(StopMasturbationNow)—This weekend is Martin Luther King Jr day. A day to celebrate Michael King (his real and legal name). A lot of people think it is just a day off but really it is a day to celebrate the fact that racism is over and that black people are not slaves and can now drive, vote and slam dunk. But how do we celebrate this wonderful day? We don’t exchange gifts or shoot fireworks, so what should we do? Here are five things you can do to celebrate African Americans this MLK day.
One of the easiest ways to celebrate black culture would be to sleep in. Especially if it means you need to shun some responsibility.
Buy some ringtones
Blacks love ringtones, and who cares if all the other cultures know where to get them for free. Spend money on them. Also make sure to sign up for a recurring charge service, it doesn’t matter that’s a bill to worry about next month.
Have another child
Get some girl pregnant. It’s especially black if you get a girl pregnant that you have not already gotten pregnant before. Extra points if she already has kids and is overweight.
Things aren’t fair. You deserve to be angry because it’s not your fault and you deserve stuff! Go attend a march, then turn it into a riot. Then maybe grab some big tv’s or maybe a car stereo. Two wrongs make a right
Apply for welfare
Speaking of free stuff, you deserve the government to take things from harder working people so you don’t have to work hard. Who cares whether they worked really hard for what they have, you deserve some it, not just some of it, more of it. Most govt agencies have web applications that allow you to get free stuff even on holidays.
Happy Michael King Day! The one day we wish we were Canadian.