Family Values

Save Masturbators From Hell This Halloween!

Today is Halloween and while most moral Christians will be hunkered down in their homes with their children, Bibles and guns clutched close, the secular world will send their children up to stranger’s doors begging for handouts like the Obama-Socialist zombies they are. This year, we fight back! As Christians, we are called upon by God to spread His Holy Word to the unsaved so we must look at this otherwise wicked day as an opportunity from On High! Like some kind of miracle, unsaved masturbators and their children are actually being delivered right to your doorstep!

This year, instead of turning the lights off and pretending you’re not home, print out this special coupon for 5% off the Anti-Masturbation Cross® and hand them out to the wicked unbelievers! When a costumed child comes up to your door and screams “Trick or Treat!” look them dead in their eyes and ask: “have you ever masturbated?”, then, before their parents can protest, slip this coupon into their little welfare-starter bag and slam the door. Praise!

cross 5

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A Smart Guy
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A Smart Guy

Awww, how stupid

Truffle
Member

Try not be so hard on yourself.

A Smart Guy
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A Smart Guy

Says the guy who thinks the moon is cheese

Science2
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Science2

I gonna rape you butthole until it looks like the pacific ocean.

gigaillustrator
Guest

Oddio che sito malato 😀

Remember kids, god once ordered people to kill babies.
Guest
Remember kids, god once ordered people to kill babies.

ROTFLOL. This while website has made me turn blue….with laughter.

Science2
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Science2

I UNDERSTAND!!!!!

John Fapper
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I’m masturbating to this post right now, now deal with it.

John Boner Fapper
Guest

I’m still masturbating to this.

YouPeopleSickenMe
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YouPeopleSickenMe

Asking children if they have ever masturbated and then giving them coupon for a disgusting device will only get you a visit from Child Protective Services and your name on the sex offender list.

Cassidy Pen
Member

Truly, Brother Lonnie is a man of God and His Way should be followed.

Science2
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Science2

Truly, Homo Lonnie is a man of brutal anal sex with cows and horses. And he likes it. MMMHHHHH!!!!!

Let Children be free
Guest
Let Children be free

I am christian but you can go fuck yourselfs! I am going to masturbate right now.

Surrender2Christ
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Surrender2Christ

Not much of a Christian with a foul mouth like that. If I didn’t believe soap to be part of some recent liberal/left-wing conspiracy, I would was your pie-hole out with a bar of one right now, young man.

Science2
Guest
Science2

I think the only thing that will solve the problem of your existence is to shove a .44 Magnum down your fucking throat.

Norfolk Perv
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Norfolk Perv

This ‘cross’ looks like a great bondage tool. Thanks for the awesome idea!!!

Don wallace
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Don wallace

Achiement unlocked: New level of stupidity discovered!

Science2
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Science2

I will make this page a target for community. Flame then down with bullshit until it wont work anymore! Spread my message! CAUSE I`M YOUR GOD NOW! and i want you to pray for my big and tasty love-stick!