A Reading From the Book of Exit Us

...An Inspirational Passage From the King Lonald Holy Bible

25:1 And the LORD spake unto Lonald, saying,
25:2 Speak unto the superior gendered children of B.L.U.F.F., that they bring me offerings: of every self celibate that giveth it willingly with his pure heart ye shall take my offering.
25:3 And this is the offering which ye shall take of them; beer, and steak, and voluptuous newbreast,
25:4 six packs of PBR, Coors, or Budweiser, none thou from Miller, thou foulest of foreign goat urine
25:5 skins of wool or linen decored in thy favorite football team or NASCAR driver carved on badgers’ skins, and shittim wood,
25:6 Oils for the lamp, spices for the grilling meats or fryer breadings, and for sweet incense, fine cigars
25:7 Onyx stones, to decorate the breastplates of moisture checked lessor gendered in graced with thy light and golden love as their ivory breasts shall be displayed.
25:8 And let them make me a sanctuary space on a functioning recliner; that I may have a beer and catch the game among them.
25:9 According to all that I shew thee, oh faithful Brother Lonald, after the pattern of the alters, and the patterns of all the tools thereof, even so shall ye make it.-C.Pen

About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles

Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O’Reily “No-Spin” Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.

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