Youth Caught Self Raping

The Disturbing Saga of the Pridemore Family

The Pridemore Family, during happier times.

When Dana Pridemore of Evanston, IL climbed the stairs of her family’s two-story suburban home to  retire for the evening, all she had on her mind was her Harper’s Magazine and a few segments of the Tonight Show before turning in.

She visited her daughter Sarah, who at the tender age of eleven, had never failed the SMN Finger Sniff. Tonight was no different. Sarah’s fingers were clean and fresh smelling. There were no signs of vaginal syrup or pungent odor to indicate masturbation. The welcome glow of happy relief that her daughter is free of self-rape sin was evident in Dana’s purposeful stride.

It was when Mrs. Pridemore walked into her fourteen year-old son Jason’s room that the horrible events that almost destroyed the Pridemore family occurred.

Usually, it is Mr. Hank Pridemore who sniffed Jason’s fingers and hand for the almond smell of seminal ejaculate indicating young male self-rape. This night was no different. As a loving father and family man, Mr. Pridemore took his duty to perform the SMN Finger Sniff on Jason very seriously. He is prideful in his efforts to ensure the eternal salvation of his family.

After Dana left her daughter’s room to join her husband before slumber, she remembered that a few of Jason’s white socks were missing from that day’s laundry. She thought she would pay young Jason a visit. He had a habit of carelessly flinging his socks and underwear around the room as typical of young boys at his age with a paper route and team sport activities. Dana thought she would look for the mismatched socks and remind Jason to cease his careless activity if he was still awake.

What she would discover was infinitely worse…

As she entered Jason’s dark room, she heard his wide awake body immediately cover and roll away from the light. She also caught a glimpse of her son’s gleaming eyes from the mirror as they reflected in the same light. He seemed to have his arms pinned to his sides.

With that odd behavior, Dana Pridemore flipped on the bedroom lights and advanced to investigate. She pulled down her son’s blankets to reveal the most shocking scene of her life. Young Jason was curled up in a defensive fetal position holding on to his turgid and recently stroked penis. With a semen encrusted sock next to his crotch area, it clicked. Jason was self raping.

Dana’s guttural cry shook the household, waking young Sarah and causing Hank to come sprinting into the room.

Both Hank and Dana Pridemore gasped at the reality of the situation they witnessed. Hank’s initial reaction was that of physical retaliation to drive the self-rape demons from his son. He held back from an open handed strike to his son’s face when he noticed his wife in tears, holding her face in her hands. Hank ordered Sarah back to her room and immediately contacted the SMN Family Services Hotline to explain the dire circumstances of his family’s dilemma.

It is in a situation like this that Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts can do the most good. There are facilities that offer counseling and self-rape aversion therapy on the campus. With the high standing of the Pridemore family, their plight was forefront to the B.L.U.F.F. staff.

Today, the Pridemore family has much healing to do. Their faith has been dealt a serious blow by the self-rape demons that patrol the earth and look to infect lessor minds. They are receiving the care needed to eliminate this shameful event from their lives and repair the dignity of their household as a God-loving normal family in the service of Christ and Lonnie. Please join with us in prayer and well wishes to the Pridemore Family and all others that are on the road to repairing lives shattered by self-rape.

About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
Contact: Website

64 Comments on Youth Caught Self Raping

      • I just stumble upon this because of the anti-masturbation cross(funny as fuck) and well this is fucking hilarious, I hope you are right about this shit not being real.

    • Masturbation is a normal thing, dumbasses.
      If that’s self-rape, then what is sex? Normal rape no matter what?
      God you idiots bring a horrible name to Chirstians.

      Go fuck yourselves,

  1. Pray here. Let me get this straight… This is a website for fucked up retarded Christian people right? This website is for the retarded. Kill the Christians and hail Satan. That’s what I think. I’ll “Self-Rape” all over this fucking website.

  2. You masturbators appear out of the brush like slithering snakes to harass and denigrate the holy works done at the SMN Ministries. You trolls are all invited to close your browsers this instant and erase any cookie track on your workstation. It’s eather that or deal with harsher and more deliberate counter measurest

  3. I’m just gonna smoke my weed and be happy now. Smoking isn’t a sin after all. God made it himself. It’s from nature itself.

  4. I hope you offer Satan some weed when he is poking your brown sin cave deep in the bowels of triple hell!

  5. Nah I’ll save that for my marriage if my wife would be cool with that. But thanks anyway. You need to hit this blunt nigga and chill.

  6. Silly masturbator injecting marajuanna is the gate way drug to many chronic masturbation illnesses such as homogayism and triple aids. Praying AT you.

  7. Ok, so this is a satire website, I think. I’m not to sure.
    But that is not the ‘pridemoore’ family. I stole the same photo off Google images when I had to search for family for a project.

  8. Oh I just LOVE the feeling of masturbation, I cum all over my hand and just throw it away on a tissue. It’s certainly the best feeling in the world, just thinking of it now gives me a rock hard boner.

  9. Oh you poor masturbator your chronic self raping habits have left you with triple aids. We CAN help you through this holy netsite.

  10. Praise Brother Cassidy! I would have held the child down myself and spanked him if I had caught him self raping. I am glad his father called the hotline and the child is now in the custody of trained psychologists.

    • Christianity: where a natural pleasure is a satanic worship but repeatedly smacking the butthole of a kid is just a learning experience.

  11. So how yall feeling about gay marriage being legal? I For one think its a blessing. Ignorance has no color. Except maybe for all of the degenerate fucks that run this website.

    • Wow, first of all masterbation is 100% normal and okay. You are all fucked up in the head. I’d rather my kids masterbate then go out and fuck instead. Self rape? Oh god. This website MUST be run by some fucked up bible thomping dumb asses that have NO grasp on real fucking life. You are all pathetic and seriously need some use of psychs yourselves. What kind of HORIIBLE parent would hit there child for masterbation. You should have your children removed from your home. They would be better off with CPS then with fucked up parents like you. Your the ones going to hell. NOT a NORMAL teenager that is masterbating. You will ALL burn in hell. Your fucking all jokes that have no life, and can’t handle real life. Oh you guys will LOVE this, I’m gay too! Haha let’s see what u have to say about that!

      • I have a word from the Lord for you, my sinner friend. Beat your kids, not your meat!

  12. I want to rub her clit and french kiss her sin cave. Then i want to have a good old fashioned circle jerk with lonnie childs, brother cassidy, jasper centaur and the rest of the boys. We could stroke each other’s sin sticks and let cathy REDMOUND clean up all the man milk. Then truffle could revive our sin sticks and we could do some rump rangling…


  13. I was too busy firing off some knuckle children on the old sin stick and i forgot to sign in. But i want credit for the comment i made above…fap fap fap


  14. How traumatized that poor Christian mother must be, to find her son letting Satan into his body, through the heinous act of homo-ing off! I pray they send that young man to a long stretch in Christian boot camp. There, surrounded by the Word of God and by rough, aggressive Christian men, he may learn of manly things, to keep his hand on a gun, not his baby maker!


    • Mike, is it gay if we touch each other’s sin stick? I don’t think so. Please rub mine and I’ll rub yours and we can practice firing our guns at each other’s mouths.


      • As long as it’s done in a manly way, as pleases our conservative Lord.

  15. So does that mean you are going to rub my sin stick for me? Hang on let me get my tweezers and I’ll rub yours too. This is going to be hot!!!

  16. O my god This site is prolly the funniest thing ever I can’t decide weather it’s a satire site or real ether way I’m intertained

  17. I masturbated today after resisting more than 3 months- please pray I get rid of this deadly sin- I’m feeling really guilty, and think I may have a sex demon lurking in my penis and mind, I get horrible lust full dreams, one where I sucked a boy’s penis at my martial arts class, another where I tugged on my weiner for more than 14 hours 40 minutes, it was so frightening and I felt so horny in the dream, all this and porn eventually made me break my streak, oh and a sex demon possessed me, made my penis press in my blanket and I ejaculated straight away- please help me brother, I feel so depressed every time I fail, I feel so guilty and promise God I’ll never do it again- and to make matters worse I have balanitis, which makes my penis head extremely sensitive and red, right on the foreskin flap and helmet, which caused fatality today, when I woke up I just rubbed it over my briefs, and built up an earth shattering orgasm and ejaculated, after I finished I immediately felt so guilty and took a shower afterwards, I felt like bleaching my penis to get rid of those intense pleasurable sensations of the tip of the penis, as that’s what normally causes the masturbation, not the size itself- I was in tears today, still am, praying to God to forgive me, I really want to quit this habit forever, terrible images, thoughts of the past also comes to haunt me, making it a million times more difficult to control.

  18. I once overheard my junior high aged son refer to his privates as a “yogurt launcher” – by then I knew it was too late and disowned him from the family. Last I heard he was self raping down south somewhere.

    • To the pridemore family father : you got raped and your a rapist
      To the pridemore family mother: you got raped and your a rapist
      To the pridemore family daughter: I feel so bad for you your parents are infecting your mind with the lie that masturbation is a horrible thing when that’s not the case. Practicing safe-sex is way better than getting HIV or AIDS or pregnancy in some cases. Don’t raise your child into this lie
      To the pridemore family. Brother: You go boy !!!! Tug away 🙂

      • Seriously.. Is this a joke? This Cassidy Pen dude must be the biggest wanker here..

        He must be jealous for some reason. Maybe born without a dick? Ore am I going for a joke here?

        Someone must have a seriously damaged mind to come up with all these false stories..

        But if this is no joke. I hope he is alone. If someone are following this insane way of thinking.. I feel sorry for them..

        Now me and my wife are going to se some porn and masturbate for etch other..

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