Is Masturbation a Homosexual Act?

Faithfact #347

Friends, as you know, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW ministries are dedicated to educating the world about the dangers of masturbation.  One of the more disturbing faithfacts we have uncovered is that masturbation is a gateway homosexual act that has directly led to the moral decay of this great nation.

Typical masturbators flaunting their sin.
Typical masturbators flaunting their sin.

The federally funded study, conducted by faith scientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.), took 16 months and $645,000 of your tax dollars in order to conclusively link the act of masturbation with making the choice to become a homosexual.  As you can see in the chart below, the correlation is undeniable.  The more someone masturbates, the more gay they become.  Only the most ignorant and depraved masturhater could reject these results.

The proof is in the science.
The proof is in the science.

It turns out that masturbators become desensitized to their own sin zones over time and an ever-increasing amount of masturbation sessions.  This phenomenon, masturbation plus time equals homosexuality, can be measured with the equation:

M+△tAB=▼

After making the conscious decision to turn into a homosexual, masturbators are suddenly thrust into an erotic lifestyle where they have gained access to to a seemingly limitless number of exciting new same-sex genitals.

In conclusion, the link between masturbation and hardcore homosexuality is common sense.  After all, a man getting sexually aroused by touching an erect penis sounds pretty gay to me.

Sorry masturbators!  Turns out that…

God bless some of you!

-Lonnie Childs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lonnie Childs
About Lonnie Childs 38 Articles
Hello, my name is Lonald "Lonnie" Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement. Please visit my Facebook page here, https://www.facebook.com/originalsmn and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here, https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie
Contact: Website

61 Comments on Is Masturbation a Homosexual Act?

  1. Before Lonnie found me and cleansed me in his Golden Shower of love and forgiveness, I was on the verge of turning into a lesbionic, due to my sinful behaviour. I thank white American Jesus, everyday that I am now 160% heterosexual, just the way the good Lord intended.

    Amen!

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    • Mr. Childs appears to be quite the life saver. May his hard work never be taken for granted.

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    • Masturbation isn't gay when there is tons of pussys to masturbate to, unless you are gag there's tons of cocks too. Everyone wins yay Internet !!!

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  2. I continue to be impressed with the work of Dr. Childs*. I don't know what other proof the non-believers and sinners have to see in order to understand the error of their ways. Thank you for breaking this simple faith fact down into layman's terms so the average mouth breathing sinner can understand it. I'll be sure to read it, slowly, to any I encounter.

    * - I apologize profusely if "Doctor" is a lesser term than what you deserve to be called Mr. Childs. I just assumed from your vast knowledge shown on your site that you are at least a doctorate level mind.

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    • I believe that everyone here are idiots. You should all open your minds to marriage equality and the fact that you can love anyone. Some of the posts on here are just idiocy. Masturbation obviously doesn't cause natural disasters, sinkholes or anything else like that, how about you stop making up fake facts and put your faith in SCIENCE.

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  3. I hate masturbating, but i like to get my friends penis in my butt. Am i a sinner? and if so, is there a way for me to purify myself?

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      • SMN pledge. What's that? There is a reason for my gayhomosexual lifestyle. I hate to admit but its money!! I want to give up that life!!! Is it free to accept this Lonnie guy as my savior? How about this SMN pledge thingy? These religious things tend to be as expensive as the devil's sin list.

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        • Eddie, Salvation is free. If you'd care to look at our Phototestimonials section, you will see what is required. Submit a picture of yourself, with a written pledge, denouncing your HomoGay™ lifestyle and you will be saved. Lonnie will always love you.

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  4. Lonnie:- What About women?? They Masturbate & don't suffer a sex change, I think you are a repressed Homosexual & "Get your kicks" The only way you apparently can !! You need help Preferably from a Homosexual Male!!P.S. Just in case you think differently. I'm a straight Male With erectile problems due to an Operation for Prostate Cancer I Cannot Masturbate!!

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    • Hi Iain, I'll be happy to answer your stupid question. Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. In other words, after a certain number of masturbations a woman will eventually turn She-gay.

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    • That's not God, that's Satan! I believe you will be going straight to hell for lying anyway, Eve. Lesser-gendered species do NOT climax, as you so eloquently put it. HARLOT! The female 'O' is a myth. Ain't nothing a good exorcism can't fix.

      Praying at you!

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      • Here is a female victim admitting that God is a rapist. Honey, that "God" that you saw was indeed Satan, who kept on thrashing inside of you while you were struggling and crying out: NO! NO! NO!. But... you see... it was also God! Who is this God/Satan entity, you may ask? It is an evil convergence of two opposing deities who found common ground, called: THE PATRIARCHY. Also Eve, why are you masturbating and having patriarchal religious rape fantasies while you should be fighting the PATRIARCHY with the rest of the sisterhood? Get with the program sister! The Junior Anti-Sex League is displeased!

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      • Well, if that's Satan, and if Satan allows me to masturbate, have homosexual relationships, and control my body, I'll be much better in Hell. 😀

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  5. Big Masturbation has most of the world fooled into think masturbation is harmless but this taxpayer funded study conclusively shows it leads to homosinuality. Shame on Big Masturbation and Obama.

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  6. I pray (pun intended) that this site is just a huge joke... There's no way that this isn't satirical...But it if is, there is no hope left for humanity.

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    • Don't worry ma'am; its not satire. I know it doesn't seem so when your drowning in masturbation but there is a little hope for humanity left. you too can take the SMN pledge and be saved.

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  7. Okay so what the actual fuck is wrong with you people this so called "fact" is your own oppinon and has not been proven by anyone official on the other hand IT HAS BEEN PROVEN that madturbation is healthy and normal and you are taking this the wrong way you dipshits really think youre so called "god" hates gay people THEN WHY THE FLYING FUCK ISNT HE SENDING DOME GOD FUCKIJG REDEMPTION YOU HIPOCRIT SONS OF ******* IGNORANT PIECES OF SHIAT... okay had to let that one out becayse some of the measures you christians take against masturbation is just over the damn edge "Anti masturbation cross" WHAT THE FUCK how the hell is a child suppose to sleep like that you dipshits... AND YOU CALL IT "SELF RAPE" But the last time i checked rape was a word for when someone is forced to do sexual deeds with one another and cant be inflicted on yourself since you want to do them you absolute idiots!!!

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    • Please can you quit it with the potty mouth. not only does it undermine the point you are struggling to make (I think) but there are many, many children viewing this holy net-site and your capitalization and rage is likely to give them nightmares. which , unlike there anti masturbation devices, will stop them from sleeping.
      Praying at you.

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      • I feel sorry for parents who force their kids to see this site

        PS: fuck, bitch, damn, motherfucker, asshole

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        • But it's okay to let them go to Double Hell for all eternity? We think about children masturbating a lot and pray long and hard at them.

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          • If in Double Hell I'm allowed to masturbate and to have homosexual relationships, I'd be in there rather than in Heaven where I would be forbidden to do so.

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    • Your body belongs to God therefore when you masturbate without his permission you are raping your God's property.

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  8. Thank you Brother Lonnie for this timely reminder that masturbation not only kills but turns you into a homogay as well. Praise!

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  9. I think I caught a masturbator.
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    You both like Roleplay.

    You: Hi

    Stranger: Hey

    You: Asl?

    Stranger: F 18 USA

    You: 18 M NC

    You: How are you?

    Stranger: I'm Julia, doing well how about you?

    You: I'm doing well as well, thank you. I'm James and it's nice to meet you Julia

    Stranger: I like your name 🙂

    You: Thank you.

    You: Well, I have a sexual scenario if you are interested.

    Stranger: I am, let's hear it 🙂

    You: School ended recently and I started my summer vacation. Bored, I went to the nearby lake to fish. Having lived nearby for a while, I went to my favorite spot on the edge of deep woods. Turns out that a pretty girl is laying nude there. (I can start if you want, but I would like you to have an interesting story as to why you are there.)

    Stranger: Alright sounds good you can start 🙂

    You: Okay. I can also link a picture of how I find you if you like.

    Stranger: Sure

    You: As I'm walking up to my fishing spot, I see a girl laying nude on the shore. I get closer and take some pictures. I then walk out of the treeline and say, "Um, hello." with confidence in my voice. (This is how I find you. http://img234.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=558509876_violetta_5390_122_74lo.jpg )

    Stranger: "Oh hi," I say, startled by your voice. "I didn't think people really came out here," I lay comfortably in the sand and make no move to cover up

    You: I look you over as I set my things down, amazed to find a girl nude in the woods. "I didn't either. What are you doing here?" I ask as I start walking to you.

    Stranger: "Well, I came here last night to go skinny dipping with friends and we got drunk so I fell asleep here in the woods. They must of left and taken my clothes with them as a joke. Oh well," I laugh it off. "And what brings you here?"

    You: I chuckle a bit when you tell me that story and I answer as I sit next to you, "Oh, I just came to fish." After a moment, I ask with a smirk, "So, did you decide to stay here because you don't want to have to stroll home nude?"

    Stranger: "Yeah pretty much," I giggle softly, "I think public nudity is also illegal so I don't really want to be arrested naked," I shrug and smile at you

    You: I smirk and tease as I rub your back, "Why not? I think a pretty and nude thing like you would be very popular in jail."

    Stranger: "I'd rather not spend my life naked in jail when I could spend it naked in the woods with an attractive stranger like yourself," I wink

    You: I move my hand down to your ass and say, "Well I can't argue with that one, dear."

    Stranger: "I've just declared this a nude beach, so I think you're wearing too much clothes to be allowed here," I say, looking you up and down

    You: I nod and say as I stand up, "Okay, I won't argue with you. I don't want to be in any trouble." I then start stripping my clothes off.

    Stranger: "Don't want to get arrested," I smirk and watch you as you take your clothes off, starting to get wet

    You: Once nude, I sit back down nude to you and ask, "So, are there any other regulations on your nude beach?"

    Stranger: "It's strongly suggested that you have sex with the prettiest girl, and it looks like I'm the only girl here so..."

    You: I smirk and ask as I mount you from behind, gripping your shoulders to pin you, "Okay, I want to be a law-abiding citizen here. Want to let me know about anything else?"

    Stranger: "You have to make me scream," I smirk, grinding my ass into you

    You: "Don't worry, I will." I reply with a grin as I prod your pussy to tease you.

    Stranger: "Mm don't tease, it's not allowed," I say, getting more and more turned on

    You: "Yes ma'am." I reply right before plunging as deep as I can into you.

    Stranger: "Ohh," I moan out and I close my eyes

    You: "Fuck, you're tight." I moan as I pull back and fuck you slowly.

    Stranger: My pussy clenches around your dick, making it tighter. "Mm harder please,"

    You: I nod and start speeding up as I enjoy you.

    Stranger: "Fuck mmm," I moan louder and grab the sand desperately

    You: I start pounding you fast and hard as time goes go, gripping your shoulders tighter as I start getting close.

    Stranger: "Ohh god," I moan and scream out as you go deep in my pussy, bringing me closer to cumming

    You: I reach my maximum pace and spank you once. "I'm going to cum..., hope you're okay with creampies..." I warn through a moan.

    Stranger: "Mmm okay.." I rock my hips against your thrusts as best I can, pushing your cock deeper

    You: When you start rocking your hips, it destroys what little stamina I have. As such, I slam into your and unload deep inside you.

    Stranger: Your cum inside me pushes me to the edge as well and I cum hard all over your dick

    You: I collapse onto your back in exhaustion and breathe heavily. "Fuck, that was good..."

    Stranger: "Absolutely, and you met all the beach requirements," I smile

    You: I smile and weakly roll off of you. "I like this beach." I reply as I lay on my back.

    Stranger: "I think it's my new favorite," I roll onto my back as well

    You: After a few moments, I tease, "So, would a cop be subject to the same regulations?"

    Stranger: "Oh of course, no one can slide past my laws," I laugh softly. "Why are you a cop?" I smile jokingly

    You: I shake my head and answer, "No, you just have that on my mind since the public nudity thing."

    Stranger: (You there?)

    You: (Yes. Did you get my reply?)

    Stranger: (I don't think so)

    Stranger: (Would you send it again please?)

    You: I shake my head and answer, "No, you just have that on my mind since the public nudity thing."

    Stranger: (I got that maybe you didn't get mine, I'll send again)

    Stranger: "Ah ok so if we got caught here then the cop would just have to fuck me, I mean there's no way around it," I smirk and laugh again

    You: I smirk and say as I get my phone out, "We could test the theory out and see what happens."

    Stranger: "What if it's an old guy, or a woman?" I laugh, thinking of all the possibilities

    You: I continue to smirk and answer, "I guess you would just have to find out."

    Stranger: "I guess so," I stand up, my legs slightly wobbly and your cum dripping on my thighs. "I'm gonna take a quick dip in the lake while we wait"

    You: I smile when I see my cum dripping out of you and then ask as you walk off, "So does that mean that you want me to call one on you?"

    Stranger: "Would you think it's hot?" I call over my shoulder as I dip my feet in the water

    You: I follow you to the edge of the water and answer as I dial 911, "Yes, but you would be taking a big risk."

    Stranger: "I like risks, and you'll be here too so I won't be arrested alone," I smirk, walking in up to my thighs

    You: "He'll arrest me for sure. I'm not a sexy girl. I'll be hiding. " I reply before bringing the phone to my ear. I explain to the operator that there is a nude girl soliciting sex and give them the proper location.

    Stranger: "Okay, they'll be here soon," I giggle and run my arms through the water. "Seducing a police man, should be a fun challenge,"

    You: I nod and get dressed while gathering my things. "It should be, I'll be nearby watching." I then walk off out of sight. (I'll play as the cop after your next post.)

    Stranger: "See you soon," I wave to you and wait in the water until the cop shows up

    You: It takes me a while to find a good area to enter the woods. Following through on this call wouldn't be easy as it would involve a lot of hiking, but I must do my job. After a while, I finally make it to the lake and I'm greeted by the sight of a girl much younger than myself wading in the water nude. "Good evening ma'am." I say to begin the investigation.

    Stranger: "Good evening officer, can I help you?"I respond, beginning to walk out of the water and towards you

    You: "Yes, I got a call about someone soliciting sex, is that true?" I reply.

    Stranger: "That can't be me, I just come here to be alone," I walk closer so we're several inches apart.

    You: I nod and say as I look down into your eyes, "Okay, but you know that you can't just prance around nude, right? That's a crime."

    Stranger: "Why would that be? I'm most comfortable when I'm naked, no one else comes around here anyway," I smirk

    You: "Well, children might come by and see you nude, it's irresponsible." I answer as I place my right hand on my handcuffs.

    Stranger: "I'll be more careful, you don't have to do that," I get closer to you to press my chest against you and place my hand over your right hand

    You: I get suspicious of you when your place your hand over mine. "Ma'am, what are you doing?" I ask, getting prepared to arrest you.

    Stranger: "I saw you reaching for your handcuffs, and I don't want to be arrested, please," I say and then add in a slightly seductive whisper in your ear, "I'll do whatever you want,"

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  10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHg9PJc1Nds

    Have you heard what they said on the news today?
    Have you heard what is coming to us all?
    That the world as we know it will be coming to an end
    Have you heard, have you heard?

    He sees them in the distance where the darkened clouds roll
    He could feel tension in the atmosphere
    He would look in the mirror, see an old man now
    Does it matter they survive somehow?

    They said there's nothing can be done about the situation
    They said there's nothing you can do at all
    To sit and wait around for something to occur
    Did you know, did you know?

    As he stares across the garden looking at the meadows
    And wonders if they'll ever grow again
    The desperation of the situation getting graver
    Getting ready when the wild wind blows

    Have you seen what they said on the news today?
    Have you heard what they said about us all?
    Do you know what is happening to just every one of us
    Have you heard, have you heard?

    There will be a catastrophe the like we've never seen
    There will be something that will light the sky
    That the world as we know it, it will never be the same
    Did you know, did you know?

    He carries everything into the shelter not a fuss
    Getting ready when the moment comes
    He has enough supplies to last them for a year or two
    Good to have because you never know

    They tell us nothing that we don't already know about
    They tell us nothing that is real at all
    They only fill us with the stuff that they want
    Did you know, did you know?

    He's nearly finished with the preparations for the day
    He's getting tired that'll do for now
    They are preparing for the very worst to come to them
    Getting ready when the wild wind blows

    He sees the picture on the wall, it's falling down upside down
    He sees a teardrop from his wife roll down her face, saying grace
    Remember times they had, they flash right through his mind left behind
    Of a lifetime spent together long ago will be gone

    They've been preparing for some weeks now
    For when the crucial moment comes
    To take their refuge in the shelter
    Let them prepare for what will come

    They make a tea and sit there waiting
    They're in the shelter feeling snug
    Not long to wait for absolution
    Don't make a fuss; just sit and wait

    Can't believe all the lying,
    All the screens are denying
    That the moments of truth have begun

    Can't you see it on the TV?
    Don't believe them in the least bit
    Now the days of our ending have begun

    Say a prayer when it's all over
    Survivors unite all as one
    Got to try and help each other
    Got the will to overcome

    I can't believe all the lying,
    All the screens are denying
    That the moments of truth have begun

    Can't you see it on the TV?
    Don't believe them in the least bit
    Now the days of our ending have begun

    When they found them, had their arms wrapped around each other
    Their tins of poison laying near by their clothes
    The day they both mistook an earthquake for the fallout,
    Just another when the wild wind blows...

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  11. This shit is stupid, like, wow. Touching yourself is natural and saying it causes homosexuality is not true what so ever. You don't have a problem with masturbation, you just don't want people to be gay. Nowhere in the bible does it say homosexuality is wrong. What it does teach is to practice kindness and acceptance to everyone which you're clearly going against. You're more "sinful" than a dozen homosexuals put together. Ridiculous. Mind your own business and focus on your own 'purity' if you're so perfect.

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  12. I love to masturbate while looking at topless FEMEN protests. This does not make me a homosexual. Apparently, this makes me a religious Patriarch. It doesn't matter that I'm actually an atheist and more into femdom stuff than lamestream porn. It makes me the enemy.

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  13. Esta web tiene que ser una puta broma, no?
    Es imposible que exista tal panda de ignorantes refugiados bajo una falsa y arcaica fe

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  14. You're right! turns out, I'm extremely gay! I am having sex with my friends who are also men as I write this comment. I love erect penis.

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  15. Okay, first: homosexuality is NOT a choice. Second: Masturbation is a natural stress reliever and is not a Sin, the fact that out taxes go into such a stupid project makes me cringe. Third: just about everyone has masturbated at least once growing up. Fourth: why the Fuck does this website even exist?

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  16. Lmao this shit is fucked up. Masterbation is proven to lower stress and anxiety levels, makes you happier, and prevents people from making a wrong decision with sex/ spreading a disease they may have.
    You are not gay if you masturbate, you are sane.

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  17. I love this side it is so funny to read stupid informations about masturbation. All of your arguments make me keep going on masturbating. Ahahahahah (roflkopter)

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  18. The fact that some people are taking this seriously is really causing me to question my faith in humanity. It's not even subtle it's painfully obvious satire... I pray for you all.

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  19. 5% of the catholic church are pedophiles who have RAPED innocent CHILDREN, yet you have a website deciding on if masturbation is a sin?

    I wank RELIGIOUSLY to porn with naked WOMEN, its a natural urge and a natural stress reliever. If you are going to criticise a group of people maybe you should look within religion first.....

    ALL of my mates wank and i can assure you none of them are gay. This website is another reason why i have lost faith in humanity. You worship a religion that was plagiarized from Egyptian mythology which was based on worship of the sun. Jesus never existed, do some bloody research before devoting you life to idiocy.

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  20. Help, I have cum down with "The Gay" xDDD oh my cod this website is so fucking stupid

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  21. Holy fucking shit, this site actually exists. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my entire life, I'm laughing so hard right now, damn, it proves that a lot of people are mentally deficient.

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