SAFFORD, ARIZ. – Today, there is lots of peer pressure to “get inked.” Everyone, from perky middle school students to “brodudes” to auto mechanics to soccer moms to Wall Street brokers to saggy old ladies with “granny bumps” are getting all sorts of unbiblical tattooings on their bodies. What was once regarded is a temple is now viewed as a graffiti wall for hoodlums or a canvas for childish drawings. And you have your so-called tattoo “artists” – artists in the most loose sense of the term imaginable – raking in obscene profits for doodling on the skins of the most gullible members of society.
Popular tattooage designs include dragons, skulls, butterflies, fairies, cartoon characters, hip-hops performers, and even the local area code prominently tattooed on the neck or forehead. I suppose that’s for the lunkheads who tend to forget the first three digits of their phone number or forget where they are.
There are other aberrations, ranging from “tramp stamps,” which are tacky designs in the small of a woman’s back to “tribal” armband-style marks to Chinese characters that no one except a Chinaman understands, much less that masturbators who get them. The elders and flock of Stop Masturbation Now and B.L.U.F.F. shake our collective heads at some of the things we’ve seen tattooed on the bodies of God’s children.They are also related to several other sins, including but not limited to the Seven Deadly Sins.
As you can see in the picture, the fat man has several tattoos of fast-food restaurant chains, and these no doubt encourage and enable his obesity. Tattoos and gluttony are both sins that disrespect that temple to the Holy Spirit which is our body. Going back to the Bible, as we always do in such questions, we find the answer. This passage makes it quite clear:
Leviticus 19:28 (King Lonald Version) – Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.
Looking at the original scripture, the He-brew term used in the above passage קעקע (ka’aka) refers to a tattoo, in its currently understood usage. “K’tovet ka’aka” refers to the “art” of tattooing (if it can indeed be considered an “art”).
In Biblical times, some people had the name or image of an idol tattooed onto their skin, and this was a heathen practice tantamount to idolatry. Idolizing dragons or faeries or Tupac Shakira is essentially the same thing as praying to a golden calf.
To this day, the rightful punishment for such transgressions is surgical removal of the offending marks followed by a thorough flogging, both to be carried out by designated members of the covenant.
A debate has emerged, however, on whether tattoos which are not idolatrous in nature are permissible. Some argue that the purpose of the prohibition is clearly to prevent the sin of idolatry and as such does not apply to tattoos that appear to be Christian in nature.For instance, some of our younger readers have inquired whether tattoos of scripture or Jesus Christ are permissible.
Evangelical preacher Pat Robertson, longtime host of the 700 Club and erstwhile Presidential candidate, had this to say:
“Tattooing is heathen practice. It is not a Christian practice, to mar the body that God gave you. And you see people that have gone crazy on this, and their bodies are just filled with these things. It is a heathen practice, and it is prohibited in the Old Testament. So that fact that it’s Jesus doesn’t make a bit of difference. It doesn’t make it okay because it’s religious, believe me. I mean, it could be a tattoo of some hoochie-cooch girl. It doesn’t really make any difference.”
So to tattoo, or not to tattoo? Tattooing in general is clearly for no-class, uneducated heathens, and even attempts at conveying a religious message are likely destined to fail at the outset. But are there any instances where this would be permissible? Could there be a tattoo that potentially discourages sin and encourages Godly behavior?
We of Stop Masturbation Now ask if this can be done in a tasteful, respectful manner which contains the necessary reverence for belief in the Lord’s Grace while preserving reasonable standards of, say, trying not to look like a lamebrained, fist-pumping, club-going idiot or two-bit hure from the streets of St. Louis.
When we consider the state of the world today, and the leading causes of sin, debauchery, violence, rape, cursing and disease, we think there might just be one instance where a tattoo might have a net benefit – to prevent the act of masturbation, i.e. self-rape. After all, our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and we are obligated to protect the sanctity of that temple.
As we all know, FaithFacts™ are our greatest weapons in arguing for good and against sinners and evil in general. FaithFacts™ are a bulletproof bundle of faith and facts, therefore they cannot be refuted by their very definition. My FaithFact tattoo on my wrists reminds me that my hands will never, ever sin again.
When asked his opinion on FaithFact tattoos, Brother Lonnie had the following to say:
“When something is used to prevent self-rape… whether it’s duct tape, the Cross (ed. – our anti-masturbation cross) or a FaithFact tattoo, it is a net benefit to the covenant as well as the rest of society. All other kinds of tattoos are an eyesore. They do not glorify God and can and should be removed. Praise.”
So the FaithFacts are in. Tattoos are a sin. Except for the official FaithFact™ tattoo.
If you non-masturbaters are so caught up in respecting the “Temple of the Lord” your body, then why the fuck is there a Kamel cigarette ad on every single page you have here. Is that the only way you can make any money? Obviously NO ONE wants to advertise in all that blank wasted web page space you have reserved for ads. You ever stop to wonder why? I mean isn’t like the #1 cause of lung cancer smoking? Isn’t that desecrating the “Temple of the Lord”? It straight poisons the Temple and you have ads for it on every single page. I don’t even think you capable of hypocrisy. I think you are fucking stupid. And I am bookmarking this web site because in the future, for shits and giggles and to entertain friends, I am coming back to visit and talk more shit to the most moronic web site I think I’ve ever seen. Are you sure your not the result from inbreeding or something?
This is one of the most ignorant things I’ve ever read, for one you completely contradict yourself, if you think getting this “faith fact” tattoo isn’t a sin but scripture that others could read the word of God daily because of you is sin is ridiculous. This is why I hate religion you sit here and make your own rules, and judge others, ignoring what the Bible says in whole not just one short sentence. How about Romans 12:2 The measurement you use to judge others you condemn yourself”. I’m “inked”on every limb and almost all are dedication to my relationship not “religion” to Christ. It’s crap like this that makes me sick and ashamed to call myself a Christian. Thanks by the way, for the bad reputation.
Am I the only one here who thought this was absolutely hilarious? From actually trying to use the fake ‘tattoos’ for Mr. Fat man, to using the most ridiculous pictures of tattoo failures as examples to give a forces perspective idiocracy rather than art, and ending with such a hugely obvious hypocracy of the ‘my tattoos are ok because it says faith woo!!’ I haven’t had a laugh this good in quite some time.
A more proper name for FaithFacts™ is FuckFacts™, because fuck everything else certified officials have to say about things, no the only thing thing that TRULY matters is the word of our lord and cult leader Lonnie Childs.