Foreigners / Politics / World

Kim Jong-Un Angry At Seth Rogen For Filming Masturbation Snuff Film

PYONGYANG, DPRK — (SMNNN) In a surprising move today, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un took time out from recording music with Snoop Dogg, to declare a recent film by Seth Rogen as an “act of war against all who oppose masturbation”. Rogen’s new film stars himself and fellow liberal masturbator and pot addict, James Franco, as masturbators who are tasked with assassinating world leaders such as Kim Jong-un and Lonnie Childs.

The state-run KCNA news agency referred to Rogen as a “masturbator” and asked the United States government to step in and ban the film. The Big Masturbation infiltrated US Government issued no response and is unwilling to even discuss the controversy in any way.

An unofficial spokesman for the Stop Masturbation Now movement, Brother Marty Stone, said the following, “The act of making and screening such a movie that portrays an attack on our top leadership is a most wanton act of terror and act of war, and is absolutely intolerable.” Lonnie Childs was unavailable for comment as he is currently overseas at an anti-masturbation world summit meeting in Iceland.

Brother Leo Colon at Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts in Safford, Arizona also stated, “There is a special irony in this story line as it shows the desperation of Big Masturbation and masturbation culture in general.”

Previous leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-Il, before his death in 2011.

Previous leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-Il, before his death in 2011.

The North Koreans reluctantly offered support to Lonnie Childs and the Stop Masturbation Now movement; however BLUFF spokesman Colon said they are just assuming it was support. Since “no one here at BLUFF can speak that style of non-normal language. They could just be wanting to buy some surplus cat milk for all we know.”

The North Korean government has issued threats against other nations multiple times and never followed through with any of them. Especially since the death of their previous feared leader, Kim Jong-Il in 2011.

Lonvidians are most upset about the inclusion of our savior, Lonnie Childs, amongst such non-normal leaders as Kim Jong-Un and whichever non-normal is in control of Iraq this week. It just serves as further proof that Big Masturbation has dug their filthy talons even deeper into the U.S. Government and entertainment industry than previously thought.

Lonvidians can only hope this U.S. Government blessed “snuff film” gets buried by much more important documentary films set to release this October like “Paranormal Activity 5” and “Untitled New Line Horror Project.”


Cathy Redmond, reporting for StopMasturbationNow.org.

Cathy can be reached via her own netsite or on Facebook‘s netsite.

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Cassidy Pen
Member

Those pigs at Big Masturbation will stand at nothing to tar a great man like Lonnie by associating him with a communist thug. They’ve really reached a new low.

Abby
Guest
Abby

That’s Psy, a South Korean pop singer, not Kim Jong Un. Did you just google a picture of a Korean man and think it’s one of the biggest communist leaders of today? That alone is ignorant and racist. If you want to post bs like this on the internet, get your damn facts straight.

Mufasathegod
Guest

That’s not even Seth Rogan… That’s Jonah Hill

Carlos Alberto Teixeira
Guest

You guys invariablly cause me an asthma attack due to excessive laughter 🙂

Popilechat
Guest
Popilechat

Is this website a joke ? Because if it’s not my faith in humanity just take a hard punch in the face… So, two options, you are incredibly funny and I want to meet you all, or you are incredibly stupid and I want to be as far as possible from you.

Kiss from the strike country.

laughing at stupid people
Guest
laughing at stupid people

Theres no way the people who made this arent joking, and i find them hilarious

Henckus
Guest

That’s not even Kim Jong-Il, that’s some hussy!

Dwight Humbar
Guest
Dwight Humbar

This is outstanding. An outstanding atrocity to the pure of hand. Pray Hollywood will understand the weight of their sins!

IJerkOfEveryDay
Guest
IJerkOfEveryDay

thats literally jonah hill…..

sam pedro
Guest

love this site funny as fuck.

Cockboy666
Guest
Cockboy666

Dear Lord,
There’s going to be cum everywhere.

Cockboy666
Guest
Cockboy666

Lmfao that pic of Lil Kim doh

Troll warning
Guest
Troll warning

This is a troll site. Leave it.

Ash Stonem
Guest
Ash Stonem

Hahahaha. This…can’t be real. I mean, this whoooole website and organization just can’t be real.

Trouble Kid Steel
Guest

HAHAHAHA This is just as good as the Facebook page Christians against drugs…solid gold…this page is a testament to piss takers the world over god

PraiseTheSun
Guest
PraiseTheSun

You imbeciles not only messed up one picture, you messed up TWO. Thats Psy, a South Korean K-POP singer, and that is Jonah Hill, an American actor.

Ginger
Guest
Ginger

People are still taking this site seriously, I see. You would think you’d notice at this point that it’s not meant to be taken seriously.

Caroline
Guest

North Korea could be angry at Seth Rogans new movie… but it would be because the plotline of the Interview is about killing Kim Jong-Un. Honestly, the movie is hugely insulting to the North Korean people too, seeing how it paints them all as freaking brainwashed zombies. Not looking forward to that piece of ignorant trash.

Gwyn ;P
Guest
Gwyn ;P

The guy on the left is Psy, not Kim Jong-Un and the guy on the right is Jonah Hill

Chronic atheist masturbator
Guest
Chronic atheist masturbator

That’s PSY and Jonah Hill you dumb fucks