How Female Masturbation Affects the Female Body

A woman’s health is a priority to roughly half of the human population. It’s where babies are made and it’s also where they come from. For a man, making sure his same-race wife’s vagina is in proper working order is no different than taking care of his tools. For the lesser-gender, having a ship-shape vagina is a source of pride, while having a loose and smelly one is a source of shame.

Many of our readers have asked about the physical toll that female masturbation can have on their body. Unfortunately, the news isn’t good.

B.L.U.F.F. University scientist have conducted a study on the effects that female masturbation has on a woman’s vagina, thanks to a generous grant from the United States Health Department. During this study, we looked at both “foreign body insertion masturbation” and “outside the sin-cave masturbation.”

The main effect of foreign body insertion masturbation resulted in the dilation of a woman’s female orifice, resulting in the inability for said woman to be assigned to a proper same-race husband. A secondary result was damage to the baby making areas of the female body. For those who use an insertion device that incorporates movement (vibrators) a third result is a heavier than usual menstrual cycle.

The main effect of outside the sin-cave masturbation, mirrors the effects of the mechanical insertion device. Our faith scientists concluded that the rubbing, buzzing and vibrating movements associated with mechanical inserts and over the sin-cave masturbation methods actually shake-loose the woman’s uterus and causes irregular and heavy-flow menstrual cycles. The result of this means more time for the ladies in the menstrual hut and less time in the kitchen, bedroom and gathering hall.

If you ever catch a woman in your charge masturbating, or if you suspect that a woman in your charge has been masturbating, we suggest you take emergency action and follow these steps:

  1. Ice-down her lady-area
  2. Either convince the woman to hold her breath or obstruct her airway in 30 second increments.
  3. Administer a spanking. This will help reverse the dilation that occurred previously.
  4. Consult with an exorcist.
About Liam McKey 44 Articles
Liam McKey is a former combat veteran and owner of the only Vegan-Certified ranch in the United States. He has two normal teenage children with his same-race wife. Liam is active in the community of Safford, Arizona where he lives. Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction and has many degrees from various non-accredited faith-based colleges.
Contact: Website

21 Comments on How Female Masturbation Affects the Female Body

  1. This has to be some of the most sexist MRA tripe have I have ever read in my life.

    I would have to agree with your objection to race mixing, though.

    A straight white male having sexual relations with a wombyn of color is guilty of two things: 1. Rape (since no heterosexual sex can be consensual) and 2. Cultural Appropriation (no straight white man should be allowed inside a POCs safe space, let alone her vagina).

  2. “We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet,”- Stephen Hawking

  3. Fresh from Moscow
    Over Volga came to comrades aid
    City in despair
    Almost crushed by the führers army
    Oh it’s colder than hell
    Hitlers forces advancing
    The sound of mortars
    The music of death
    A grand symphony
    See your friends fall hear them
    Pray to the god your country denies
    Every man dies alone and when your
    Time comes you will know that it’s time
    Stalins fortress on fire
    Is this madness or hell
    The sound of the mortars
    The music of death
    We’re playing the devils symphony
    Our violins are guns
    Conducted from hell
    Oh Stalingrad
    Are you playing
    Do you follow the conductors lead
    No one knows you
    No one cares about a single violin
    Play the score of the damned
    Know the devil within
    The sound of the mortars
    The music of death
    We’re playing the devils symphony
    Our violins are guns
    Conducted from hell

  4. as a female masturbator i cant tell you know that obstructing the airways and spanking is just going to be counter-productive to your cause.

  5. as a female masturbator i can tell you now that obstructing the airways and spanking is just going to be counter-productive to your cause.

    • Yes. Self rape is Satan’s work but lucky us B.L.U.F.F. helps us, not only to identify the evil one’s plans to doom normal children of God, but to find real cures and solutions to get every normal one back on track to our Lord’s heaven.

  6. Did you ever think that maybe that’s why your so angry? Cause sweet heart not enjoying the pleasures that one can give you or that you can give yourself is plain stupid. You are promoting woman abuse so #1 that makes you a pos #2 the reason your doing this is because your more than likely an inbred racist who throws a bible at anything that scares them. God cares about the big things in life not whether or not the people who claim to honor and serve him shame others for being themselves. Get a life!

  7. Wtf is all this shit. That’s all it is, Bullshit. You all need to wake up and get your head out of your ass.

  8. lol, I feel like I just found a gem of a site. There is absolutely no possible way these articles could be real. This is obvious satire, but holy cow is it nailing it. I’ve heard similar talk with people denying evolution. ?

  9. We want to rant about how women masturbating is dangerous and “self-rape”, but allow men to “ice-down” their “lady-area”, spank, or touch them without permission? Husband or not, that is not okay by any means. A woman has rights to her own body, and no one should be allowed to touch her without permission.

    Us, as women, are perfectly capable of maintaining our own health and well-being. In fact, it’s a known phenomenon that human females *typically*, on average, live longer than males. (SOURCE: )

    It is not a man’s job to determine if our vaginas are in “working order”. It is our jobs to take care of ourselves, and it is our duty to make sure we are healthy.

    Plus, obstructing someone’s airway? That can lead to accidental murder- and murder is a sin.

    So, before going off and instructing people how to live their lives or respond to these particular situations, consider implementing more research and time into these articles. I’m a sophomore in high school, and I still know how to cite sources.

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