BREAKING: Lonnie Childs Gets Masturbator Hulk Hogan Banished From WWE

Masturbation and other deviant behavior no longer tolerated at the WWE

STAMFORD, CT (SMN) — Word has spread quickly tonight that World Wrestling Entertainment has purged former “Superstar”, Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea from their entire website and have also removed him as a judge on their weekly reality show ‘Tough Enough’. That has been much speculation on what would cause the WWE to completely distance themselves from one of their previously most beloved employees. Some felt that perhaps Hogan had said derogatory things about non-normals, but B.L.U.F.F. media insider Brother Adolph Kraft reportedly knows exactly what has happened to cause this rift.

“Hulk Hogan is an unrepentant masturbator and has been for years,” says Brother Kraft. “On Lonnie’s very own netsite, almost exactly one year to the date, we reported on Hogan trying to break a world masturbation record and suffering horrible bodily harm as a result. Over the past year, Brother Lonnie and his associates have been working non-stop with the WWE to start cracking down on the masturbators within their ranks.”

The hands of a masturbator that just can't stop.
The hands of a masturbator that just can’t stop.

Brother Kraft explains that, “(We) had a breakthrough with the majority owner of WWE, Vince McMahon, as Brother Lonnie was finally able to convince the aging McMahon that he needs to make his product more family friendly. Brother Lonnie convinced Mr. McMahon that keeping an immoral, self-rapist like Hogan on the payroll would look bad to potential investors. McMahon finally listened to reason and the WWE is now cutting their losses before Hogan can do any more damage to their bottom line.”

“Brother Lonnie didn’t mind Hogan’s statements about non-normals; in fact he most likely agreed with everything Hulk Hogan was saying. However, that does not change the fact that Hogan has tried to set several masturbation records over the years and is currently involved in a sexual scandal for having relations with a female that was not his same-race assigned spouse. Brother Lonnie will never tolerate that kind of behavior and we as a movement are proud to see that the WWE agrees with us,” concludes Brother Kraft.

It is unknown which other “Superstars” will be the next to get the axe from the WWE. Rumors are circulating that purging Hogan from the company was a “shot across the bow” to let the rest of the employees at the company know that masturbation and deviant behavior will no longer be tolerated at the WWE.

About Cathy Redmond 109 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

6 Comments on BREAKING: Lonnie Childs Gets Masturbator Hulk Hogan Banished From WWE

  1. I used to masturbate furiously to the WWE (back when they were known as the World Wildlife Fund). I’m into pain and domination. Got me into BDSM and midget tossing!

  2. I pray for u holg, u r not bad man. yes u r bad man but u can be away from stantan.

  3. WHAT’S GOING WRONG WITH YOU DA FUQ??? That’s just a normal thing and nobodys hands are looking like this!!!

  4. Wrestling world banishes HULK HOGAN from its history over 8-year-old racial slur

    Read more:

    it wasnt over masturbation that WWE cut its losses about hulk hogan, it was a racial slur your ignorant fucks, taking credit for something you never did. your a bunch of liars and will burn in hell for your hypocrisy.

    and your the worst Lonnie Childs, you have a special seat in hell for your false teachings.

    as a 3rd degree satanic priestess, ill save you a nice cozy spot on the otherside of hell.

    oh and if one websites credibility isnt enough, hes several more


  5. What a disinformation site with un-proven information! Rape is non-consensual, but you are always consenting of mastubating, except if someone force you to do so which is a very few of the cases.

  6. Best replies ever. Love this site. I’m getting a wooden version of the anti-self-rape device. Will I be able to drive with it on? I got a real bad problem of flogging whilst driving.

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