Joe Harris, like many other residents of Safford, has been struggling for years to keep his business afloat during the Obama administration. What he needed, he always felt, was a mascot for his restaurant to set him apart from all the others. He never thought, however, that dream would become a reality thanks to the careless actions of feminist lesbians.
Walking through the streets of Safford after the protest this weekend, Joe saw something strange among the discarded signs and tampons littering the streets.
Unsure as to what he was seeing, he stepped closer for a better look – and discovered what could possibly be the turning point for his failing restaurant business.
“Honestly, I never thought that I would find a costume like this – especially from a lesbian rally. I don’t even know what the protest was about, to be honest, but I sure would like to thank the sinner that left this roast beef costume behind.”
On Monday, Joe revealed his costume at his daughter’s birthday party, and was overjoyed at the reaction that he received. “Many of the girls just laughed the whole time, and it gave me time to talk to them about my restaurant and testify about our Lord, Jesus Christ. I’m thinking of making some punch cards for repeat kids who are visitors.
I’ve talked to the local nurse at the
elementary school, and she is excited to work with me on this project. Once a week, the kids will visit the nurses office and get certified that they haven’t masturbated. When they bring their sheet in signed by the nurse, they will receive one punch on the card. After 5 punches, they will receive a free lunch combo!”
Joe stated that, although it’s only been a few days, his business has increased over 500% since he started wearing the costume full time in house. “I can’t believe how many people want to take their pic with Ronnie the Roast Beef sandwich! This is truly a gift from God!”