Brother Lonnie Approves New Program For Converted Homogays

Christians Overcoming Carnal Knowledge (COCK) to fight homogay recidivism

As a former homogay I spend many a restless night thinking back on my past lascivious lifestyle while praying long and hard to fight the temptations to return to the homogay cabal. After fifteen minutes of rest I begin praying long and hard again. As I was gripped in the throes of feverish, sweaty prayer I realized there was a way to fight the urges and test my commitment to Christ and Brother Lonnie’s teachings.

Brother Lonnie in his infinite wisdom has approved a new program that allows former homogays to strengthen their resolve against their sinful urges as well as test their commitment to the STOP Masturbation NOW lifestyle. This new program is called Christians Overcoming Carnal Knowledge or COCK for short.

The newly approved COCK program allows former homogays to contact each other via the Craigslist netsite and arrange meetings at truck stops and highway rest stops so that they may perform homogay acts and Christian fellowship on one another to test their resolve to maintain a heterosexual, self-rape free lifestyle. If the former homogay does not enjoy these acts of sexual congress with his fellow Christian soldier then he is indeed on the correct path and will maintain favor in Christ’s and Brother Lonnie’s eyes. If he should find he enjoys the encounter then he must turn himself in to our Safford compound for more reprogramming, beatings, fasting and prayer until he is able to perform homogay sex acts on a BLUFF elder without enjoying them. He will then be allowed to contact former homogays for Christian fellowship at highway rest stops.

Brother Lonnie's followers engaged in Christian fellowship.
Brother Lonnie’s followers engaged in Christian fellowship.

I can attest to the fact that the COCK program has been a huge success. I have tested my resolve multiple times this week with Rodrigo in multiple truck stops and men’s restrooms and at no point have enjoyed the encounters. Truly brother Lonnie’s golden showers of blessings, love and forgiveness have rained down upon me. Because I want to please brother Lonnie and Christ and prove my rock hard dedication to His teachings I have made further Craigslist netsite plans with Rodrigo to mutually test our resolve further at the local dog park and then again at a high school swim meet. We are also planning to fellowship each other this summer in Rio de Janeiro where hopefully I can fellowship with other Latin men. Praise!

For further details regarding the COCK program please feel free to contact me at the Craigslist netsite under the name Ron Mexico. I will then send you details of our next Christian fellowship. Must be clean, disease free and at least 8 inches. I look forward to meeting all of you as we practice good clean Christian values. Bless!

About Carlos Danger 18 Articles
Staunch anti-masturbation Christian soldier and former lifelong Echo & the Bunnymen fan until I learned the dangers of secular music. Brother Lonnie saved me from a life of homoerotic servitude in which I was paid with food items from McDonald's value menu. I co-founded Christians Overcoming Carnal Knowledge (or COCK) to help former homogays test their firm commitment to a heterosexual lifestyle. I enjoy Gladiator movies, Top Gun and Christian fellowship with Latino men.

10 Comments on Brother Lonnie Approves New Program For Converted Homogays

  1. God bless you in your godly work, Brother Carlos! This information will be most helpful. My husband JP is a former HomoGay, and, after reading your article, he is marking his diary with dates to test his resolve on an ongoing monthly basis. He tells me he hates having sexual relations with other men now, each and every time he does it! Praise!!!

    • Brother JP is an inspiration to us all and really goes the extra mile in proving his commitment to Christ and Brother Lonnie.

  2. Praise Jesus for your deliverance from the grips of sodomite bondage. The Lord demands that we walk through the fires of temptation sometimes to test our love. It may feel like torture at the time but hallelujah when them homogay demons finally are cast out in a rapturous explosion it’s such a relief. Sadly some perverted and misguided people compare this healing act of Christian fellowship to sodomy or worse, masturbation! How twisted and delusional our world has become. This is an act of healing where brothers in christ can recover from the damage done by their former deviant lifestyle. This is not done for pleasure which would make us homogays, which obviously we are not.. It’s a war against lust and we soldiers of christ have to engage in unpleasant physical carnal battle to protect this country from sin. Sacrifice and service defines the God Warrior!

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