Celebrity / History / Lonnie Childs

My Name is Lonnie Childs

Hello, my name is Lonnie Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement.  Welcome to my netsite.

Many years ago, while living at home as a 25 year-old youth, my mother walked in on me as I raped myself an image of black pop sensation, Tina Turner.  I’ll never forget the look on her face as she observed her only son abusing his sin zones in such a depraved manner.  It wasn’t long before she was literally dragging me to our church where I was forced to confess my sin before the shocked congregation.  That moment of disgrace and shame will be seared into my brain forever.  Praise!  My mother removed me from the secular college that I was attending because she (rightfully) believed that was where I picked up my nasty little habit.  After months of private counselling from my pastor and washing my brain clean at the unaccredited Faith School, Bob Jones University, I finally understood that the act of masturbation (self-rape) was one of the worst sins in the history of the world.  The world and elsewhere.  I vowed to myself, God and Mother to never abuse myself in such a manner ever again.  A vow that I keep to this day.

After graduating from BJU, while relaxing at home and not masturbating, I discovered an ancient parchment stuck between the cushions of Mother’s couch.  After studying the text I came to realize that this was a message from God Himself instructing me to take this crazy anti-fap movement beyond my ever-dwindling social circle and into the world beyond.  My mission was clear and the STOP Masturbation NOW movement was born!  Praise!

My name is Lonnie Childs.  Welcome to STOP Masturbation NOW.

Our Facebook netsite page is here at https://www.facebook.com/LonnieSMN/

Please feel free to visit our mascot, Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin at  http://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin

Enroll at unaccredited faith university that I founded, Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) here http://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie

The ancient scroll that I uncovered from Mother’s couch is currently being translated and updated by faith linguists as the King Lonald Holy Bible.   It can be found here http://www.facebook.com/Kinglonaldbible

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Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

Lonnie I want to share a wonderful experience I had today. Here I was on the beach smoking a joint… and I fucked your desciple… I pounded that virgin pussy into a pulp… let me Say Cathy Redmonds carpet matches the drapes.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

She was the in the middle of my mass circle jerk last night playing the role of cum bucket. She swallows too. Do you spit or swallow brother lonnie?

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

So she is quite the campound bicycle then I love a woman who can teach me a thing or too. Ill do you tonight lonnie all you have to do is ask.

Cathy Redmond
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

I’m sorry that this heathen has tried to sully my name, and your by extension, in this thread where you are bearing your soul to everyone.

He is clearly an obsessive personality, and one of the many things you’d taught me, Lonnie, is that obsessives are the most unlikely to be cured of their masturbatory ways. I’m afraid he will continue to follow me around on the worldwide web and spreads lies about me and the entire congregation until he finally succumbs to a masturbation caused disease.

Praise, Lonnie, I’m glad your story was finally told on this netsite.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Shut up cum guzzler and send me some nudes

Cathy Redmond
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

In the immortal words of Brother Black… No.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Are you coming on to me?…… im not hearing a no 😉 how abou5 you send me some nudes lonnie?

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Hey lonnie sit on my facebook.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Sister cathy I love watching you shower… need someone to rub that soap in? My calaised materbater hands are great for exfoliation.

HAMMOND
HAMMOND
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

I DUN BELIEVE YOU ARE REALLY OUT BOTHER STALKING MS. REDMOND. BUT JUS TO BE SURE I GOT TWO OF MY BEST MEN GUARDING HER PLACE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR MASTURBATING SCUM LIKE YOU. MAH BOYS WILL FIX UP THOSE HANDS FOR YOU SOMETHING FIERCE WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY RESIST ARREST. ~ P.J. HAMMOND SHERIFF GRAHAM COUNTY AZ

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

I love watching you shower too hamond… bring the handcuffs I like abit of kink

Cathy Redmond
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

Only a stalker would know what the furnishings in my home look like. Not funny.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

I saw your sex dungeon on the weekend. Love the leathers thanks for teaching me the ways of BDSM

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

Ever tried the reverse cowgirl praying position Sultry Sister Cathy?

HAMMOND
HAMMOND
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

EVER TRIED THE IMMA IN PRISON FOR MASTURBATIN’ SCUMBAG MASTURBATOR POSITION? YOU WILL SOON. THE LAWS ON LONNIE’S SIDE. ~ P.J. HAMMOND SHERIFF GRAHAM COUNTY AZ

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  HAMMOND

Ill jism all over your patrol car

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  HAMMOND

If you where actually an officer of the law wouldnt you be out night stickin the coloured folk?

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Cathy Redmond

I bet you like your muffin buttered. Make with the Nudes slut.

HAMMOND
HAMMOND
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

LEAVE THE LADY ALONE.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  HAMMOND

Ill fuck you in your tight little ass too

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

Show me your tits Lonnie

Thepatient613
Thepatient613
9 years ago

Brother Lonnie, without your guidance I would simply be a lost individual in a sea of masturbators. After years of being a compulsive masturbator, I have found religion thanks to you. I was not able to control those evil impulses so I shut them down by getting castrated.

Praise!

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Lonnie I am swinging my meat snake in a circular motion. Or as sister cathy calls it “the Meat Tornado”.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

Let us all join crank shafts in a mass circle jerk and crank ourselves into the heavens. Oh blessed heavenly lonnie wisper my name into thy ear as ye firmly tug thy holy crank shaft. Bless Sister cathy while I tongue punch thy fart box and tickle thy bean.

Praise.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

I reckon lonnie fans like country music so I wrote a song for yall.. Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it… Read more »

Truffle
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

You did no such thing! I would like to speak with your wife, Jimmy!

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

Fluffle there is no need to hide what you enjoyed…. told the wife she wants to have a 3 way with you fluffle. I can lick her out while you gag on my dick.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

It won’t go down (Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up-) It won’t go down My boner, my boner My boner won’t go down It won’t go down It won’t go down My cuntry boner It won’t go down I fucked Lonnie Childs I fucked him deep inside I fucked Shelly Richey In the bathroom where she prayed I fucked Cornelius Felcher Liam Mckey grabbed his ankles And he hollered when I poked ’em I fucked at B.L.U.F.F (He fucked at B.L.U.F.F) I fucked at B.L.U.F.F (He fucked at B.L.U.F.F) My cuntry boner It won’t… Read more »

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

It won’t go down
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down
It won’t go down
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down

Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay, yodel-lay-hee-hoo

Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay, yodel-lay-hee-hoo

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

That’s how we do it

I fucked Arizona
I fucked the Campound Chior boys
I fucked Christina Mcierncock Rubright
With a 12 inch plastic toy
I fucked the cast of lonniefest (Heehaw)
I fucked Richard Tuggins
I fucked him on a see-saw
Lonnie Childs farted pearls
When I fucked his big white ass
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down
Hew haw

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down

I love you lonnie

HAMMOND
HAMMOND
9 years ago

HEY YA STUPID PUD THUG. GIV IT UP. YER SONG STINKS LIKE YER SEMEN CRUSTED HANDS. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA TA SHOW UP AT LONNIE’S CAMPOUND HERE N SAFFORD AND HE’LL SHOWS YA WHATS WHAT AND SING PRAISES AT YA WHILE DOIN’ IT. ~ P.J. HAMMOND SHERIFF GRAHAM COUNTY AZ

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  HAMMOND

I doubt your actully a pwrson of the law… that job requires a level of intelligence. . Which you have a severe lack of… so ill turkey slap your face and take a dump in your hat and fuck all of lonnies followers

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  HAMMOND

Hey sherriff im peeping through Cathys window now while she is sleeping.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  HAMMOND

Ah well even Mozart had his critics…. see if you can name one of them… that right you cant… I just smoke a joint that was given to me by them Hazard Boys.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Maynard loved it Lonnie… helved it like you loved my cock in your ass.i see you know how to use google… perhaps your not completely retarded. looks like ill have to pork your big mushy but extra hard.

Surrender2Christ
Surrender2Christ
9 years ago

This is your brain on reefer, masturbation and a secular education folks. But noooooo. God fearing people like myself are the ones who are backwards and uncivilized. It will not surprise me if this Dark Mercenary kid got some “homeboy” as an English teacher. His secular education sure paid off. Just look at dem rhymes and phat beats yo. Pathetic.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

yo dawwwggg ill pimp turkey slap yo… and bust a semen cap in yo mouth

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

hey notice the nipple on the storys photo…. I see some nipple to masturbate too…. thanks for the free porn Lonnie…. still want some lonnie nudes though

Carlos Danger
9 years ago

This is the story that changed my life forever. Praise Brother Lonnie for his courage in sharing this shameful tale of interracial self-rape.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

You like the cock inside and all around dont you carlos.

Salome Fernandez
Salome Fernandez
9 years ago
Reply to  Dark Mercenary

You are projecting, masturbator.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

Projecting semen all over your fac3 lol

EmilieD
EmilieD
9 years ago

This story never gets old. Brother Lonnie you is an inspiration.

Matt Cairo
9 years ago

Ahh.. Trolling at its finest. Sorry I’m late!! LOL

Matt Cairo
9 years ago

Love the song Dark Merc! Might be on CMC someday! hahaha

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  Matt Cairo

Cheers brother

GeeGee
GeeGee
9 years ago

The comments under this amazing article are almost as stupid as the anti Christ lesbian singer who hacked me, Sami Villegas. I sent your people a link to the Fanpage I made.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago
Reply to  GeeGee

Why hello GeeGee ill be sure to hit your GeeGee spot in the campound chapel tonight.

Dark Mercenary
9 years ago

I’m sorry that I fail you every moment I am alive and breathing Lonnie. I know I put on a big front here on your site, but really I cry myself to sleep at 11am most days because I’ve spent my entire day and evening pretending that I don’t know your love. Whenever I say I want to have intercourse with you, what I’m really saying is that I know I’m a sinner and do not have the strength inside myself to love you and Christ and do something meaningful with my life. Praise you, Lonnie for trying to help… Read more »

Carlos Danger
9 years ago

I only wish Tina would take the pledge and become white like Michael Jackson and Sammy Sosa. Praying at you Tina!

Iama man
Iama man
9 years ago

Lonnie stop brainwashing other folks. Masturbation is a healthy way of relieving urges and stress. It most certainly does not cause dead eyes and whatever a homosexual mouth is. You and other “Christian” organizations are giving everyone who considers themselves Christian a bad name. I will have you know that i was a habitual masturbator growing up and i still enjoy it occasionally today and it has not made me stupid or ignorant. I have a loving girlfriend, with whom i just celebrated one year together with and we still masturbate together at times, I also am in the development… Read more »

Nicholas Lee
9 years ago

This Lonnie Childs character and and his followers are nothing more than bloody idiots forcing their stupid so called religious views upon others. Personally I do not masturbate due to religious reasons but I am against people forcing their views upon others. I believe that people have the right to do whatever they like and pay for the consequences themselves. To put it quite simply my words for Lonnie Childs and his bloody idiotic cult members: go fuck yourselves, assholes! .

Nicholas Lee
9 years ago

That’s because every article I read from this site has every people that follows you calling you a saint when in fact I believe you brainwashed them into believing your highly intolerant ideologies but however I apologize for using that “word” but I heavily disagree with what you believe in. If this is an alternate religious movement, it should advocate tolerance despite people going against your views and what you believe in

Nicholas Lee
9 years ago

If there is one vibe I get from reading the articles on this site, it is intolerance against people that “masturbate ” and that generally feel that is forcing your religious views upon them. However I WILL stand my ground against intolerance of any sort.

Nicholas Lee
9 years ago

In addition treating women as “less gendered” and using “menstrual huts” and “anti-maturation cross” as a form of punishment for women & children is stupid and should be left behind in the Stone Age & the Dark Age. Currently some women have the potential to be equal to or greater than men while children do not have the logic to explain their actions

Peeda Griffan
Peeda Griffan
9 years ago

The story of how Lonnie became Fappy the douchebag:Once upon a time, not too long ago. There once was a pedophile dolphin, named Lonnie Childs. His girlfriend, Samantha, was swimming around the ocean. Then, out of nowhere, white shit started coming out from the world above the ocean. Samantha and Lonnie went and see what was happening. It was a fisherman on a ship, masturbating to pornography, at the end of the deck. Samantha and Lonnie heard of the word before, and knew what it meant. So, as the fisherman climaxed, his jizz hits Samantha in the blow hole, and… Read more »

Joseph
Joseph
9 years ago
Reply to  Lonnie Childs

Hey Lonnie SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FAGGOT PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT

Storm
Storm
8 years ago

Are you for real? I can believe there are people like this. Very strange ideas. But seriously this is a joke right?