Lonnie Childs Succeeds In Getting Iggy Azalea Tour Canceled

Lonnie Childs has done it again! Word has come down from Iggy Azalea’s management that her ‘Great Escape’ tour has been officially canceled. The alleged rapper, Azalea, has long been considered a tool of the entertainment division of Big Masturbation. “Big Masturbation has used pop stars and singers as means to their filthy ends for years,” said Brother Parker Osgood of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts in Safford, Arizona. “Stars like Iggy Azalea, Nicki Minaj, even going as far back as Tina Turner, merely exist to lure young men into the disgusting act of masturbation.” Brother Osgood went as far to say that Azalea was one of the more egregious examples of pure “masturbation fodder” that the “Big Masturbation controlled music industry” has “shoved into the faces of young America” in years. Anyone that is thirsty enough to find clothed musicians to be sexually attractive and reason enough to want to masturbate, obviously haven’t witnessed any Live cam girls.

It is unknown what the future will bring for Iggy Azalea. The “official version” of why her tour was canceled placed the blame on poor ticket sales and a reported campaign of cyberbullying done by the internet to undermine the potential success of the alleged rapper. “Of course, the Big Masturbation controlled media will not give credit where credit is due, as usual,” said Brother Osgood. “Brother Lonnie and His associates have been working tirelessly to rid the Earth of premanufactured trash like Iggy Azalea for years. Every time Miley Cyrus gets banned from doing a live sex performance or a major tour like the ‘Great Escape’ tour is canceled, Brother Lonnie is the cause.”

Brother Osgood said that the Iggy Azalea tour has been in the crosshairs of the famed anti-masturbation crusader for a while. “Brother Lonnie used His influence in the world of business to get the venues that weren’t Big Masturbation controlled to back out of the tour at first,” explained Brother Osgood. “Over the last few months, Brother Lonnie was able to wear the remaining hold out venues down to the point they finally agreed that an Iggy Azalea concert would do horrible things to the minds of the youth in America. Not to mention, the rampant masturbation that would have occurred at the venue would have cost the venue owners thousands upon thousands of dollars in clean-up and biohazard containment expenses each. They finally saw the light, Praise Lonnie!”

About Cathy Redmond 109 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

5 Comments on Lonnie Childs Succeeds In Getting Iggy Azalea Tour Canceled

  1. I don’t like iggy azelea personally but I imagine all of the devastated people because you fuckers cancelled the tour. Just because your religion calls for zero masturbation doesn’t mean you can just cancel other peoples plans like that. Go fuck yourselves.

  2. Hello, I am glad I came here. I will assure you that Lonnie Child’s has literally nothing at all to do with Iggy being canceled. Say what you will but I myself am a professional music producer and I guarentee that the venue managers would tell Lonnie to shove it. There is literally millions to be made off her playing one show. Luckily for me, if you are feeling like arguing I will tell you a story. Back in 2002 Christina angulara was going to put on a concert at and it was canceled due to protest of lude behavior the night before. The venue manager did cancel the performance(side fact. It was onstage sex they claimed she had done) and her managers literally sued the venue till they were out of business. Why you ask? Because these venues sign muti-million dollar contracts for these artists time and if they pull out for any reason…. They still have to pay them. And if they pull out and use the excuse(like our venue manager did in this story) than they will be sued for slander just like all the rest of them. So this whole thing was made up and BTW her tour was canceled due to a break up between her and her producer who ceased to fund it. Maybe next time do some research.

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