B.L.U.F.F. library officially re-open, under great ceremony, last evening. The library, having been destroyed in a raging spontaneous fire that had nothing to do with any wizards whatsoever, has been newly renovated, and re-supplied to the fullest capacity.
The B.L.U.F.F library now contains every imaginable type of projectile weapon, and complete store of ammunition for all of them, calculated to allow a resistance force of 500 men to maintain a 175 day stand-off. The library was also awarded a brand-new Abrams M-1 fast-attack tank.
These and more upgrades, including 24″ thick Lexan ™ windows and a halon gas fire extinguishing system, are but a few of the massive improvements to the library’s formidable defensive properties, most of which B.L.U.F.F. refuses to disclose.
The library, unfortunately no longer contains any books or written materials, as the “peace weapons” require a massive amount of space. B.L.U.F.F students and residents are encouraged to withdraw up to seven peace weapons and full capacity of ammunition at a time.
The previous librarian, whose name escapes us, as she was an unworthy unchosen, and probable arsonist, will not be returning to the library. Instead, Brother Lonnie personally assigned Converted and Newly-Saved LGN (lesser gendered Normal) Shelly Thomas as Warden of The Library. Said Miss Thomas, ” @#$&%, I’m happy as $%^& to be the @^&%ing Warden! Yeah, I’ve read books and #$%^, but this @#%^ is like OFFICIAL as ^%$#! Thanks Brother Lonnie, I promise I will be the best !@#$%^@#$%ing Warden ever! @#$%ing Praise! “