Bananas: Satan’s Fruit

Terrible Fruit Aimed at Innocent Children

Clearly, I mean, really (vomits)


banana rapist

Throughout nature, we at B.L.U.F.F and The Foundation For A Better Tomorrow have found a plethora of disgusting natural objects that codify self-rape, but perhaps none is so blatantly obviously created to be a foul dingus as that demonic penis-resembling fruit: the banana.


Here we see Mexicans harvesting bananas, which will fund ISIS, surely
Here we see Mexicans harvesting bananas, which will fund ISIS, surely

The agenda of this yellow phallus shaped succulent fruit is unclear. Try as though we might, we have yet to be able to get the bananas to admit to anything intelligible.

But what is crystal clear, is that bananas resemble gigantic penises, and are grown in South Mexico and Greater Asian Micronesian Ornament, by depraved non-normal and primitive Mexicans and Communist Ornamentals, both species of which have been shown to pose contagious masturbation dangers to law abiding Normals.

Here Communists harvest bananas, and use the profits to fund ISIS, surely.
Here Communists harvest bananas, and use the profits to fund ISIS, surely.


Clearly, I mean, really (vomits)
Clearly, I mean, really (vomits)

It is very obvious, I mean, c’mon, just take a gander. A banana could not look anymore like a penis, right down to the pointy tip and heinous brown spots. Clearly this is a self-rape trigger, and should be avoided, possibly quelled, as it looks just like a penis. Looking like a penis, as bananas certainly do, is just disgusting, and will cause sin, inviting Satan right into our homes, so we can fall, right into his trap! The deviousness!


Won't somebody please, think of the children?!
Won’t somebody please, think of the children?!

Bananas, championed by “mainstream medicine” as healthy snack, are often offered to school children, public school children, no less, who our tax dollars pay to feed, and are often non-Normal. This disgusting, non-segregated, cuisine and diet plan, only ensures degradation of the already highly diluted Normals culture, and way of life, already in decline in theses dark days of the pre-Coming of The Apocalypse.

Encouraging young Normals, and larval non-Normals, to engage in simulated acts of oral sex, with a Satanic fruit, that may cause self-rape triggering, is just too much, and frankly, is an outrage!

Thanks Obama! (sarcasm)


Bananas need to be removed from the public, and public schools now! If bananas aren’t banned, then we all might as well be gullible whores for Satan, with big “Vacancy” signs over the metaphorical, prolapsed, anuses of our souls!


About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

19 Comments on Bananas: Satan’s Fruit

  1. Even worse than the banana is the macho plantain.
    In south america it is known as the penis fruit.

  2. Banana peels are also very dangerous. There are reports of young men warming it up in their microwaves and then putting it in between the cushions of their sofas to simulate vaginal skin. I believe they call it “banana peel fapping”. While I think this is a bit better than homos sticking bananas up their anuses, why don’t they just get a Christian housewife like a normal man? I don’t even have to ask my wife permission when I want to have sex with her.

  3. Did I catch a masterbater? ou’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    You and the stranger both like roleplay.

    You: Hi

    Stranger: dude here

    You: 23 F Russia

    Stranger: oh hi! Lou here, 29

    You: Nice

    Stranger: what,s your name, love?

    You: Eriska

    Stranger: Sexy!

    You: Thank you

    You: This is me by the way

    Stranger: oh thank you I was gonna ask, just a sec

    Stranger: wow, you’re really pretty

    You: Thank you

    Stranger: i’ll send you one…what do you want to see?

    You: I don’t really care to see a picture

    Stranger: oh ok

    Stranger: I’m 6′, short blondish hair, blue-green eyes, slim, somewhat athletic, facial hair…anything else?

    You: Well, if you want to do a sexual roleplay, I have a scenario prepared.

    Stranger: 🙂

    Stranger: yeah go ahead!

    You: I wake up one morning and find myself extremely horny. I hadn’t been fucked in a while and I decide to do something about it. I drive to a public area and lay down a mat. I place a sign that says ” Free fuck!” near me, hide my clothes, and I lay naked on the mat like I lay in this picture. ( Also, your starting role is as a mean cop. (Be very mean, rough, and have the “I’m getting what I want” mentality for the character)

    Stranger: haha ok!

    Stranger: (you’re fucking hot by the way)

    You: (Thank you)

    Stranger: I am doing my run on the public beach. A few people here and there, nothing much going on, just beating a kid who was smoking pot. Then I see that girl. Naked with a sign saying ”Fuck me”

    Stranger: I walk to her ”Is that some sort of joke, citizen?”

    You: “No it isn’t, officer.” I reply

    Stranger: ”And you think I’ll let you do that on my beach?”

    You: “How is it your beach?”

    Stranger: ”Cause that’s the way it is” An erection gorws in my pants as I look at you ”So you want to be fucked, is that right?”

    You: “Yes” I reply

    Stranger: ”Well you’ll be fucked alright” I get on my knees and make you turn on your stomache

    You: “Good”

    Stranger: I slap your ass real hard and bring two fingers in your sandy pussy

    You: My back arches in pain. (I don’t have any sand on me as I was laying on a mat.)

    Stranger: (oh yeah sorry)

    Stranger: (who took that picture by the way?)

    You: (My boyfriend)

    Stranger: (cool)

    Stranger: I finger fuck your pussy, some people walking and wondering what’s going on

    Stranger: I slide a third finger in, grabbing your hair with the other one ”You like that, you lil scum?”

    You: “Um, yes.” I say not pleased with being called names.

    You: (As note, I don’t orgasm in my roleplays)

    Stranger: (I do)

    You: (As is expected of you)

    Stranger: (do you masturbate though?)

    You: (Yes)

    Stranger: (nice)

    Stranger: I let go of your pussy and unzip my pants, taking my cock out of them. ”Give that a taste!”

    You: “What do you mean?” I ask as I continue to lay on my stomach

    Stranger: I Kneel in front of you and grab your hair to lift your head to my cock ”Suck it!”

    You: “But I don’t want to!” I say as I turn my head.

    Stranger: I reach a han to your boobs and squeeze a nipple really hard ”But you will!”

    Stranger: hand*

    You: “Ow! Ow! Okay!” I say in response.

    Stranger: ”And make it sexy!” I say, loosening my grip on your hair and tit

    You: I start to suck your dick.

    Stranger: I moan quietly, undoing my cop shirt as I’m getting really hot

    Stranger: (you don’t care to see it?)

    You: (No)

    Stranger: (kay, if you have any other sexy pic, feel free…)


    Stranger: I make your head move, pushing my cock deep in your mouth

    Stranger: (oh yeah!)

    Stranger: ”Make yourself wet and ready for my cock!”

    You: I reach back and rub my pussy

    Stranger: ”faster!”

    You: I suck your dick faster.

    Stranger: ‘,Do I make you wet?”

    You: “Sucking dick isn’t a turn-on.” I reply

    Stranger: ”You don’t diserve a turn on. Hands on that tree, now!” i say pushing you

    You: I get up and stand against the tree with my hands on it.

    Stranger: (When you said that cop is my starting role, did you mean you wanted mor people to get in?)

    You: (I meant that when the cop is done with me, you can choose a new role. Just make sure that it follows the same rules.

    You: )

    Stranger: I stand behind you, my pants to my knees. I spread your legs with my baton and bring the head of my cock to your clit

    You: I push back to press your dick into me.

    Stranger: I push myself into you, grabbing your neck real hard as i do

    You: “Take your hands off my neck!” I yell

    Stranger: I push all 7 inches all at once in your tight pussy ”You shut up!” I only grab the back part of your neck, taking a frim grip

    Stranger: firm

    You: “Erm, okay?” I say nervously.

    Stranger: ”You only speak to tell me how my much you love my cock” I say starting to fuck your pussy real hard

    You: “Yes sir.” I say quietly

    Stranger: I let my hands run on your body, roughly and careless ”You’re one hot pieces of ass”

    Stranger: piece*

    You: “Thank you, officer”

    Stranger: I slap your ass real hard ”So how do you that?” I fuck faster

    Stranger: how do you like that?*

    You: “Not much” I say as I rub the sore spot.

    Stranger: ”Well that’s what you get for fucking around on my beach” I fuck faster and pull off, jerking a few times to cum on your ass

    Stranger: I was walking on the beach, enjoy the heat of the day when I saw something incredible. A cop cuming on a nude girls ass

    You: (Continue)

    Stranger: The cop gives the girl a baton hit on her side, before he leaves her there screaming ”And don’t I see you again on my beach…”

    Stranger: I run to her and kneel to her ”Hey are you okay?”

    You: “Yes, who are you?”

    Stranger: I’m wearing a bathing suit, my hair messed up ”Just a dude walking on the beach…?”

    Stranger: ”Did he rape you?”

    You: “No

    You: ”

    Stranger: I see the sign ”What’s going on?” I say looking at your naked body, a bit nervous

    You: “What does it looks like?” (Remember the mean and roughness rules.)

    Stranger: (oh that was a rule…ok)

    Stranger: (did you like the last fuck?)

    You: (Yes)

    Stranger: (did you make yourself cum?)

    You: (Yes)

    Stranger: (I did too…hey you’re hot, d’you have yahoo messenger?)

    You: I have a gmail. Can we keep going with this roleplay?)

    Stranger: (yeah, it’s just that i,ll have to go soon…and I want you later…we’ll do my scenario)

    Stranger: As I understand what,s going on, I look at your breasts. I smile. I bring your hand on my dick that,s still soft

    You: I start to jack it off.

    Stranger: I take off my bathing suit, my dick growing in your hand

    You: (Continue)

    Stranger: I slap your face ”You like that?”

    You: “Ow!” I rub my face in shock and ask, “What was that for?!”

    Stranger: I grab your ass and make you lay on your back

    Stranger: ”Just for fun!”

    You: “Wasn’t very fun on my end.” I say.


    Stranger: I slap you again, not so hard, bringing my dick on your clitoris as you keep jacking it ”was on mine”

    You: I glare at you.

    Stranger: (you just made me hard again)

    Stranger: I rub my dick on your wet clit

    Stranger: close to cuming

    Stranger: I push it inside once and come back to your clit

    Stranger: I pinch your nipple

    You: “Don’t tease me.” I command

    Stranger: I slap you again ”I’ll fuck you the way I want”

    Stranger: I push it back inside giving you a few thrusts

    You: I moan softly

    Stranger: I pinch your nipple harder, puling on it

    You: My face has an expression of extreme displeasure on it.

    Stranger: I pull my cock out and slap it a few times on your wet clit

    Stranger: ”You want it in the ass, don’t you?”

    You: “No, God no” I reply

    Stranger: I slide my wet cock down and spread your butt

    You: I kick you off of me.

    Stranger: I grab your legs and and make you spread again ”Don’t make it harder on yourself

    Stranger: (fuck I really got to go, can we share email?)

    You: (You’ll have to have some authority to fuck my ass)

    You: (

    Stranger: okay, and a last pic before I go?

    Stranger: REDACTED


    Stranger: (nice!)

    Stranger: I bring my hard cock back in your pussy and fuck you hard

    You: “Good boy” I say

    Stranger: ”D’you want my sperm in you or on you?”

    You: “On”

    Stranger: I fuck you faster, slapping your ass here and there

    Stranger: ”ah”

    Stranger: ”Fuck yeah” My cock starts pumping in your wet pussy

    You: I relax and start to moan

    Stranger: I control myself as I hear you moan. I grunt loudly not to cum

    You: (Continue)

    Stranger: I fuck faster and faster, feeling your drip on my balls

    Stranger: I bring my hand on your clit, rubbing it hard

    Stranger: ”Ah, fuck!”

    Stranger: My cock starts pumping again

    Stranger: My body crisps

    You: “Are you alright?” I ask

    You: (Be right back)

    Stranger: I push a last time in the bottom of your pussy

    Stranger: then pull out, sperm coming out of my cock

    Stranger: landing on your pale skin

    Stranger: some of it lands on your face

    Stranger: (really got to go!)

    Stranger: please right me when you’re online…tomorrow around the same time or a bit later I should be on, I have a 8 hours bus ride to do, maybe you can entertain me

    Stranger: (bye)

    You: (Okay)

    Beams of fire sweep through my head
    Thrusts of pain increasingly engaged
    Sensory receptors succumb
    I am no one now only agony

    My crimson liquid so frantically spilled
    the ruby fluid of life unleashed

    Ripples ascend to the surface of my eyes
    Their red pens drawing at random, at will
    A myriad pains begotten in their wake
    the bastard spawn of a mutinous self

    The regurgitation of my micro nemesis
    salivating red at the prospect of my ruin, my doom

    Malfunction the means for its ascent
    Bloodletting the stringent voice to beckon my soul
    So futile any resisting tension
    As death-induced mechanics propel its growth

    The implement, the device of my extinction
    the terminating clockwork of my gleeful bane
    The definitive scourge of its mockery
    the end-art instruments lethality attained

    Heed – it commands, heed my will
    Bleed – it says, bleed you will

    Falling into the clarity of undoing
    Scornful gods haggle for my soul
    Minds eye flickers and vellicates as I let go
    Taunting whispers accompany my deletion

    A sneering grin, the voice of my reaper
    chanting softly the song of depletion

    • I’m fine with medicine. As long as it is not the devil’s weed (marijuana), it is fine with me. I have developed a particular fondness for Quaalude and Oxycontin. The good ole legal drugs like tea, coffee, tobacco and alcohol are also fine. As long as it is not that smelly green stuff the non-normals smoke.

  5. Speaking of bananas. I think in going to go suck on one while I shove another on up my but hole and rub my penis with a bandanna peel! I think I caught the masturbating fever!

  6. “Bananas to fund ISIS”
    Hahaha I’m dead guys?
    Please continue with stories like this; always guarantees a good laugh

    I masturbated once but don’t worry I repented myself by doing as the pastor told me; I now only self rape in front of pictures of our holy lord

  7. Guys, I’m pretty sure God created that fruit with the entire intention of benefiting us with natural sugars and potassium. Both necessary things for us to function in our every day lives. It’s the perverted people, such as yourselves, who take this thing on to a WHOLE other level because you can’t get your mind out of the gutter. I really, really hope that this entire site is a joke because half of this stuff is made up and actually gave me a really good laugh.

    Not only that, but the fact that you think that the Mexicans are selling bananas to raise money for ISIS is completely and totally racist and downright cruel. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’d be easier for the members of ISIS to get into heaven than it would be for you.

  8. I am lying in bed in a tender nightie and I am thinking about all the naughty things that others are afraid just to say. I am stroking my body by all fingers, I am changing rhythm and pressure. I love it! And then it comes – ecstasy and euphoria. And again and again. It’s the best feeling on the world and I will never stop doing it!!!! 😛
    Btw. I used everything around me – a bottle of coca cola, a cucumber and also a long hard BANANA which was – at the end – totally melted 😛

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