Five Ways to Celebrate MLK Day

(StopMasturbationNow)—This weekend is Martin Luther King Jr day. A day to celebrate Michael King (his real and legal name). A lot of people think it is just a day off but really it is a day to celebrate the fact that racism is over and that black people are not slaves and can now drive, vote and slam dunk. But how do we celebrate this wonderful day? We don’t exchange gifts or shoot fireworks, so what should we do? Here are five things you can do to celebrate African Americans this MLK day.


Sleep in
One of the easiest ways to celebrate black culture would be to sleep in. Especially if it means you need to shun some responsibility.

Buy some ringtones
Blacks love ringtones, and who cares if all the other cultures know where to get them for free. Spend money on them. Also make sure to sign up for a recurring charge service, it doesn’t matter that’s a bill to worry about next month.

Have another child
Get some girl pregnant. It’s especially black if you get a girl pregnant that you have not already gotten pregnant before. Extra points if she already has kids and is overweight.

Things aren’t fair. You deserve to be angry because it’s not your fault and you deserve stuff! Go attend a march, then turn it into a riot. Then maybe grab some big tv’s or maybe a car stereo. Two wrongs make a right

Apply for welfare
Speaking of free stuff, you deserve the government to take things from harder working people so you don’t have to work hard. Who cares whether they worked really hard for what they have, you deserve some it, not just some of it, more of it. Most govt agencies have web applications that allow you to get free stuff even on holidays.


Happy Michael King Day! The one day we wish we were Canadian.


12 Comments on Five Ways to Celebrate MLK Day

  1. I recommend that you attend a service at The First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship.

  2. I tickled my nose, and now I found that I’m nosegay. Don’t let this happen to you. It’s not pretty. Never carry a handkerchief or tissue! It will be your downfall. Never touch your nose, and please, never even think of picking it.

  3. You racist fucks, my neighbor is black, he gets free ringtones, he is not on welfare, he doesn’t riot, he only has 1 kid because he PLANNED him. Oh yes, he only sleeps in on weekends, so seriously, stop. and that picture isn’t of Dr. King

    • As it says in the article, racism is over now. I can prove this too. Three days ago, I was shopping, and saw a Chinese from Japan buying fried chicken and grape soda, rather than wonton noodles and ramen, while at the same time, I saw a tribal type buying tortillas and beans. This proves that there is no more racism. All the sub-species of humans are eating each others food.

  4. This man is a hero to our society, you people need to get of your religious high horses and stop being racist.

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