Faith Fact Series

Is Masturbation a Homosexual Act?

Friends, as you know, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW ministries are dedicated to educating the world about the dangers of masturbation.  One of the more disturbing faithfacts we have uncovered is that masturbation is a gateway homosexual act that has directly led to the moral decay of this great nation.

Typical masturbators flaunting their sin.

Typical masturbators flaunting their sin.

The federally funded study, conducted by faith scientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.), took 16 months and $645,000 of your tax dollars in order to conclusively link the act of masturbation with making the choice to become a homosexual.  As you can see in the chart below, the correlation is undeniable.  The more someone masturbates, the more gay they become.  Only the most ignorant and depraved masturhater could reject these results.

The proof is in the science.

The proof is in the science.

It turns out that masturbators become desensitized to their own sin zones over time and an ever-increasing amount of masturbation sessions.  This phenomenon, masturbation plus time equals homosexuality, can be measured with the equation:

M+△tAB=▼

After making the conscious decision to turn into a homosexual, masturbators are suddenly thrust into an erotic lifestyle where they have gained access to to a seemingly limitless number of exciting new same-sex genitals.

In conclusion, the link between masturbation and hardcore homosexuality is common sense.  After all, a man getting sexually aroused by touching an erect penis sounds pretty gay to me.

Sorry masturbators!  Turns out that…

God bless some of you!

-Lonnie Childs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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notatallanutjobMehmet ErbudakJoe Hemsworth Psy.MLOONARBZ UNITEmega whacker Recent comment authors
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Truffle
Member

Before Lonnie found me and cleansed me in his Golden Shower of love and forgiveness, I was on the verge of turning into a lesbionic, due to my sinful behaviour. I thank white American Jesus, everyday that I am now 160% heterosexual, just the way the good Lord intended.

Amen!

Ken Day
Guest
Ken Day

Mr. Childs appears to be quite the life saver. May his hard work never be taken for granted.

Kevin
Guest

Masturbation isn’t gay when there is tons of pussys to masturbate to, unless you are gag there’s tons of cocks too. Everyone wins yay Internet !!!

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Guest
Stan Loona Stan Vivi

Jesus is a black Jew
God is a female
Get your facts straight

LOONARBZ UNITE
Guest
LOONARBZ UNITE

OMG UR A VARB HAYYYY

mega whacker
Guest
mega whacker

“lesbionic” is that the new name for a lesbian bionic hmm?

Ken Day
Guest
Ken Day

I continue to be impressed with the work of Dr. Childs*. I don’t know what other proof the non-believers and sinners have to see in order to understand the error of their ways. Thank you for breaking this simple faith fact down into layman’s terms so the average mouth breathing sinner can understand it. I’ll be sure to read it, slowly, to any I encounter. * – I apologize profusely if “Doctor” is a lesser term than what you deserve to be called Mr. Childs. I just assumed from your vast knowledge shown on your site that you are at… Read more »

augustweisz
Admin

A man touching a penis and enjoying it is the most homosexual act there is.

david
Guest
david

holy shit this website is actually a real thing

Carlos Danger
Member

As real as the streets

Grass
Guest
Grass

Huusshhh it’s a joke this website isn’t real

Haha
Guest
Haha

I believe that everyone here are idiots. You should all open your minds to marriage equality and the fact that you can love anyone. Some of the posts on here are just idiocy. Masturbation obviously doesn’t cause natural disasters, sinkholes or anything else like that, how about you stop making up fake facts and put your faith in SCIENCE.

Hailey
Guest

The website is obviously ironic

Gabe Itch
Guest
Gabe Itch

I know …. and it’s fucking hilarious

Eddie Furton
Guest
Eddie Furton

I hate masturbating, but i like to get my friends penis in my butt. Am i a sinner? and if so, is there a way for me to purify myself?

Truffle
Member

Give up the HomoGay™ lifestyle, accept Lonnie as your Saviour and take the SMN pledge.

Eddie Furton
Guest
Eddie Furton

SMN pledge. What’s that? There is a reason for my gayhomosexual lifestyle. I hate to admit but its money!! I want to give up that life!!! Is it free to accept this Lonnie guy as my savior? How about this SMN pledge thingy? These religious things tend to be as expensive as the devil’s sin list.

Truffle
Member

Eddie, Salvation is free. If you’d care to look at our Phototestimonials section, you will see what is required. Submit a picture of yourself, with a written pledge, denouncing your HomoGay™ lifestyle and you will be saved. Lonnie will always love you.

Iain Turnbull
Guest

Lonnie:- What About women?? They Masturbate & don’t suffer a sex change, I think you are a repressed Homosexual & “Get your kicks” The only way you apparently can !! You need help Preferably from a Homosexual Male!!P.S. Just in case you think differently. I’m a straight Male With erectile problems due to an Operation for Prostate Cancer I Cannot Masturbate!!

Nikita Shalavin
Member

Hi Iain, I’ll be happy to answer your stupid question. Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. In other words, after a certain number of masturbations a woman will eventually turn She-gay.

Julian Taylor
Member

This is true. I have seen it happen!

Alex
Guest
Alex

She-gay omg im crying this is too funny

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Guest
Stan Loona Stan Vivi

Sex.* you touch the sex organ of your own sex. Some nonbinary people got pussies and others got dicks my dude sex and gender are different things 😪

Eve
Guest
Eve

There is no God, but when you masturbate to climax you can almost see him.

Truffle
Member

That’s not God, that’s Satan! I believe you will be going straight to hell for lying anyway, Eve. Lesser-gendered species do NOT climax, as you so eloquently put it. HARLOT! The female ‘O’ is a myth. Ain’t nothing a good exorcism can’t fix.

Praying at you!

Ms Millie Tant
Guest
Ms Millie Tant

Here is a female victim admitting that God is a rapist. Honey, that “God” that you saw was indeed Satan, who kept on thrashing inside of you while you were struggling and crying out: NO! NO! NO!. But… you see… it was also God! Who is this God/Satan entity, you may ask? It is an evil convergence of two opposing deities who found common ground, called: THE PATRIARCHY. Also Eve, why are you masturbating and having patriarchal religious rape fantasies while you should be fighting the PATRIARCHY with the rest of the sisterhood? Get with the program sister! The Junior… Read more »

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Guest
Stan Loona Stan Vivi

This seriously looks like a Wattpad fanfiction

A Smart Guy
Guest
A Smart Guy

No it’s god

Whatever
Guest
Whatever

Well, if that’s Satan, and if Satan allows me to masturbate, have homosexual relationships, and control my body, I’ll be much better in Hell. 😀

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Guest
Stan Loona Stan Vivi

Okay what the FUCK does ‘praying at you’ mean?? It sounds so threatening stop

balls
Guest

yes.

A-M
Guest
A-M

God bless gay people.

LezBeHonest
Guest
LezBeHonest

This whole web site is a joke… Right?

JesusHad2Dads
Guest
JesusHad2Dads

Omg idek are they serious

Haha
Guest
Haha

I really hope these idiots are not serious.

Carlos Danger
Member

Big Masturbation has most of the world fooled into think masturbation is harmless but this taxpayer funded study conclusively shows it leads to homosinuality. Shame on Big Masturbation and Obama.

Amber
Guest
Amber

I pray (pun intended) that this site is just a huge joke… There’s no way that this isn’t satirical…But it if is, there is no hope left for humanity.

dexterbattygarteniii
Guest

Don’t worry ma’am; its not satire. I know it doesn’t seem so when your drowning in masturbation but there is a little hope for humanity left. you too can take the SMN pledge and be saved.

What the actual fuck
Guest
What the actual fuck

Okay so what the actual fuck is wrong with you people this so called “fact” is your own oppinon and has not been proven by anyone official on the other hand IT HAS BEEN PROVEN that madturbation is healthy and normal and you are taking this the wrong way you dipshits really think youre so called “god” hates gay people THEN WHY THE FLYING FUCK ISNT HE SENDING DOME GOD FUCKIJG REDEMPTION YOU HIPOCRIT SONS OF ******* IGNORANT PIECES OF SHIAT… okay had to let that one out becayse some of the measures you christians take against masturbation is just… Read more »

dexterbattygarteniii
Guest

Please can you quit it with the potty mouth. not only does it undermine the point you are struggling to make (I think) but there are many, many children viewing this holy net-site and your capitalization and rage is likely to give them nightmares. which , unlike there anti masturbation devices, will stop them from sleeping.
Praying at you.

A Smart Guy
Guest
A Smart Guy

I feel sorry for parents who force their kids to see this site

PS: fuck, bitch, damn, motherfucker, asshole

Carlos Danger
Member

But it’s okay to let them go to Double Hell for all eternity? We think about children masturbating a lot and pray long and hard at them.

Artyom M. Nikoleyhv
Guest
Artyom M. Nikoleyhv

DOUBLE HELL!?

Anon
Guest
Anon

If in Double Hell I’m allowed to masturbate and to have homosexual relationships, I’d be in there rather than in Heaven where I would be forbidden to do so.

notatallanutjob
Guest
notatallanutjob

Yes my children sleep so much better since I put them in a straight jacket and put spicky gloves on them, when I put the to bed. Since I am afraid that my kid will develop a psychatry-fetish or masochism due to these holy tools, I also cuff their hands onto the bed.
I cut a hole into their pyjamas so not even the fabric touches their genitals. I was thinking about cutting their genitals of, but the raditiation of 5G towers would enter their body and make them gay frogs.

PEOPLE DO YOUR RESEARCH!

Carlos Danger
Member

Your body belongs to God therefore when you masturbate without his permission you are raping your God’s property.

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Guest
Stan Loona Stan Vivi

If god really did create me, she created me so I can masturbate 😊

Hermaphrodite
Guest
Hermaphrodite

I orgasm to Zwus

like_i_will_say
Guest
like_i_will_say

is this for real or is it some big internet troll….

karuroshi aikawa
Guest

All the page is a b8

Carlos Danger
Member

Thank you Brother Lonnie for this timely reminder that masturbation not only kills but turns you into a homogay as well. Praise!

James
Guest
James

I think I caught a masturbator. You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like Roleplay. You: Hi Stranger: Hey You: Asl? Stranger: F 18 USA You: 18 M NC You: How are you? Stranger: I’m Julia, doing well how about you? You: I’m doing well as well, thank you. I’m James and it’s nice to meet you Julia Stranger: I like your name 🙂 You: Thank you. You: Well, I have a sexual scenario if you are interested. Stranger: I am, let’s hear it 🙂 You: School ended recently and I started my summer vacation. Bored,… Read more »

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Guest
Stan Loona Stan Vivi

Why did I just read this whole thing I want to die now

Cliff Burton
Guest
Cliff Burton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHg9PJc1Nds Have you heard what they said on the news today? Have you heard what is coming to us all? That the world as we know it will be coming to an end Have you heard, have you heard? He sees them in the distance where the darkened clouds roll He could feel tension in the atmosphere He would look in the mirror, see an old man now Does it matter they survive somehow? They said there’s nothing can be done about the situation They said there’s nothing you can do at all To sit and wait around for something… Read more »

Lick my ass hole and call me penny
Guest
Lick my ass hole and call me penny

This shit is stupid, like, wow. Touching yourself is natural and saying it causes homosexuality is not true what so ever. You don’t have a problem with masturbation, you just don’t want people to be gay. Nowhere in the bible does it say homosexuality is wrong. What it does teach is to practice kindness and acceptance to everyone which you’re clearly going against. You’re more “sinful” than a dozen homosexuals put together. Ridiculous. Mind your own business and focus on your own ‘purity’ if you’re so perfect.

Danknuggs
Guest
Danknuggs

This has to be a satire website…. Please tell me people aren’t this stupid

MissG82
Guest

unfortunately there are a lot of stupid people. This page is satire. Visit the page of facebook you will pee your pants laughing

Andre
Guest
Andre

God bless the people that created this site may he have mercy on your souls.

Mykeru's Law
Guest
Mykeru's Law

I love to masturbate while looking at topless FEMEN protests. This does not make me a homosexual. Apparently, this makes me a religious Patriarch. It doesn’t matter that I’m actually an atheist and more into femdom stuff than lamestream porn. It makes me the enemy.

Knut Holt
Guest

Every man has a little homo (or a big one) inside, and of coutce that one has a good time when you masturbate.

Akira Barlow
Guest
Akira Barlow

Esta web tiene que ser una puta broma, no?
Es imposible que exista tal panda de ignorantes refugiados bajo una falsa y arcaica fe

Marcus
Guest
Marcus

You’re right! turns out, I’m extremely gay! I am having sex with my friends who are also men as I write this comment. I love erect penis.

Everyone's equil when their dead.
Guest
Everyone's equil when their dead.

Okay, first: homosexuality is NOT a choice. Second: Masturbation is a natural stress reliever and is not a Sin, the fact that out taxes go into such a stupid project makes me cringe. Third: just about everyone has masturbated at least once growing up. Fourth: why the Fuck does this website even exist?

Cocklover69
Guest
Cocklover69

this website if funny af

Fuck religion
Guest
Fuck religion

Lmao this shit is fucked up. Masterbation is proven to lower stress and anxiety levels, makes you happier, and prevents people from making a wrong decision with sex/ spreading a disease they may have.
You are not gay if you masturbate, you are sane.

Stan Loona Stan Vivi
Guest
Stan Loona Stan Vivi

God seriously though. I guess they want us to be depressed as masturbation is one of the most effective ways to produce endorphins that we all have at our disposal

The Masturbator
Guest
The Masturbator

I love this side it is so funny to read stupid informations about masturbation. All of your arguments make me keep going on masturbating. Ahahahahah (roflkopter)

Me
Guest
Me

The fact that some people are taking this seriously is really causing me to question my faith in humanity. It’s not even subtle it’s painfully obvious satire… I pray for you all.

sean
Guest
sean

5% of the catholic church are pedophiles who have RAPED innocent CHILDREN, yet you have a website deciding on if masturbation is a sin? I wank RELIGIOUSLY to porn with naked WOMEN, its a natural urge and a natural stress reliever. If you are going to criticise a group of people maybe you should look within religion first….. ALL of my mates wank and i can assure you none of them are gay. This website is another reason why i have lost faith in humanity. You worship a religion that was plagiarized from Egyptian mythology which was based on worship… Read more »

She-gay™
Guest

yes I am a lesbionic homogay I can confirm that this is 100% true

LesbianThatLovesToF**kHerself
Guest
LesbianThatLovesToF**kHerself

Help, I have cum down with “The Gay” xDDD oh my cod this website is so fucking stupid

Ramon Fonseca
Guest

Yes! I always knew I was gay! The fact that I masturbate daily just proves it! Now I can tell my friend that masturbation is okay!?

Eliza Mahon
Guest
Eliza Mahon

Holy fucking shit, this site actually exists. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, I’m laughing so hard right now, damn, it proves that a lot of people are mentally deficient.

YO MEMEs
Guest
YO MEMEs

oops bamboozled again shit well boys hmu

Educated guy
Guest
Educated guy

You need to go out to explore the world and its different cultures, because your ignorance is too much for the rest of us to handle. I wonder which is the most unnatural thing, a man masturbating or a man ruling the earth living above the clouds and his magician son turning water into booze.

Sandra Dillon
Guest
Sandra Dillon

FUCK THIS DAMN BULLSHIT

Emo_Lesbian_Homosexual
Guest

As a lesbian, I find this some funny shit. Haha fuck you, I’m not homophobic my dude.

balls
Guest

balls, nuts even !! balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even !!balls, nuts even… Read more »

masturbator123
Guest
masturbator123

I was gay before I started masturbating, so your wrong..

Joe Hemsworth Psy.M
Guest
Joe Hemsworth Psy.M

I’m homosexual, I have a husband and we’re happily married. What’s wrong with being gay? Does your superstition condemn it?

Mehmet Erbudak
Guest
Mehmet Erbudak

Thanks.Very useful. greeting from Turkey.