Lonnie Childs has done it again! Word has come down from Iggy Azalea’s management that her ‘Great Escape’ tour has been officially canceled. The alleged rapper, Azalea, has long been considered a tool of the entertainment division of Big Masturbation. “Big Masturbation has used pop stars and singers as means to their filthy ends for years,” said Brother Parker Osgood of Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts in Safford, Arizona. “Stars like Iggy Azalea, Nicki Minaj, even going as far back as Tina Turner, merely exist to lure young men into the disgusting act of masturbation.” Brother Osgood went as far to say that Azalea was one of the more egregious examples of pure “masturbation fodder” that the “Big Masturbation controlled music industry” has “shoved into the faces of young America” in years. Anyone that is thirsty enough to find clothed musicians to be sexually attractive and reason enough to want to masturbate, obviously haven’t witnessed any Live cam girls.
It is unknown what the future will bring for Iggy Azalea. The “official version” of why her tour was canceled placed the blame on poor ticket sales and a reported campaign of cyberbullying done by the internet to undermine the potential success of the alleged rapper. “Of course, the Big Masturbation controlled media will not give credit where credit is due, as usual,” said Brother Osgood. “Brother Lonnie and His associates have been working tirelessly to rid the Earth of premanufactured trash like Iggy Azalea for years. Every time Miley Cyrus gets banned from doing a live sex performance or a major tour like the ‘Great Escape’ tour is canceled, Brother Lonnie is the cause.”
Brother Osgood said that the Iggy Azalea tour has been in the crosshairs of the famed anti-masturbation crusader for a while. “Brother Lonnie used His influence in the world of business to get the venues that weren’t Big Masturbation controlled to back out of the tour at first,” explained Brother Osgood. “Over the last few months, Brother Lonnie was able to wear the remaining hold out venues down to the point they finally agreed that an Iggy Azalea concert would do horrible things to the minds of the youth in America. Not to mention, the rampant masturbation that would have occurred at the venue would have cost the venue owners thousands upon thousands of dollars in clean-up and biohazard containment expenses each. They finally saw the light, Praise Lonnie!”