Annual 4 Corners Mass-Wedding Ceremony Set for September

Have you ever dreamed of participating in a mass-wedding ceremony performed by your favorite alternative religious leader?  What about joining, in holy matrimony, with four of your same-race assigned spouses at the same time?  If so, you will be glad to know that SMN Ministries has the Annual “4-Points Marriage Marathon” planned, set and ready to go on September 1st.

Just mere miles northeast of the SMN compound in Safford, Arizona, lies the “four corners” national monument.  Four Corners is where the borders of: Arizona, Utah, New Mexico and Colorado meet.  This allows Rev. Lonnie Childs to join one man and up to four women in holy matrimony with the legal consent of all 4 state governments.

Prior to actual ceremony, SMN legal liaisons in all four states assist women 16 years of age, or older, in obtaining a legal marriage license.  Then, all assigned-spouses are transported to the 4 corners area for a series of marriage ceremonies.

In a rare interview with Rev. Lonnie Childs, the reverend explained the event from his point of view:

SMN.ORG: Rev. Childs, thank you for your time

Lonnie: You are quite welcome Liam

SMN.ORG: What is it the 4-Corners ceremony like for you?

Lonnie: It is quite grueling.  Polygamist weddings are tougher than most and doing a lot of them in one day is not easy.

SMN.ORG: Can you elaborate on the difference between a polygamist ceremony vs. a monogamist ceremony?

Lonnie: Sure Liam.  As you well know, the lesser-gender is fraught with emotional instability, competitiveness and high aspirations for their “big day.”  A polygamist ceremony multiplies the “bridezilla” factor by 4.  As if that isn’t bad enough, we also have to deal with protesters from women’s rights groups and Amnesty International.  Hell, last year one of our interpreters went “rouge” on us and kept saying that Lupita didn’t want to marry Brother Jacob Franklin and that she refused to consent.  If it wasn’t for you and Brother Nikita Shevlin, Brother Jacob would still be a 3/4th bachelor.

SMN.ORG: Yes, I remember that.  Jacob is lucky we were as organized as we were.  Can you tell us what organizing something like this involves?

Lonnie: Sure.  Logistically, we have to get all the various marriage licenses in-order.  That happens in the days prior to the event, with help from our liaisons in the various states.  Then there are the ceremonies on the day of.  There is a lot of: Flowers, Cakes, Tables, Chairs and Formal wear that needs to be taken care of. Then there is the reception.  That’s actually the easy part, since it’s just one big party.  Then there is the consummation-inspection.  That’s where I make sure each marriage is consummated appropriately and in accordance with our beliefs.  Sometimes, like last year with Lupita, we have to remind the bride that being married means that you’ve already consented to sex and that crying about it will only make things worse.

SMN.ORG: yes, I can see how that may be complicated.  What are your rewards for all of your hard work?

Lonnie: Well, the greatest reward is seeing one of my parishioners happily wed to his four wives and begin a life together.  Our ministry also benefits from the added donations that the new wives contribute when they sign-over all of their wealth to the ministry.

SMN.ORG: Thank you Dr. Childs.  I know you are a busy man and your time is valuable

Lonnie: The pleasure is all mine, Liam.

Well, there you have it, from the man himself.  Applications are still being accepted.  If you are a man and interested in joining SMN ministries for the ceremony, you are encouraged to report to our facility in Safford, no later than August 25th, with your 2 or more fiances.  If you are a woman and wish to be assigned to a male member of SMN ministries, you are also encouraged to report to our facility in Safford no later than August 25th.  If you are a foster parent or birth-parent dealing with an un-ruly female teenager 16 years of age or olde, drop-off times at the SMN facility are from 10am to 3pm, Mountain Standard Time.