Diogo Dias Cortérro
A Spirited man of a rock-solid Christian foundation, Diogo Dias Cortérro was much more than an explorer during the Age of European Expansion. Cortérro was born in Vigo, Spain to a devout couple within the moral confines of wedlock (1460). His early years were spent in work and study, always with his hands far away from his pubic serpent and always with one slightly wind-dampened eye looking West toward the vast sea dreaming of one day sailing in service to the Lord God.
As Captain of the good ship Dejar de auto Violación (Stop Self Rape), Cortérro set out to discover the New World. He hoped to build a nest-egg for his young wife and two children while in service to Mother Spain, but mostly, Diogo wished to bring glory to God and spread the message of Self-Celibacy to the heathen lands past the horizon.
It was Cortérro that brought the first Spanish Settlers to Granada after Spanish forces ejectulated Moorish meat handlers. The Granadian Natives were of healthy stock, but hampered by continuous and wasteful masturbation. Cortérro found the work of teaching and preventing self-rape among the well-hung natives a tiring chore. He finally received relief when the Queen requested his marine skills to sail in the Orient and counter the imperialistic ambitions of the Fez Colonials, who were searching for the ultimate aphrodisiac, a heathenish and morally devalued pursuit, that.
While in the Orient, Cortérro encountered a vast array of godless natives of sinful self-rape mindsets, their pea brains incapable of forming morals of the such that would bring their souls to a heavenly reward free of self gratification.
Territories settled by Cortérro were God-fearing and without tolerance for the sin of masturbation. Native workers were abruptly corrected should their hands stray inside the confines of their pantaloons or thatch skirts. Public self-celibacy vigils and rituals were held in the cause. Required reading in camp was the holy bible and Manual de la iluminación (Mi lucha personal), Diogo’s own memoirs documenting his life-long opposition to self rape and its horrible social and economic cost. These manuscripts are today required reading at B.L.U.F.F. Re-Education Campuses.
Diogo Dias Cortérro’s travels ended abruptly in 1525 on the shores of Gau on the Fiji Island chain when he and his crew were murdered and machete-hacked to pieces by a horde of Polynesian masturbators.
The works of Diogo Dias Cortérro are legendary in Spain, where he is widely celebrated and honored with statues and historic markers. The B.L.U.F.F. Historical Society wishes also to honor Diogo Dias Cortérro, truly one of the pioneers of Self Celibacy.