TUCSON ARIZONA (SMNNN)
Big Masturbation’s latest venture, the Community-Linked Integrated Transit System of Tucson (C.L.I.T.T), is set to be protested by Child’s Youth, the under-aged group of religious activists who are so named for Lonald “Lonnie” Childs.
The C.L.I.T.T, which is being misrepresented as a transportation system, is actually a thinly-veiled attempt to draw more sinners into the control of Big Masturbation. Child’s Youth have been canvasing Tucson and attempting to get the C.L.I.T.T removed, for Tucson’s own good.
Results have been inconclusive, and Jason Mewes, reputed C.L.I.T.T Commander, does not seem to be planning to leave willingly.
Child’s Youth, however, will not be deterred, and each member has withdrawn the maximum amount of “peace weapons” from the B.L.U.F.F main campound Library. Though, Child’s Youth Lieutenant, urban youth J-Dawg states, ” Nah nah. Nah dawg. We aint packn’ at the protest! We gonna use Faith all on dem bitches. We keepin’ tha burnas in da whip. ” , presumably some form of non-Normal code-speak for the Child’s Youth promising an unarmed resolution to the situtation.
Such a resolution is believed possible, says B.L.U.F.F maintenance chief Merle Chimball, ” Them Child’s Youth can be bothersome as a outhouse full of wolf-spiders. I reckon they ain’t gunna need the peace-weapons. Heck, I bought a thousand bucks worth of Lonnie’s Bars from them last Lonniesmas, and I’m diabetic! “.
” We don’t advocate violence” Said SMN Exalted Leader St. Lonald Clarence Childs III. ” But sometimes, you gotta crack a few pro-masturbation eggs to make an anti-masturbation omelet.”
Big Masturbation stooge and lackey Chris Sheely refused comment when we approached him at the Boom-Boom-Room, stating only “Go away SMN, busy fappin.”
The C.L.I.T.T protest will be held on the steps of Tucson City Hall at 10 a.m. on August 10th, 2014.