STAMFORD, CT (SMN) — Word has spread quickly tonight that World Wrestling Entertainment has purged former “Superstar”, Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea from their entire website and have also removed him as a judge on their weekly reality show ‘Tough Enough’. That has been much speculation on what would cause the WWE to completely distance themselves from one of their previously most beloved employees. Some felt that perhaps Hogan had said derogatory things about non-normals, but B.L.U.F.F. media insider Brother Adolph Kraft reportedly knows exactly what has happened to cause this rift.
“Hulk Hogan is an unrepentant masturbator and has been for years,” says Brother Kraft. “On Lonnie’s very own netsite, almost exactly one year to the date, we reported on Hogan trying to break a world masturbation record and suffering horrible bodily harm as a result. Over the past year, Brother Lonnie and his associates have been working non-stop with the WWE to start cracking down on the masturbators within their ranks.”
Brother Kraft explains that, “(We) had a breakthrough with the majority owner of WWE, Vince McMahon, as Brother Lonnie was finally able to convince the aging McMahon that he needs to make his product more family friendly. Brother Lonnie convinced Mr. McMahon that keeping an immoral, self-rapist like Hogan on the payroll would look bad to potential investors. McMahon finally listened to reason and the WWE is now cutting their losses before Hogan can do any more damage to their bottom line.”
“Brother Lonnie didn’t mind Hogan’s statements about non-normals; in fact he most likely agreed with everything Hulk Hogan was saying. However, that does not change the fact that Hogan has tried to set several masturbation records over the years and is currently involved in a sexual scandal for having relations with a female that was not his same-race assigned spouse. Brother Lonnie will never tolerate that kind of behavior and we as a movement are proud to see that the WWE agrees with us,” concludes Brother Kraft.
It is unknown which other “Superstars” will be the next to get the axe from the WWE. Rumors are circulating that purging Hogan from the company was a “shot across the bow” to let the rest of the employees at the company know that masturbation and deviant behavior will no longer be tolerated at the WWE.