Tipping a Waiter That Might be a Masturbator

Is he, or isn't he?

Gratuity is a form of appreciation for good service that is only seen in civilized countries like America. A well-tended-to patron with good manners will leave an additional sum to reflect their appreciation for good service. This “tip” is usually between 15-30% of the total bill.

However, tipping a suspected masturbator is a completely different situation. You do not know if your waiter has included his seed in your meal and he probably does not wash his hands. In an extreme situation, your waiter might also have The Gay.

checkThe acceptable method for dealing with a suspected masturbator that might be bringing your food, is to deduct the tip from the total amount. Twenty percent (20%) is the standard amount you should deduct; however, if the service was exceptional, you should deduct thirty percent (30%).

About Liam McKey 44 Articles
Liam McKey is a former combat veteran and owner of the only Vegan-Certified ranch in the United States. He has two normal teenage children with his same-race wife. Liam is active in the community of Safford, Arizona where he lives. Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction and has many degrees from various non-accredited faith-based colleges.
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25 Comments on Tipping a Waiter That Might be a Masturbator

      • U do realize tht fapping is not even a big deal xD seriously I have not the slightest idea how guys like u can call yourself men much less make children smh garbage like this is why ppl think bring overly sensitive is okay I mean if it were an understandable cause I’D understand but masturbateing? It’s natural and probably EVERYONE does it hell ur wife and children probably do just would never tell u Cuz 1.it’s none of your business and 2.ur a fuckin prude xD

  1. You can’t just pay less because they MIGHT touch themselves. …. you still owe what you bought.
    You give Christians a bad name. You’re the worst kind.

  2. Do you guys want to give every waitress the “Finger Test” that would be hilarious. No guys you should actually make it one of those made up laws you guys keep creating off the spot. please convince everyone in this cult to sniff the fingers and hands of every waiter that services you. oh and don’t be surprised the next time you visit that tapestry, that your waiter/waitress spat in your food. You deserve it for being such a prick

      • literal definition of cult is:
        a system of religious veneration and devotion directed towards a particular figure or object.

        And as of this cult is devoted to ridding the world of “Self-rape” is your motive. So yeah you are a cult.

          • It isn’t an abreviation and my definition is the globally accepted definition and how is it offensive or misleading? you guys literally named your website after your motive, Stop Masturbation Now, your belief

          • well i’m just presenting proof that my definition is actually legitimate and yours is a 2 second thought up on the spot definition

          • It was not “thought up on the spot”. After consulting with our tax attorney, we created the definition. For tax purposes, we are not a cult but an Alternative Religious Movement. Show some respect, you cretin.

          • an i would like you to answer my question or have you lost this argument because you know you are taking advantage of all the gullible people in America?

          • You are a cult no matter how you rephrase it you are still a cult and i’m no Cretin. Because if i was i would be in this “movement”

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