Friends, as you know, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW ministries are dedicated to educating the world about the dangers of masturbation. One of the more disturbing faithfacts we have uncovered is that masturbation is a gateway homosexual act that has directly led to the moral decay of this great nation.
The federally funded study, conducted by faith scientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.), took 16 months and $645,000 of your tax dollars in order to conclusively link the act of masturbation with making the choice to become a homosexual. As you can see in the chart below, the correlation is undeniable. The more someone masturbates, the more gay they become. Only the most ignorant and depraved masturhater could reject these results.
It turns out that masturbators become desensitized to their own sin zones over time and an ever-increasing amount of masturbation sessions. This phenomenon, masturbation plus time equals homosexuality, can be measured with the equation:
After making the conscious decision to turn into a homosexual, masturbators are suddenly thrust into an erotic lifestyle where they have gained access to to a seemingly limitless number of exciting new same-sex genitals.
In conclusion, the link between masturbation and hardcore homosexuality is common sense. After all, a man getting sexually aroused by touching an erect penis sounds pretty gay to me.
Sorry masturbators! Turns out that…
God bless some of you!