News of today’s Apple iPhone event has brought the continued speculation that the Cupertino based electronics giant also plans to unveil a “wearable” device. Apple fanatics have dubbed the proposed wearable the “iWatch” but so far Apple itself has not confirmed such a device will be unveiled at their “9-9-2014” event. The new iPhone mobile device, “iPhone 6”, is expected to be announced today in two different sizes.
The secrecy surrounding today’s event has led many in the anti-masturbation app developing community to leak developer only information that they have had access to in the hours leading up today’s event scheduled for 10am PST.
Developer Leo Bush of FaithApps, Inc. released information that he and his dev team have been building an app set to run on the iPhone 6 that will cause the phone to get unreasonably hot to the touch if the user views anything of a prurient interest. Bush’s app, expected to release in conjunction with the new phones, is tentatively titled “Burning Desire”. The app is still pending approval that it will work on both expected versions of the upcoming iPhones as, according to Bush, “Apple has kept us developers in the dark on the details up to this point. We expect no real delays however and are ready to work with what Apple announces on the 9th.”
Anti-masturbation advocates are most excited about the rumored “iWatch” as leaked insider information has led many to believe that the watch is a trojan horse anti-masturbation device. Dennis Sullivan, CEO of app developing firm Faith Maiden Industries, claims that his firm received prototype details that showed “buried in the proprietary code of the watch’s OS is some really incredible stuff.” Sullivan added, “Basically, there is an accelerometer that has been tailored specifically to the motions of both male and female masturbation. The watch will sense when someone is masturbating and send a shock pulse through the back of the device and then shut itself off for 24 hours as a form of ‘punishment’ to the offending user. I don’t expect Apple will announce this feature during their press conference, but it seems the developers are on our side yet again.”
This reporter is very excited to see some of these apps and devices implemented in the coming weeks and months. Bravo, Apple for taking a stand against masturbation!