Note: The following is a excerpt from the King Lonald Holy Bible, a more accurate account of God and Christ.
…and so it was that Brother Lonald, adhering to the Lord’s Calling to deliver the message of self rape abstinence to the afflicted third world countries of tribal Africa, was confronted by terrorist hijackers aboard a DC10 en route to Kenya.
The leader of the sinful band of sand tribals, Ali Haja Aboodabi, ordered his men to commandeer the aircraft shortly after it left US airspace with the intent to reroute it to Al Queada headquarters in Iraq.
Six satanic arabiatic hijackers sprang from aisle seats with box cutters in hand. Each atheist muslim terrorist had boarded the aircraft posing as Italians with phoney passports and identification credentials. All were now wearing turbinic head coverings. All had taken strategery positions to implement shock and awe on the passengers and crew.
They had not fathomed the presence of Brother Lonald, messenger of the Lord.
Just as one of Ali’s henchmen was prepared to slit the throat of a fully breasted stewardess, Brother Lonald rose to his feet and shouted, “Stop, in the name of White Man’s God!”
Stunned, the hijacking terrorists stopped and starred at Lonald as Aboodabi approached. “Sit down and shut your mouth, infidel,” cried the terror kingpin through his astute but equally wicked interpreter.
Brother Lonald, filled with God’s power and grace, raised his right hand and snapped his fingers, setting his index finger alight. The astounding display and hypnotic glow of the fire mystified the hijackers as it hovered just above Lonald’s raised finger.
Suddenly, six sheathes of blinding fire containing God’s Fury and Might shot from Lonald’s finger and incinerated the towel-headed terror six, leaving only piles of ash where they stood.
Lonald blew his finger. The fire disappeared with a popping spark. The passengers and flight crew applauded. Brother Lonald then snapped his fingers once for the mass to silence, and twice to erase their brains of the traumatic memory of that which they had witnessed, leaving only the thankful stewardess with recollection of the event. She had been sent back to fix the inflight meal of the passengers’ choice of chicken breast or ravioli.
That woman became concubine to Brother Lonald on his African Mission, her life changed forever. She devoted the remaining days of her life to serve Brother Lonnie within his flock and testify to his good works in the name of God.