Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

NATURAL HISTORY-(SMNNN)

Throughout the approximately 8,500 years the world has existed, many animals have gone extinct, but only a few notable animals have gone extinct from masturbation.

Here’s a list of the top five:

thylacine

1) The Tasmanian Tiger.

The thylacine was the first large cat to go extinct from masturbation

White Rhino

2) The Great Normal Rhinoceros

Though his name suggests he is a great beast, the Great Normal Rhinoceros became extinct because of hornplay and masturbation.

dodo bird

3) The Do-Do Bird

Like seriously, do we even have to explain how extinct these masturbating birds went?

giraffe

4) The Giraffe

The Giraffe, also know as Nature’s Joke, had such difficulty mating, that it surprised no one when they all went totally extinct. Giraffes were known to masturbate profusely, as much as 23 hours at a time.

triceratops

5) Dragons

Dragons, being evil reptilian slaves of Satan, masturbated themselves to extinction almost as soon as they appeared on the Earth.

About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles

Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F’s, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

27 Comments on Top Five Animals To Go Extinct From Masturbation

  1. The Tasmanian Tiger and Dodo went extinct from over hunting, the Great Normal Rhino isn’t a real species, the giraffe isn’t extinct, I saw one on my Safari last year, and by dragons you must mean Dinosaurs which went extinct by an asteroid strike millions of years ago, and the world has existed for 4.8 billion years, not 8,500 years.

  2. When Noah didn’t allow the dinosaurs on his Ark, the dinosaurs started protesting for equal rights, just like the gays and masturbators, and they are extinct now, just like gays and masturbators will be soon.

  3. k firstly both giraffes and rhinos are not extinct…secondly dragons do not exist and thirdly dodos were brought to extinction thru poaching….they lived on a island with no predators so when humans came to that said island and were able to kill them so easily they started calling them dumb thus the name dodo. Also this must only apply to half of the population of these animals since females of most breeds except humans and a type of tortoise do not orgasm so why would they masturbate in the first place. Also why would ‘god’ give humans orgasms if it was damning to have them especially for females who really dont need them to populate. Plus two of the most sexual creatures still thrive dolphins are very sexual they have gang bangs they even give oral to each other just b/c they can and it feels good, also lions are very sexual when a male can sense that a female is in heat they will have sex almost every ten mins for what can end up being up to three days or longer with no breaks also when a lonely male comes to a new pride after it kills the current male it will kill the cubs so the females go in heat just so he can fuck them, both of these animals are thriving in the wild. I have spent my whole life working with animals it is very obvious that whoever wrote this article has very little information and is mostly just pointing fingers and blaming masturbation for this…please if your going to be posting stuff on the internet do you research first. Now as for the homosexuals and masturbators going extinct sorry that will never happen especially for homosexuals who are born that way and no matter how much supressing and hiding and brain washing you try deep down they will always be that way and you just need to learn to accept that, why would ‘god’ make them that way if it is bad and dont say its ‘satan’ b/c ‘satan’ only knows about lust not love only ‘god’ knows about love and how can someone be in lust for 70 years but still be happily with each other in their old age, sorry not possible to be in ‘lust’ for that long. As for masturbators everyone has touched themself at least once no matter how much you try to control it, it is perfectly normal for a child a teenager and an adult to be curious about their body and want to know what feels good for them. Do not tell me you have never done it because that would be a lie especially for the males, and lets say you have held yourself from ejaculating then there is a 100% chance that you had a wet dream which in reality is touching yourself in your sleep. Again i cannot stress do your research before you post stuff like this in the end it is idiotic and childish to post crap that anyone can see thru especially that giraffes are extinct…seriously… you go to majority of zoos and you see them…please do your research by posting pointless crap on the internet.

    • Oh my! Extreme verbosity alert. I sure hope you don’t talk at your superior SRAS in that manner and if you do, I pray that he disciplines you accordingly. Lesser gendereds should be seen occasionally and heard minimally!

      • I love how angry you are getting for my speaking the truth, it just shows how right my argument is. And since I am a female I should not speak my own mind? Wow this is the 21 century get off your high horse and look at the real world there are females in charge of huge corporations yet there is you being a sexist why? Because I have a valid argument and your little ego cannot handle it. There is a reason why feminists exist to help even out the world and make everyone equal as it should be. So sir Truffle have a nice day and think strongly before you open your mouth around females, or anyone for that matter because one day that tounge of yours will get you in trouble.
        Good day. 🙂

        • I am a lesser-gendered species, only I know my place in society. Beneath superior menfolk and farm animals…the same as you. Feminism is a disgusting weapon to use, just because you cannot get your own selfish way. The sooner you accept you are NOT equal to men, the better it will be for all humankind.

          Praying AT you!

          • So your saying that females are a different species from males and and animals??? sorry but thats invalid….also feminism was made to give women a chance to speak their mind openly and freely the same as how races are now equal in society and homosexuals we are all equal in the end and if you want to go down the christian route we are all made in gods image of him and that we are all the same, we women are not made just to please men but to be as one with them and be companions not slaves to them. I feel very sorry for you and how badly brain washed you have become I pray that one day you can look past this anger and see that all there is is love not hatred towards others like you are so desperately trying to believe and fight for.

      • If, masturbator, you wish to debunk and denounce THE WILL OF LONNIE AND GOD through literary criticism, it would behoove you to learn proper paragraph structure and other basic English grammar,

  4. is this website for real??? you gotta be kidding!!! and exactly, how Christian is to tell someone to die just because they actually throw some facts on your otherwise incredibly fantasied article??

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