B.L.U.F.F. Libary Re-Opens, Receives New Tank

Wizards cleared of all involvement.

Safford AZ-(SMNNN)

B.L.U.F.F. library officially re-open, under great ceremony, last evening. The library, having been destroyed in a raging spontaneous fire that had nothing to do with any wizards whatsoever, has been newly renovated, and re-supplied to the fullest capacity.

The B.L.U.F.F library now contains every imaginable type of projectile weapon, and complete store of ammunition for all of them, calculated to allow a resistance force of 500 men to maintain a 175 day stand-off. The library was also awarded a brand-new Abrams M-1 fast-attack tank.

These and more upgrades, including 24″ thick Lexan ™ windows and a halon gas fire extinguishing system, are but a few of the massive improvements to the library’s formidable defensive properties, most of which B.L.U.F.F. refuses to disclose.

The library, unfortunately no longer contains any books or written materials, as the “peace weapons” require a massive amount of space. B.L.U.F.F students and residents are encouraged to withdraw up to seven peace weapons and full capacity of ammunition at a time.

Miss Thomas, former trucker, and bootlegger, and now a Saved Lesser Gendered Normal, has been appointed the new Warden of the library.
Miss Thomas, former trucker, and bootlegger, and now a Saved Lesser Gendered Normal, has been appointed the new Warden of the library.

The previous librarian, whose name escapes us, as she was an unworthy unchosen, and probable arsonist, will not be returning to the library. Instead, Brother Lonnie personally assigned Converted and Newly-Saved LGN (lesser gendered Normal) Shelly Thomas as Warden of The Library.  Said Miss Thomas, ” @#$&%, I’m happy as $%^& to be the @^&%ing Warden! Yeah, I’ve read books and #$%^, but this @#%^ is like OFFICIAL as  ^%$#! Thanks Brother Lonnie, I promise I will be the best !@#$%^@#$%ing Warden ever! @#$%ing Praise! “

About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles
Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F's, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

10 Comments on B.L.U.F.F. Libary Re-Opens, Receives New Tank

    • Bless you, Brother Lonnie! Be sure to itemize it on the taxes; it qualifies as defencse the zombie apocalypse.

    • If we had a stronger president than Barack Obama, the library would have received a B2 bomber instead of a tank. Lonnie would look sharp taking tax-deductible business trips in a B2!

  1. Oh brother Lonnie I’m sorry it has been a few days. I humbly apologize for the disgusting things I say. I had the best weekend at campound stockade camp with sister Cathy and Fluffle… I was reprogrammed, and I now see the error of my ways! I prayed to Jesus that I may be forgiven for my trespasses against Normalskind. I beg the lords that I may be saved, and know the true love of Faith. Cathy, fluffle and I would pray that I was not condemned to Hells. Pray for my soul, Lonnie, for it appears I have forsaken it with my sins!. .. praise you Great Brother Lonnie!

  2. I didn’t care much for the old LIEbrary, but I am pleased it has re-opened and filled to the rafters with weapons.

    Praise!

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