Friends, as you know, we here at STOP Masturbation NOW ministries are dedicated to educating the world about the dangers of masturbation. One of the more disturbing faithfacts we have uncovered is that masturbation is a gateway homosexual act that has directly led to the moral decay of this great nation.
The federally funded study, conducted by faith scientists at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faithfacts (B.L.U.F.F.), took 16 months and $645,000 of your tax dollars in order to conclusively link the act of masturbation with making the choice to become a homosexual. As you can see in the chart below, the correlation is undeniable. The more someone masturbates, the more gay they become. Only the most ignorant and depraved masturhater could reject these results.
It turns out that masturbators become desensitized to their own sin zones over time and an ever-increasing amount of masturbation sessions. This phenomenon, masturbation plus time equals homosexuality, can be measured with the equation:
M+△tAB=▼
After making the conscious decision to turn into a homosexual, masturbators are suddenly thrust into an erotic lifestyle where they have gained access to to a seemingly limitless number of exciting new same-sex genitals.
In conclusion, the link between masturbation and hardcore homosexuality is common sense. After all, a man getting sexually aroused by touching an erect penis sounds pretty gay to me.
Sorry masturbators! Turns out that…
God bless some of you!
-Lonnie Childs
Before Lonnie found me and cleansed me in his Golden Shower of love and forgiveness, I was on the verge of turning into a lesbionic, due to my sinful behaviour. I thank white American Jesus, everyday that I am now 160% heterosexual, just the way the good Lord intended.
Amen!
Mr. Childs appears to be quite the life saver. May his hard work never be taken for granted.
Masturbation isn’t gay when there is tons of pussys to masturbate to, unless you are gag there’s tons of cocks too. Everyone wins yay Internet !!!
Jesus is a black Jew
God is a female
Get your facts straight
OMG UR A VARB HAYYYY
Blasfêmia contra O Supremo Criador Espírito Divino Ninguém sabe como é Deus De Verdade a única coisas que eu sei Deus É Espírito então não tem genitálias só quando ele veio a terra ele e Espírito Gênesis 1:1 E o Espírito de Deus Pairava sobre as Águas e Jesus ninguém Sabe a verdadeira forma dele e Pelo Jeito vc é Racista
“lesbionic” is that the new name for a lesbian bionic hmm?
I continue to be impressed with the work of Dr. Childs*. I don’t know what other proof the non-believers and sinners have to see in order to understand the error of their ways. Thank you for breaking this simple faith fact down into layman’s terms so the average mouth breathing sinner can understand it. I’ll be sure to read it, slowly, to any I encounter. * – I apologize profusely if “Doctor” is a lesser term than what you deserve to be called Mr. Childs. I just assumed from your vast knowledge shown on your site that you are at… Read more »
A man touching a penis and enjoying it is the most homosexual act there is.
holy shit this website is actually a real thing
As real as the streets
Huusshhh it’s a joke this website isn’t real
I believe that everyone here are idiots. You should all open your minds to marriage equality and the fact that you can love anyone. Some of the posts on here are just idiocy. Masturbation obviously doesn’t cause natural disasters, sinkholes or anything else like that, how about you stop making up fake facts and put your faith in SCIENCE.
The website is obviously ironic
I know …. and it’s fucking hilarious
I hate masturbating, but i like to get my friends penis in my butt. Am i a sinner? and if so, is there a way for me to purify myself?
Give up the HomoGay™ lifestyle, accept Lonnie as your Saviour and take the SMN pledge.
SMN pledge. What’s that? There is a reason for my gayhomosexual lifestyle. I hate to admit but its money!! I want to give up that life!!! Is it free to accept this Lonnie guy as my savior? How about this SMN pledge thingy? These religious things tend to be as expensive as the devil’s sin list.
Eddie, Salvation is free. If you’d care to look at our Phototestimonials section, you will see what is required. Submit a picture of yourself, with a written pledge, denouncing your HomoGay™ lifestyle and you will be saved. Lonnie will always love you.
Lonnie:- What About women?? They Masturbate & don’t suffer a sex change, I think you are a repressed Homosexual & “Get your kicks” The only way you apparently can !! You need help Preferably from a Homosexual Male!!P.S. Just in case you think differently. I’m a straight Male With erectile problems due to an Operation for Prostate Cancer I Cannot Masturbate!!
Hi Iain, I’ll be happy to answer your stupid question. Masturbation is a same-sex sex-act that one performs on themselves. By doing so, you touch the sex organ of your own gender and become so aroused that you climax. In other words, after a certain number of masturbations a woman will eventually turn She-gay.
This is true. I have seen it happen!
She-gay omg im crying this is too funny
Sex.* you touch the sex organ of your own sex. Some nonbinary people got pussies and others got dicks my dude sex and gender are different things 😪
There is no God, but when you masturbate to climax you can almost see him.
That’s not God, that’s Satan! I believe you will be going straight to hell for lying anyway, Eve. Lesser-gendered species do NOT climax, as you so eloquently put it. HARLOT! The female ‘O’ is a myth. Ain’t nothing a good exorcism can’t fix.
Praying at you!
Here is a female victim admitting that God is a rapist. Honey, that “God” that you saw was indeed Satan, who kept on thrashing inside of you while you were struggling and crying out: NO! NO! NO!. But… you see… it was also God! Who is this God/Satan entity, you may ask? It is an evil convergence of two opposing deities who found common ground, called: THE PATRIARCHY. Also Eve, why are you masturbating and having patriarchal religious rape fantasies while you should be fighting the PATRIARCHY with the rest of the sisterhood? Get with the program sister! The Junior… Read more »
This seriously looks like a Wattpad fanfiction
No it’s god
Well, if that’s Satan, and if Satan allows me to masturbate, have homosexual relationships, and control my body, I’ll be much better in Hell. 😀
Okay what the FUCK does ‘praying at you’ mean?? It sounds so threatening stop
yes.
God bless gay people.
This whole web site is a joke… Right?
Omg idek are they serious
I really hope these idiots are not serious.
Big Masturbation has most of the world fooled into think masturbation is harmless but this taxpayer funded study conclusively shows it leads to homosinuality. Shame on Big Masturbation and Obama.
I pray (pun intended) that this site is just a huge joke… There’s no way that this isn’t satirical…But it if is, there is no hope left for humanity.
Don’t worry ma’am; its not satire. I know it doesn’t seem so when your drowning in masturbation but there is a little hope for humanity left. you too can take the SMN pledge and be saved.
Okay so what the actual fuck is wrong with you people this so called “fact” is your own oppinon and has not been proven by anyone official on the other hand IT HAS BEEN PROVEN that madturbation is healthy and normal and you are taking this the wrong way you dipshits really think youre so called “god” hates gay people THEN WHY THE FLYING FUCK ISNT HE SENDING DOME GOD FUCKIJG REDEMPTION YOU HIPOCRIT SONS OF ******* IGNORANT PIECES OF SHIAT… okay had to let that one out becayse some of the measures you christians take against masturbation is just… Read more »
Please can you quit it with the potty mouth. not only does it undermine the point you are struggling to make (I think) but there are many, many children viewing this holy net-site and your capitalization and rage is likely to give them nightmares. which , unlike there anti masturbation devices, will stop them from sleeping.
Praying at you.
I feel sorry for parents who force their kids to see this site
PS: fuck, bitch, damn, motherfucker, asshole
But it’s okay to let them go to Double Hell for all eternity? We think about children masturbating a lot and pray long and hard at them.
DOUBLE HELL!?
If in Double Hell I’m allowed to masturbate and to have homosexual relationships, I’d be in there rather than in Heaven where I would be forbidden to do so.
Yes my children sleep so much better since I put them in a straight jacket and put spicky gloves on them, when I put the to bed. Since I am afraid that my kid will develop a psychatry-fetish or masochism due to these holy tools, I also cuff their hands onto the bed.
I cut a hole into their pyjamas so not even the fabric touches their genitals. I was thinking about cutting their genitals of, but the raditiation of 5G towers would enter their body and make them gay frogs.
PEOPLE DO YOUR RESEARCH!
Your body belongs to God therefore when you masturbate without his permission you are raping your God’s property.
If god really did create me, she created me so I can masturbate 😊
I orgasm to Zwus
is this for real or is it some big internet troll….
All the page is a b8
Thank you Brother Lonnie for this timely reminder that masturbation not only kills but turns you into a homogay as well. Praise!
I think I caught a masturbator. You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! You both like Roleplay. You: Hi Stranger: Hey You: Asl? Stranger: F 18 USA You: 18 M NC You: How are you? Stranger: I’m Julia, doing well how about you? You: I’m doing well as well, thank you. I’m James and it’s nice to meet you Julia Stranger: I like your name 🙂 You: Thank you. You: Well, I have a sexual scenario if you are interested. Stranger: I am, let’s hear it 🙂 You: School ended recently and I started my summer vacation. Bored,… Read more »
Why did I just read this whole thing I want to die now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHg9PJc1Nds Have you heard what they said on the news today? Have you heard what is coming to us all? That the world as we know it will be coming to an end Have you heard, have you heard? He sees them in the distance where the darkened clouds roll He could feel tension in the atmosphere He would look in the mirror, see an old man now Does it matter they survive somehow? They said there’s nothing can be done about the situation They said there’s nothing you can do at all To sit and wait around for something… Read more »
This shit is stupid, like, wow. Touching yourself is natural and saying it causes homosexuality is not true what so ever. You don’t have a problem with masturbation, you just don’t want people to be gay. Nowhere in the bible does it say homosexuality is wrong. What it does teach is to practice kindness and acceptance to everyone which you’re clearly going against. You’re more “sinful” than a dozen homosexuals put together. Ridiculous. Mind your own business and focus on your own ‘purity’ if you’re so perfect.
This has to be a satire website…. Please tell me people aren’t this stupid
unfortunately there are a lot of stupid people. This page is satire. Visit the page of facebook you will pee your pants laughing
God bless the people that created this site may he have mercy on your souls.
I love to masturbate while looking at topless FEMEN protests. This does not make me a homosexual. Apparently, this makes me a religious Patriarch. It doesn’t matter that I’m actually an atheist and more into femdom stuff than lamestream porn. It makes me the enemy.
Every man has a little homo (or a big one) inside, and of coutce that one has a good time when you masturbate.
Esta web tiene que ser una puta broma, no?
Es imposible que exista tal panda de ignorantes refugiados bajo una falsa y arcaica fe
You’re right! turns out, I’m extremely gay! I am having sex with my friends who are also men as I write this comment. I love erect penis.
Okay, first: homosexuality is NOT a choice. Second: Masturbation is a natural stress reliever and is not a Sin, the fact that out taxes go into such a stupid project makes me cringe. Third: just about everyone has masturbated at least once growing up. Fourth: why the Fuck does this website even exist?
this website if funny af
Lmao this shit is fucked up. Masterbation is proven to lower stress and anxiety levels, makes you happier, and prevents people from making a wrong decision with sex/ spreading a disease they may have.
You are not gay if you masturbate, you are sane.
God seriously though. I guess they want us to be depressed as masturbation is one of the most effective ways to produce endorphins that we all have at our disposal
I love this side it is so funny to read stupid informations about masturbation. All of your arguments make me keep going on masturbating. Ahahahahah (roflkopter)
The fact that some people are taking this seriously is really causing me to question my faith in humanity. It’s not even subtle it’s painfully obvious satire… I pray for you all.
5% of the catholic church are pedophiles who have RAPED innocent CHILDREN, yet you have a website deciding on if masturbation is a sin? I wank RELIGIOUSLY to porn with naked WOMEN, its a natural urge and a natural stress reliever. If you are going to criticise a group of people maybe you should look within religion first….. ALL of my mates wank and i can assure you none of them are gay. This website is another reason why i have lost faith in humanity. You worship a religion that was plagiarized from Egyptian mythology which was based on worship… Read more »
yes I am a lesbionic homogay I can confirm that this is 100% true
Help, I have cum down with “The Gay” xDDD oh my cod this website is so fucking stupid
Yes! I always knew I was gay! The fact that I masturbate daily just proves it! Now I can tell my friend that masturbation is okay!?
Holy fucking shit, this site actually exists. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, I’m laughing so hard right now, damn, it proves that a lot of people are mentally deficient.
oops bamboozled again shit well boys hmu
You need to go out to explore the world and its different cultures, because your ignorance is too much for the rest of us to handle. I wonder which is the most unnatural thing, a man masturbating or a man ruling the earth living above the clouds and his magician son turning water into booze.
FUCK THIS DAMN BULLSHIT
As a lesbian, I find this some funny shit. Haha fuck you, I’m not homophobic my dude.
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I was gay before I started masturbating, so your wrong..
I’m homosexual, I have a husband and we’re happily married. What’s wrong with being gay? Does your superstition condemn it?
Thanks.Very useful. greeting from Turkey.
Imagine being anti masturbation
Cringe
i just had a circlejerk with my buddy eric. try to stop me stopmasturbationnow.org
i masturbat it lonnie childs assevery day