You are cordially invited, that’s right, the entire Internet is invited, to celebrate the Holy Matrimony of my Brother Myron Danus to his Lonnie-approved, Same Race Assigned Spouse, Paula Austin, on Friday December 12th at 6pm.
The wedding ceremony itself will be a private function for family and friends at the B.L.U.F.F. compound in Safford, AZ at an undisclosed time, in order to limit the paparazzi, but you are all still invited to the reception at Senator August Weisz’s home in Sandpoint, ID, provided you are of Normal skin or are Lonnie-approved whitewashed. Dress-code will be strictly enforced. No saggy pants, ball caps, Hijabs, or Reggae clothing allowed.
The main goal of this wedding is to save Paula Austin from her life of drug-abuse and self-rape, so my brother, Myron, needs the full support of the Interweb community, because she has been addicted to drugs and masturbation since she was 7 years old. Myron and Lonnie have their work cut out for them with this lesser-gendered type, but all things are possible through Lonnie’s golden shower of love. Lonnie Child’s will be officiating the ceremony. Deacon Riley Lucas will be giving Paula away to Myron. Julian Taylor, Matthew Perkins and Liam McKey will be Myron’s Groomsmen. Tina Black, Polly Gamus, Cathy Redmond and Truffle will be Paula’s Bridesmaids. Musical entertainment will be provided by Matty B Raps
and additional music will be provided by David Hasselhoff.
The finale will be Peter Cetera though, Paula loves him.
I hope to see you all at this once in a lifetime event. Let’s make it the biggest wedding reception in history. If you wish to attend, RSVP in the comments section, and you will receive an email with the address and a travel and hotel voucher for 30% off your tickets and accommodations. Thank you in advance for joining us in this celebration, and there will be a full write up of the wedding and reception for those who can not attend. God bless most of you.