My Name is Lonnie Childs

Forgive me, Tina

Hello, my name is Lonnie Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement.  Welcome to my netsite.

Many years ago, while living at home as a 25 year-old youth, my mother walked in on me as I raped myself an image of black pop sensation, Tina Turner.  I’ll never forget the look on her face as she observed her only son abusing his sin zones in such a depraved manner.  It wasn’t long before she was literally dragging me to our church where I was forced to confess my sin before the shocked congregation.  That moment of disgrace and shame will be seared into my brain forever.  Praise!  My mother removed me from the secular college that I was attending because she (rightfully) believed that was where I picked up my nasty little habit.  After months of private counselling from my pastor and washing my brain clean at the unaccredited Faith School, Bob Jones University, I finally understood that the act of masturbation (self-rape) was one of the worst sins in the history of the world.  The world and elsewhere.  I vowed to myself, God and Mother to never abuse myself in such a manner ever again.  A vow that I keep to this day.

After graduating from BJU, while relaxing at home and not masturbating, I discovered an ancient parchment stuck between the cushions of Mother’s couch.  After studying the text I came to realize that this was a message from God Himself instructing me to take this crazy anti-fap movement beyond my ever-dwindling social circle and into the world beyond.  My mission was clear and the STOP Masturbation NOW movement was born!  Praise!

My name is Lonnie Childs.  Welcome to STOP Masturbation NOW.

 

Our Facebook netsite page is here at http://www.facebook.com/originalsmn

Please feel free to visit our mascot, Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin at  http://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin

Enroll at unaccredited faith university that I founded, Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) here http://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie

The ancient scroll that I uncovered from Mother’s couch is currently being translated and updated by faith linguists as the King Lonald Holy Bible.   It can be found here http://www.facebook.com/Kinglonaldbible

 

 

 

About Lonnie Childs 38 Articles

Hello, my name is Lonald “Lonnie” Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW anti-masturbation movement.
Please visit my Facebook page here, https://www.facebook.com/originalsmn
and my unaccredited institution of higher learning here,
https://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie

Contact: Website

73 Comments on My Name is Lonnie Childs

  1. I’ve written Tina hundreds of times over the years, offering my sincerest apologies. She hasn’t responded yet though I’m confident that one day I’ll be able to let her know how sorry I am on her face. Miracles DO happen! Praise!

  2. Lonnie I want to share a wonderful experience I had today. Here I was on the beach smoking a joint… and I fucked your desciple… I pounded that virgin pussy into a pulp… let me Say Cathy Redmonds carpet matches the drapes.

  3. Brother Lonnie, without your guidance I would simply be a lost individual in a sea of masturbators. After years of being a compulsive masturbator, I have found religion thanks to you. I was not able to control those evil impulses so I shut them down by getting castrated.

    Praise!

  4. Let us all join crank shafts in a mass circle jerk and crank ourselves into the heavens. Oh blessed heavenly lonnie wisper my name into thy ear as ye firmly tug thy holy crank shaft. Bless Sister cathy while I tongue punch thy fart box and tickle thy bean.

    Praise.

  5. I reckon lonnie fans like country music so I wrote a song for yall..

    Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up
    Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up
    Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up
    Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up
    Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up
    Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up
    Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up
    Get it up, get it up, get it up

    I fucked Cathy Redmond
    I fucked Truffle
    I fucked Cassidy Pen
    And I fucked all of his kin
    I fucked Minnie Pearl
    I fucked Thomas Kellys little girl
    I fucked at B.L.U.F.F
    I fucked at B.L.U.F.F
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down

  6. It won’t go down
    (Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up-)
    It won’t go down
    My boner, my boner
    My boner won’t go down
    It won’t go down
    It won’t go down
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down

    I fucked Lonnie Childs
    I fucked him deep inside
    I fucked Shelly Richey
    In the bathroom where she prayed
    I fucked Cornelius Felcher
    Liam Mckey grabbed his ankles
    And he hollered when I poked ’em
    I fucked at B.L.U.F.F (He fucked at B.L.U.F.F)
    I fucked at B.L.U.F.F (He fucked at B.L.U.F.F)
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down

  7. It won’t go down
    (Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up-)
    It won’t go down
    My boner, my boner
    My boner won’t go down
    It won’t go down
    It won’t go down
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down

    Yodel-lay-hee
    Yodel-lay-hee
    Yodel-lay, yodel-lay-hee-hoo

    Yodel-lay-hee
    Yodel-lay-hee
    Yodel-lay, yodel-lay-hee-hoo

  8. That’s how we do it

    I fucked Arizona
    I fucked the Campound Chior boys
    I fucked Christina Mcierncock Rubright
    With a 12 inch plastic toy
    I fucked the cast of lonniefest (Heehaw)
    I fucked Richard Tuggins
    I fucked him on a see-saw
    Lonnie Childs farted pearls
    When I fucked his big white ass
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down

  9. It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
    (Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up-)
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
    My boner, my boner
    My boner won’t go down
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down

  10. It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
    (Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up-)
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
    My boner, my boner
    My boner won’t go down
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down
    Hew haw

  11. It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
    (Get it up, get it up
    Gotta get it, get it up-)
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
    My boner, my boner
    My boner won’t go down
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
    It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
    My cuntry boner
    It won’t go down

    I love you lonnie

  12. HEY YA STUPID PUD THUG. GIV IT UP. YER SONG STINKS LIKE YER SEMEN CRUSTED HANDS. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA TA SHOW UP AT LONNIE’S CAMPOUND HERE N SAFFORD AND HE’LL SHOWS YA WHATS WHAT AND SING PRAISES AT YA WHILE DOIN’ IT. ~ P.J. HAMMOND SHERIFF GRAHAM COUNTY AZ

  13. This is your brain on reefer, masturbation and a secular education folks. But noooooo. God fearing people like myself are the ones who are backwards and uncivilized. It will not surprise me if this Dark Mercenary kid got some “homeboy” as an English teacher. His secular education sure paid off. Just look at dem rhymes and phat beats yo. Pathetic.

  14. The comments under this amazing article are almost as stupid as the anti Christ lesbian singer who hacked me, Sami Villegas. I sent your people a link to the Fanpage I made.

  15. I’m sorry that I fail you every moment I am alive and breathing Lonnie. I know I put on a big front here on your site, but really I cry myself to sleep at 11am most days because I’ve spent my entire day and evening pretending that I don’t know your love. Whenever I say I want to have intercourse with you, what I’m really saying is that I know I’m a sinner and do not have the strength inside myself to love you and Christ and do something meaningful with my life. Praise you, Lonnie for trying to help sinners like myself, even though I know we are not worthy of your precious time. Praise Lonnie and praise all of the Brothers and Sisters!

  16. Lonnie stop brainwashing other folks. Masturbation is a healthy way of relieving urges and stress. It most certainly does not cause dead eyes and whatever a homosexual mouth is. You and other “Christian” organizations are giving everyone who considers themselves Christian a bad name. I will have you know that i was a habitual masturbator growing up and i still enjoy it occasionally today and it has not made me stupid or ignorant. I have a loving girlfriend, with whom i just celebrated one year together with and we still masturbate together at times, I also am in the development stages of running my own business. And here is the kicker i am a young 20 year old black male that still masturbates.

  17. This Lonnie Childs character and and his followers are nothing more than bloody idiots forcing their stupid so called religious views upon others. Personally I do not masturbate due to religious reasons but I am against people forcing their views upon others. I believe that people have the right to do whatever they like and pay for the consequences themselves. To put it quite simply my words for Lonnie Childs and his bloody idiotic cult members: go fuck yourselves, assholes! .

  18. That’s because every article I read from this site has every people that follows you calling you a saint when in fact I believe you brainwashed them into believing your highly intolerant ideologies but however I apologize for using that “word” but I heavily disagree with what you believe in. If this is an alternate religious movement, it should advocate tolerance despite people going against your views and what you believe in

  19. If there is one vibe I get from reading the articles on this site, it is intolerance against people that “masturbate ” and that generally feel that is forcing your religious views upon them. However I WILL stand my ground against intolerance of any sort.

  20. In addition treating women as “less gendered” and using “menstrual huts” and “anti-maturation cross” as a form of punishment for women & children is stupid and should be left behind in the Stone Age & the Dark Age. Currently some women have the potential to be equal to or greater than men while children do not have the logic to explain their actions

  21. The story of how Lonnie became Fappy the douchebag:Once upon a time, not too long ago. There once was a pedophile dolphin, named Lonnie Childs. His girlfriend, Samantha, was swimming around the ocean. Then, out of nowhere, white shit started coming out from the world above the ocean. Samantha and Lonnie went and see what was happening. It was a fisherman on a ship, masturbating to pornography, at the end of the deck. Samantha and Lonnie heard of the word before, and knew what it meant. So, as the fisherman climaxed, his jizz hits Samantha in the blow hole, and she suddenly dies.

    Lonnie, who was furious of his girlfriend’s death. Went Kamikaze shit on the fisherman, and killed him.

    Lonnie became ill sighted, he was filled with hatred. Then, he heard of another term of masturbation. Called “Fapping”. Lonnie got a great idea! Lonnie would become Fappy. Fappy the Dolphin! Fappy gained the abilities to not die without water on his body, but the process made him turn into a guy into a costume. But it was worth it, to teach about wrongings of masturbation, and the spread of the christian faith!
    Fappy went to schools, spreading his ‘facts’ on masturbation. “If you go and masturbate…” Fappy said. “…Then you will automatically go to hell. No matter on how much you beg the lord for forgivness, god will automatically hate you for masturbating.” Kids were scared, at masturbation. Why, Fappy made a 2nd grader stop masturbating for 90 days, in a facebook post…

    Flappy the dolphin

    “Today we honor second grade student Rosemary Henderson from DeQuincy, Louisiana Elementary School. She has been masturbation-free for 90 days now. Keep up the great work Rosemary!”

    He spread fears to the whole world about masturbation, that out of nowhere… people stopped!
    Since everyone stopped masturbation, due to Fappy’s furry brigade (Rubit the Rabbit, Frankie the Fruit Bat, Flappy the dolphin- Fappy’s new girlfriend- and Pinchy the Crab). Everybody’s blood pressure rose, and rose, and rose. Till everyone died. The only people that were left on the world, was the furry brigade. But, since they were gods children, their blood pressure grew incredibly high. Pinchy, who was the worse, decided to break from the pack, and started masturbating (in front of Fappy’s face too). They had no choice, but to lynch him, and cruicfy him. Then, out of nowhere, God let down his major beam of light, and took Pinchy to heaven. God’s reason for this, was because he was masturbating. Then, they all started masturbating, to meet their lord and savior. But, they all died of AIDS. The End.

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