is such a powerful word for when a person sexually attacks someone else and causes them physical and emotional pain and using rape to describe masterbation is utterly disrespectful. Also you can only rape with a penis and therefore of you are going to call it anything it should be “self sexual assault”.

    This site should be banded and I am ashamed to even be part of the same species as those who tell such fables and lies to mislead people, the science and evidence produced in all articles are none existent. Accurate references should be sourced and reported.


  6. Calling masturbation “self rape” is pretty fucking disgusting. Obviously none of you twats understand how traumatizing rape is. You religious dumbasses think so highly of yourselves and tell everyone that your belief makes you a better person, what it it really does is turn you into a biased insensitive bigot.

  7. Tell me, what are the medical dangers of masturbation? As a young female adolescent, I am DYING to know so that I can be properly educated, and informed :^)

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