Brother Dr. Skippy Enis, B.L.U.F.F liaison to Monsanto Company announced today that the huge multi-national poison, tasty food, and G.M.O, super corporation, has begun production of the first human/dolphin chimera.
Says Dr. Enis, ” Brother Lonnie Childs himself, and his personal attache Doug Pinnick, have been in talks for many years with Monsanto Company regarding this project. Long ago, it was decided that the possibility of a human wearing a furry dolphin suit might not be enough to stop the dangerous practice of masturbation, is indeed, possible. ”
This fact is made glaringly evident by the trials and tribulations of ill-fated current mascot Paul Horner, who this week alone, has been arrested 22 times for public indecency.
Monsanto Company is confident it has addressed this problem to the fullest. Says Dr Enis, ” The man in the suit, Mr. Horner, is the problem. However, despite his frequent public shaming, he continues with his spiel. That is why we have crossed his own often wasted D.N.A with that of the preserved remains of Original Fappy The Dolphin. This chimera will succeed where the man in a furry suit cannot, and nay, will not. ” He then went on to add the military potential of this creation has limitless profit potential as well.
The combination of the two D.N.As is indeed a banner moment for Faithscience and Mad Science, and has attracted public outrage from stupid people. Says one such idiot ” This is the stupidest thing I have heard”. That man no doubt later died while masturbating with his own feces.
One might question the moral and environmental consequences of crossing a man with a dolphin, but Brother Dr. Enis ensures us it is all for the good. Says Enis, ” The Good Lord never speaks of his own accord. Well, Brother Lonnie only speaks of the Lord’s accord. “