Lonnie Childs Meets with ISIS leaders

(StopMasturbationNOW)— Doctor Lonnie Childs, founder and leader of Stop Masturbation Now Industries, recently wrapped up an unprecedented 3 day conference with ISIS leaders. Hosted in Winnipeg Manitoba the “Winnipeg Summit” as it is now called focused on several topics including the price of oil, dangers of masturbation, and limiting the any future growth of ISIS to current Arabic countries.

                “The Great Prophet Doctor Childs went out of his way to ensure us that he has no objection to our existence as long as the price of Oil continues to fall and we do not masturbate. We gave him many assurances to both items” –Isis Spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani

Canada, a long-time supporter of ISIS and terrorism in general was chosen to host the conference as Canada provides the largest percentage of monetary support to the Islamic state (ISIS)


Dr Childs has been a longtime proponent of his #prayfor20 campaign in which he encourages all faithful to pray for oil to be $20 a barrel.

“America alone carries the burden to be the world moral and physical police force. This comes at an enormous financial cost. The people of our great country should not have to worry about the price at the pump or what their miles per gallon is”

Another interesting development of the summit is that ISIS has agreed to implement the American system of measurements instead of the metric system in all controlled territory according to SMN spokesman Tom Downey. “It was not something we had put on the agenda however it constantly remains a goal to eliminate the metric system, so this was a nice surprise”

4 Comments on Lonnie Childs Meets with ISIS leaders

  1. Wrong! We righteous non-masturbating God loving Canadians hate ISIS. They are the undercover masturbating heathens of all time! We kill ISIS scum! Praise!!!

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