Masturbation: Offensive Across All Seven Deadly Sins

FaithFacts Study Concludes the Depth of Self Rape Sin and the Harm on the Everlasting Soul

Safford, AZ – For years, the Stop Masturbation Now! Ministries has warned of and demonstrated the evils of Masturbation. The absolute harm done when one inflicts self rape activity on his or her soul when finger dancing the skin flute or spelunking the sin cave is incontrovertible, but still, agents of Big Masturbation have implanted seeds of doubt within the minds of the gullible and non-normal populations of God’s earth.

A shocking study performed at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) laboratories through a federal grant to the FaithFacts© division of The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow© has revealed an astounding finding; the sin of self rape offends God across all seven of the deadly sins.

lust is the most obvious of the seven deadly sins which masturbation sinners are guilty. Lust occurs when sexual desires penetrate the brain. Satan uses this sinful energy to freely guide the hands toward the sexual organs for the purpose of manual stimulation and release. Lust is what causes trouser twitch when Sweet Sally bends over or when noticing Handsome Hank’s bulge when he wears his pants a size too small.

gluttony is the selfish sin, one where earthly stimuli is gorged into the body with no concern for the consequences. In addition to overindulgence in sinful messages, self rape is selfish gluttony because the sinner is sexing his or her own organs with no concern for loved ones or anyone else around. Masturbation is a lonely sin committed by loners.

greed is the sin of excess, or the rapacious desire and pursuit of material possessions which one places above the need for God’s love. There is no purposeful need to wastefully ejaculate semen into a napkin or worn sock. Nor is there a human need to saturate one’s sinful fish hole with moisture for no procreational purpose. Hence, self rape is greed in this respect; it is a sinful will for excess.

sloth occurs when physical or spiritual laziness overtakes the human will and causes neglect for prayer, chores, and care for loved ones. When a person decides to “pull one out” before rising after nocturnal slumber, that person demonstrates a masturbatory will to remain prone for mono-sexual release. That person is guilty of the deadly sin of sloth. Also, there is always something better to be doing with the hands rather than stimulating the dirty sex organs, such as praying, helping the elderly across the street, or expending waste. This is the sin of spiritual sloth.

wrath is the rage sin, described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. Self rape is ultimate abuse against the self. What has a penis ever done to deserve being choked until it burp spurts baby making gravy? What offense is a female vag-hole guilty of where a penetrative rubbing or insertion is needed as punishment? A sexual organ never gives consent for this type of self abuse. Self rape is the raging sin of wrath against the person.

envy, like lust and greed, is characterized by an insatiable desire. The sin of envy occurs when the sinner covets that which another possesses. During the sin the masturbation, the self rapist will have fantasy dreams centered on the milk sacks, slick sinhole, or elongated flesh snake of another person and the overwhelming desire to partake in fornication with that person’s sexual organs. The sinful occasion of pornographic media is the largest house of fantasy which triggers envious sinful thoughts leading to self rape.

pride is the sinful feeling that ones’ self is essentially better than others. During masturbation, one is frequently proud of his own penis shape, length, or volume of ejaculate spewed forth. Females are thrilled at the vibrating feelings of ecstatic warmth and moisture inside her vagina generated with hands or inserted objects. Self love, or the love of one’s self, is the very definition of masturbation and the sin of pride.

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Final Disclaimer: The findings of the above study, as previously mentioned, are underwritten by B.L.U.F.F. and The Foundation For a Better Tomorrow. It is not the purpose of this study to cast blame or judgement on any one person, group, or misguided faith that purports to condone self rape as a healthy lifestyle choice. It is only through a presentation of FaithFacts and the proven science thereof that warns of the absolute and final destination of that of a masturbation sinner without the gift of repentance and a spiritual (re)awakening provided by Brother Lonnie and the Stop Masturbation Now! Ministries.

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Cassidy Pen
About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
Contact: Website

22 Comments on Masturbation: Offensive Across All Seven Deadly Sins

  1. Thank you for this informative, faithfactually accurate write-up, Brother Cassidy. It's a stark reminder to masturbators of all creeds that they are being watched. Their filthy actions are being judged. The Lord, with His mercy and grace, will cast all self-rapists into the pits of Hell for the remainder of eternity. Hopefully your article will reach those out there who need to hear it most.

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  2. Boring! I quit reading it after the first paragraph. Don't you guys know anything?

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  3. Why don't you guys do your own business and keep your religion for yourself?

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  4. Man I can't wait to cum, or ejaculate as y'all say, so hard from jerking off. Did you know that studies from ivy league schools show that masturbation is more effective in relaxation, concentration, headache relief, etc., than anything?

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  5. Y'ALL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE ARE SOME DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS. IMA RUB MY PUSSY WHEN, WHERE, AND HOW I WANT. ITS MY BODY. I HONESTLY DO HOPE THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE.

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  6. First there can be no scientific study because God is not thought of as the same as all so your "studies" are a load of shit. So in conclusion I'll be fine in hell as long as people like you aren't there with me. #masturbationforever

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