Superbowl winning superstar quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, Tim Tebow has been convicted of first degree murder and sentence to life without parole. Brother Lonnie has called for the public to withhold judgment until all the facts are known. In his statement Brother Lonnie cautioned against judging God’s favorite white American quarterback and warned that Tebow’s anti-masturbation stance and moral upbringing have long made him a target of Big Masturbation. The full statement can be found below.
“I have prayed long and hard on the matter and God has told me that this is a set-up by Big Masturbation to take the greatest moral pillar of our society down a peg. This time George Soros and his puppet Barak Obama have gone too far and I call on a full presidential pardon for Tebow. Obama has 24 hours to issue this pardon or I shall call upon my followers to raise up and overthrow the U.S. government and put Obama and his LIEberal allies on show trials to immediately be followed by execution. Tim Tebow is the greatest American that has ever lived and he should be allowed to murder anytime he pleases. Besides it’s not like the victim was white.
God bless some of you.”
Lonald “Lonnie” Childs