MASTURBATION IS A TOP TEN CAUSES OF DISEASE
Aches, Heart Disease, Paralysis and Suicide: When sexual organs are handled it causes a rush of blood to these parts, and causes oxygen depletion in other organs of the body, because they are left with a less amount of blood than they ought to have. The sexual organs, too, are very closely connected with the spine and the brain by means of the nerves, and if they are handled, or if you keep thinking about them, these nerves get excited and become exhausted, and this makes the back ache, the brain heavy and the whole body weak. It lays the foundation for consumption, paralysis, and heart disease. It weakens the memory, makes a boy careless, negligent and listless. It even makes many lose their minds; others, when grown, commit suicide.
Gastritis and Lunaticism: It has also been shown that masturbation leads to gastritis, a common symptom of depriving the bowels of significant levels of oxygen and blood, caused by the diversion of vital fluids and gases from digestive tissues. Such negligent diet, and flagrant misuse of allotted fluids, has been proven to weaken and atrophy both systems, not only causing consumption, but weakness of the bowels, unreasonable humors, and lunaticism.
Incest and Retardation: If you belong to, or are a member of, a family AND you masturbate, then by having sex with yourself, you are also having sex with a member of your own family. If you are having sex with your sister, at least there’s some different DNA present. Masturbation is even more disgusting.
Homogay Disease: Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. This conditions the body and mind to become a gay. It’s like Karate for perverts.
Prostate Cancer: Once the masturbation has made you a gay, you will be spending most of your free time having rough unprotected anal with complete strangers. It’s only a matter of time before you catch prostate cancer in a dirty bathroom stall.
AIDS and Other Masturbation Related STDs: Chronic masturbators often resort to drug use in order to cope with guilt and shame associated with trauma of repeated self-rape cycles. It won’t take long before you catch the AIDS from sharing dirty condoms with your roommates under the bridge.
-Nikita Shalavin, homogay conversion therapist and high deacon at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.)