(StopMasturbationNOW)—Our Leader Lonne Childs, through the act of fapstinence, has the ability to see into future events. One of the largest events of this decade is the Scottish vote for independence. The United Kingdom is looked up to by most countries as the Worlds grandparent. Because of this UK news is the worlds news. Unfortunately if Scotland leaves things will not go as planned and could have dire consequences for the international community.
1. Scotland will be denied entrance into the EU after other member nations don’t want to appear to reward Scotland and thereby encourage separatists inside their own country.
2. The only successful legal challenges to independence come via the Shetland and Orkney Islands. Instead they and their oil maintain as part of the union. Polls show over 40 percent of people that voted for independence now regret their vote due to financial concerns over missing oil.
3. The UK does not allow Scotland to share the Sterling Pound. Scottish internet trolls lead by Hayles Kittler conspire to successfully adopt the Peso in a national referendum on currency. Susan Boyle is put on the 5000peso coin.
4. A poor economy causes Scotland to loosen moral laws in order to create new streams of revenue. Scotland becomes the world’s largest masturbation tourist destination.
5. Scotland overflows with semen and has to be quarantined by the international community. Over 30,000 chinamen are killed during the construction of the new great wall.
For a more detailed look into Scottish independence please see If Scotland Were Independent: A Timeline of Tragedy.