WEST PALM BEACH, FLA — (SMNNN) Just days after the unjustified removal of the Stop Masturbation Now Facebook netpage, a mysterious karmic retribution occurred as millions of international users of the netsite were unable to login and harass Lonvidians.
Users across the globe were met with an error message on Thursday when trying to access the increasingly archaic Facebook netsite. Needless to say, without direct access to the variety of unsavory netpages and netgroups on the netsite, millions of masturbators were forced to go elsewhere to express their masturage. The always vague Facebook just offered, “Sorry, something went wrong. We’re working on getting this fixed as soon as we can.”
Facebook refused our calls for comment, which was not surprising considering they clearly are a Big Masturbation controlled company.
There are several theories that are currently being bandied about on the world wide web as to the cause of this incident. One theory is that a “Childs Youth” chapter somewhere created this outage in response to the recent unjust removal of the Stop Masturbation Now Facebook netpage last week. Considering the recent uptick in “Childs Youth” activity across the globe this possibility cannot be ruled out. No group has claimed responsibility for the action as of press time, however.
Another widely posited theory is that the “outage” was in fact a test run of a larger power play by Lonnie Childs and His Stop Masturbation Now movement. It has long been rumored that there is a “Operation: Rapture” plan in place to immediately remove millions and millions of non-normals and masturbators from the Facebook netsite to help purify the “Posts By Others” sections of popular Holy netpages. Judging by the geographical regions affected by the “outage” and relatively short duration of this event; it could have also been such a test.
Regardless, Facebook received a ton of justifiable outrage due to this “outage”, which seems completely justifeed considering their continuous desire to persecute Lonvidians on their netsite.
Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.