Brother Lonnie Childs has been working closely with a handful of small hotels across the United States on a mission to make hotel rooms less enticing to the common masturbator. Brother Lonnie started small with lower budget hotels, the likes of which tend to attract small business travelers and touring musicians. “We chose the types of hotels we did, as years of research has shown that traveling salesmen and musicians are the most likely to engage in self-rape in their rooms,” explained Brother Reid Hatton. “Brother Lonnie hand-picked the specific hotels and cities and we reached out to them. We had very little resistance as these types of hotels typically have a ‘anything goes’ attitude.”
For the past few months, the operatives conducting the experiment reported back to Brother Lonnie that very few people were masturbating in the hotels. However, the true success of the program was not realized until rap music producer and DJ, “Blockhead” took to Twitter to report his findings.
“We knew we had something when Mr. Blockhead made that Tweeter,” said Brother Hatton. “A touring hiphopper DJ like him saying his hotel room made him not want to masturbate is a ground breaking thing. Brother Lonnie was also pleased that over thirty people added the Tweeter post to their ‘favorites’. The hope is that the experience in the hotel has completely cured Mr. Blockhead from ever masturbating again.”
Brother Hatton refused to go into details about the proprietary tactics that BLUFF operatives were using to create an atmosphere not conducive to masturbation. “Just know that we have the average normal’s best interests in mind,” added Brother Hatton.
In his post on Twitter, Blockhead only refers to the hotel as “shady”, which, thankfully doesn’t give away Brother Lonnie’s tactical advantage in making more hotels masturbation-free zones. Brother Hatton, speaking on behalf of the hotel conversion project, did confirm that the operation will expand to further hotels as 2015 progresses.
Fuck all of you.
Typical masturbator comment..
Who cares what anybody is doing in the privacy of their own room as long as they aren’t hurting anybody else. I mean come on people does anybody really care? Why not spend your time helping hungry or abused children, or just about anything else where there really is a problem and somebody really does need some help. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE find somebody that needs help and help them. Stop wasting your time on things that don’t matter and do something that will really make a difference in this world.
Randy, i’m glad some people on this site are actually sensible.
Room service, I need more tissues.
Someday you will be able to check into a hotel room with the knowledge that nobody has ever masturbated in there before . Praise!
I haven’t slept in a hotel in almost 15 years because filthy masturbaters have tainted every hotel in this country. I often spend restless nights in my car the few times I’m travelling on business
I must say…to people avoiding hotels because of ‘filthy masturbaters’, having to find other places to spend the night, making it so difficult for yourselves… Hahahahahaha!