Are You A Closet-Homosexual???


Have you ever heard the term “Closet Homosexual?” Do you know what it means? Back in a more civilized time, Americans did not openly discuss things, such as: masturbation, mixed-race children, women’s rights, genetically modified food, The Gay, or the Democratic Party.

In those days, rather than openly discussing such disgusting topics as Masturbation, discretion was the order of the day. Knowing full-well that most masturbators of the time did so in private, a gentleman would simply refer to a masturbator as “in the closet.”

As you can imagine, not everyone knew what masturbators did to themselves in those days. When asked what masturbation was (a same-sex, sex act that someone does to themselves), the description always involved the masturbator touching the sex organs of their own gender and orgasming. In an effort to spare everyone the lengthy and disgusting explanation, society adopted the term “Closet Homosexuality.”

Now-A-Days, the Homogay community uses this as a recruiting tool to win over the hearts and minds of masturbators. This is their largest source of new hand-jobs, to date. The second Friday in the Month of October is when the Homogays strike. On “National Coming-Out Day,” homogays encourage masturbators to walk-through a symbolic closet door and announce to the world that their own same-sex genitals are no longer enough for them.

Thankfully, other main-stream holidays still exist and are celebrated afterwards, such as: “Disowning Your Son Saturday,” and “Your Palm/Their Face, Sunday.”

If you are reading this, and you masturbate in private, please do society a favor. Use the appropriate term for what you are and stop grossing-out decent people who do not masturbate.

About Liam McKey 44 Articles
Liam McKey is a former combat veteran and owner of the only Vegan-Certified ranch in the United States. He has two normal teenage children with his same-race wife. Liam is active in the community of Safford, Arizona where he lives. Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction and has many degrees from various non-accredited faith-based colleges.
Contact: Website

18 Comments on Are You A Closet-Homosexual???

  1. Does being into femdom make you a closet homosexual? I love it when my girlfriend shoves it up my anus with her strap-on, slaps my ass and calls me a racial slur. I also like sucking her toes and eating her out, while my penis is in a chastity device. She allows me to cum occasionally, but only if she is on top and after I have endured 20 strokes of the cane. My friends say this does not make me a “real man”, that I am a “cuckold” (no idea what this means) and even that I secretly crave penis. This is not true. I have no interest in men. I am really confused sexually and need some help.

  2. Mr. Beta,
    Or is it “Masta Baita?” Anyways, you said you do not crave penis, yet you also said your girlfriend uses a fake one on you. Which is it?

    What the hell’s going on around here?

    First off-let’s take it from the start
    Straight out-can’t change what’s in my heart
    No one-can tear my beliefs apart, you can’t bring me

    You ain’t-never seen no one like me
    Prevail-regardless what the cost might be
    Power-flows inside of me, you can’t bring me

    Never-fall as long as I try
    Refuse-to be a part of your lie
    Even-if it means I die, you can’t bring me


    Who the hell you calling crazy? You wouldn’t know what crazy was
    If Charles Manson was eating fruit loops on your front porch….

    Time out-let’s get something clear
    I speak-more truth than you want to hear
    Scapegoat-to cover up your fear, you can’t bring me

    You ain’t-never seen so much might
    Fight for-what I know is right
    What up-you got yourself a fight, you can’t bring me

    Stand up-we’ll all sing along
    Together-ain’t nothin’ as strong
    Won’t quit-we ain’t in the wrong, you can’t bring me


    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, no!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, you can’t bring me down!

    Tell them what’s up Rocky!


    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, no!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, you can’t bring me down!

    So why you trying to bring me?
    Well you can’t bring me down…No, no, no, no
    Can’t bring me down….No, no, no, no, no, no
    Can’t bring me down….No, no, no, no, no, no
    Can’t bring me down….No, no, no, no, no, no
    So why you trying to bring?
    Well you can’t bring me down

    Just cause you don’t understand what’s going on don’t mean it don’t make no sense
    And just cause you don’t like it, don’t mean it ain’t no good
    And let me tell you something;

    Before you go taking a walk in my world
    You better take a look at the real world
    Cause this ain’t no Mister Roger’s Neighborhood

    Can you say “feel like shit”?
    Yea maybe sometimes I do feel like shit
    I ain’t happy ’bout it, but I’d rather feel like shit than be full of shit!

    And if I offended you, oh I’m sorry…
    But maybe you need to be offended
    But here’s my apology and one more thing…fuck you!

    Cos you…can’t…bring…me…down!

    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, no!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, no!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, no!
    Bring me down-you can’t bring me down, you can’t bring me down!

    Can’t bring me down!
    Can’t bring me down!
    Can’t bring me down!


    • I only masturbate after shows, and if there are no groupies of either sex, so there, I mean hell, asshole.

  4. I think I caught a masturbator on Omegle
    You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    You both like Roleplay.

    You: Hi

    Stranger: Hey

    You: Asl?

    Stranger: F 18 USA

    You: 18 M NC

    You: How are you?

    Stranger: I’m Julia, doing well how about you?

    You: I’m doing well as well, thank you. I’m James and it’s nice to meet you Julia

    Stranger: I like your name 🙂

    You: Thank you.

    You: Well, I have a sexual scenario if you are interested.

    Stranger: I am, let’s hear it 🙂

    You: School ended recently and I started my summer vacation. Bored, I went to the nearby lake to fish. Having lived nearby for a while, I went to my favorite spot on the edge of deep woods. Turns out that a pretty girl is laying nude there. (I can start if you want, but I would like you to have an interesting story as to why you are there.)

    Stranger: Alright sounds good you can start 🙂

    You: Okay. I can also link a picture of how I find you if you like.

    Stranger: Sure

    You: As I’m walking up to my fishing spot, I see a girl laying nude on the shore. I get closer and take some pictures. I then walk out of the treeline and say, “Um, hello.” with confidence in my voice. (This is how I find you. )

    Stranger: “Oh hi,” I say, startled by your voice. “I didn’t think people really came out here,” I lay comfortably in the sand and make no move to cover up

    You: I look you over as I set my things down, amazed to find a girl nude in the woods. “I didn’t either. What are you doing here?” I ask as I start walking to you.

    Stranger: “Well, I came here last night to go skinny dipping with friends and we got drunk so I fell asleep here in the woods. They must of left and taken my clothes with them as a joke. Oh well,” I laugh it off. “And what brings you here?”

    You: I chuckle a bit when you tell me that story and I answer as I sit next to you, “Oh, I just came to fish.” After a moment, I ask with a smirk, “So, did you decide to stay here because you don’t want to have to stroll home nude?”

    Stranger: “Yeah pretty much,” I giggle softly, “I think public nudity is also illegal so I don’t really want to be arrested naked,” I shrug and smile at you

    You: I smirk and tease as I rub your back, “Why not? I think a pretty and nude thing like you would be very popular in jail.”

    Stranger: “I’d rather not spend my life naked in jail when I could spend it naked in the woods with an attractive stranger like yourself,” I wink

    You: I move my hand down to your ass and say, “Well I can’t argue with that one, dear.”

    Stranger: “I’ve just declared this a nude beach, so I think you’re wearing too much clothes to be allowed here,” I say, looking you up and down

    You: I nod and say as I stand up, “Okay, I won’t argue with you. I don’t want to be in any trouble.” I then start stripping my clothes off.

    Stranger: “Don’t want to get arrested,” I smirk and watch you as you take your clothes off, starting to get wet

    You: Once nude, I sit back down nude to you and ask, “So, are there any other regulations on your nude beach?”

    Stranger: “It’s strongly suggested that you have sex with the prettiest girl, and it looks like I’m the only girl here so…”

    You: I smirk and ask as I mount you from behind, gripping your shoulders to pin you, “Okay, I want to be a law-abiding citizen here. Want to let me know about anything else?”

    Stranger: “You have to make me scream,” I smirk, grinding my ass into you

    You: “Don’t worry, I will.” I reply with a grin as I prod your pussy to tease you.

    Stranger: “Mm don’t tease, it’s not allowed,” I say, getting more and more turned on

    You: “Yes ma’am.” I reply right before plunging as deep as I can into you.

    Stranger: “Ohh,” I moan out and I close my eyes

    You: “Fuck, you’re tight.” I moan as I pull back and fuck you slowly.

    Stranger: My pussy clenches around your dick, making it tighter. “Mm harder please,”

    You: I nod and start speeding up as I enjoy you.

    Stranger: “Fuck mmm,” I moan louder and grab the sand desperately

    You: I start pounding you fast and hard as time goes go, gripping your shoulders tighter as I start getting close.

    Stranger: “Ohh god,” I moan and scream out as you go deep in my pussy, bringing me closer to cumming

    You: I reach my maximum pace and spank you once. “I’m going to cum…, hope you’re okay with creampies…” I warn through a moan.

    Stranger: “Mmm okay..” I rock my hips against your thrusts as best I can, pushing your cock deeper

    You: When you start rocking your hips, it destroys what little stamina I have. As such, I slam into your and unload deep inside you.

    Stranger: Your cum inside me pushes me to the edge as well and I cum hard all over your dick

    You: I collapse onto your back in exhaustion and breathe heavily. “Fuck, that was good…”

    Stranger: “Absolutely, and you met all the beach requirements,” I smile

    You: I smile and weakly roll off of you. “I like this beach.” I reply as I lay on my back.

    Stranger: “I think it’s my new favorite,” I roll onto my back as well

    You: After a few moments, I tease, “So, would a cop be subject to the same regulations?”

    Stranger: “Oh of course, no one can slide past my laws,” I laugh softly. “Why are you a cop?” I smile jokingly

    You: I shake my head and answer, “No, you just have that on my mind since the public nudity thing.”

    Stranger: (You there?)

    You: (Yes. Did you get my reply?)

    Stranger: (I don’t think so)

    Stranger: (Would you send it again please?)

    You: I shake my head and answer, “No, you just have that on my mind since the public nudity thing.”

    Stranger: (I got that maybe you didn’t get mine, I’ll send again)

    Stranger: “Ah ok so if we got caught here then the cop would just have to fuck me, I mean there’s no way around it,” I smirk and laugh again

    You: I smirk and say as I get my phone out, “We could test the theory out and see what happens.”

    Stranger: “What if it’s an old guy, or a woman?” I laugh, thinking of all the possibilities

    You: I continue to smirk and answer, “I guess you would just have to find out.”

    Stranger: “I guess so,” I stand up, my legs slightly wobbly and your cum dripping on my thighs. “I’m gonna take a quick dip in the lake while we wait”

    You: I smile when I see my cum dripping out of you and then ask as you walk off, “So does that mean that you want me to call one on you?”

    Stranger: “Would you think it’s hot?” I call over my shoulder as I dip my feet in the water

    You: I follow you to the edge of the water and answer as I dial 911, “Yes, but you would be taking a big risk.”

    Stranger: “I like risks, and you’ll be here too so I won’t be arrested alone,” I smirk, walking in up to my thighs

    You: “He’ll arrest me for sure. I’m not a sexy girl. I’ll be hiding. ” I reply before bringing the phone to my ear. I explain to the operator that there is a nude girl soliciting sex and give them the proper location.

    Stranger: “Okay, they’ll be here soon,” I giggle and run my arms through the water. “Seducing a police man, should be a fun challenge,”

    You: I nod and get dressed while gathering my things. “It should be, I’ll be nearby watching.” I then walk off out of sight. (I’ll play as the cop after your next post.)

    Stranger: “See you soon,” I wave to you and wait in the water until the cop shows up

    You: It takes me a while to find a good area to enter the woods. Following through on this call wouldn’t be easy as it would involve a lot of hiking, but I must do my job. After a while, I finally make it to the lake and I’m greeted by the sight of a girl much younger than myself wading in the water nude. “Good evening ma’am.” I say to begin the investigation.

    Stranger: “Good evening officer, can I help you?”I respond, beginning to walk out of the water and towards you

    You: “Yes, I got a call about someone soliciting sex, is that true?” I reply.

    Stranger: “That can’t be me, I just come here to be alone,” I walk closer so we’re several inches apart.

    You: I nod and say as I look down into your eyes, “Okay, but you know that you can’t just prance around nude, right? That’s a crime.”

    Stranger: “Why would that be? I’m most comfortable when I’m naked, no one else comes around here anyway,” I smirk

    You: “Well, children might come by and see you nude, it’s irresponsible.” I answer as I place my right hand on my handcuffs.

    Stranger: “I’ll be more careful, you don’t have to do that,” I get closer to you to press my chest against you and place my hand over your right hand

    You: I get suspicious of you when your place your hand over mine. “Ma’am, what are you doing?” I ask, getting prepared to arrest you.

    Stranger: “I saw you reaching for your handcuffs, and I don’t want to be arrested, please,” I say and then add in a slightly seductive whisper in your ear, “I’ll do whatever you want,”

  5. I find this very funny, correct me if I’m wrong, Christianity shames homosexuals and masturbaters. Also sex before marriage is wrong, then why am I shamed.

    I am an asexual (I find myself not being attracted to any gender), a virgin and I don’t masturbate.

    Why do you shame me?

  6. Masturbation is perfectly normal and harmless. All this talk about it being harmful is just fear talking. What is this Liam guy so afraid of? That he’s really a homosexual and afraid to face it? It’s pretty obvious to me, and anyone else with a brain, that it’s the truth.

  7. You claim to be Christian, and I don’t have a issue with that. What I have a issue with is the fact that you feel the need to make everyone agree with you and your need to force your opion on Everyone. so who’s th real bad guy here ?

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