Hello, my name is Lonnie Childs and I am the founder and president of the STOP Masturbation NOW self-celibacy movement. Welcome to my netsite.
Many years ago, while living at home as a 25 year-old youth, my mother walked in on me as I raped myself an image of black pop sensation, Tina Turner. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she observed her only son abusing his sin zones in such a depraved manner. It wasn’t long before she was literally dragging me to our church where I was forced to confess my sin before the shocked congregation. That moment of disgrace and shame will be seared into my brain forever. Praise! My mother removed me from the secular college that I was attending because she (rightfully) believed that was where I picked up my nasty little habit. After months of private counselling from my pastor and washing my brain clean at the unaccredited Faith School, Bob Jones University, I finally understood that the act of masturbation (self-rape) was one of the worst sins in the history of the world. The world and elsewhere. I vowed to myself, God and Mother to never abuse myself in such a manner ever again. A vow that I keep to this day.
After graduating from BJU, while relaxing at home and not masturbating, I discovered an ancient parchment stuck between the cushions of Mother’s couch. After studying the text I came to realize that this was a message from God Himself instructing me to take this crazy anti-fap movement beyond my ever-dwindling social circle and into the world beyond. My mission was clear and the STOP Masturbation NOW movement was born! Praise!
My name is Lonnie Childs. Welcome to STOP Masturbation NOW.
Our Facebook netsite page is here at https://www.facebook.com/LonnieSMN/
Please feel free to visit our mascot, Fappy® the Anti-Masturbation Dolphin at http://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin
Enroll at unaccredited faith university that I founded, Brother Lonnie’s University of Faith Facts (B.L.U.F.F.) here http://www.facebook.com/brotherlonnie
The ancient scroll that I uncovered from Mother’s couch is currently being translated and updated by faith linguists as the King Lonald Holy Bible. It can be found here http://www.facebook.com/Kinglonaldbible
I’ve written Tina hundreds of times over the years, offering my sincerest apologies. She hasn’t responded yet though I’m confident that one day I’ll be able to let her know how sorry I am on her face. Miracles DO happen! Praise!
Lonnie I want to share a wonderful experience I had today. Here I was on the beach smoking a joint… and I fucked your desciple… I pounded that virgin pussy into a pulp… let me Say Cathy Redmonds carpet matches the drapes.
*Yawn* Cathy was in the middle of our prayer circle all day, masturbator, not with you. Try to come up with something at least halfway believable the next time you lie, you FREAK!
She was the in the middle of my mass circle jerk last night playing the role of cum bucket. She swallows too. Do you spit or swallow brother lonnie?
Another lie, born from the diseased mind of a serial self-rapist (or the slowest kid in remedial 5th grade, it’s tough to tell with you). Sister Cathy spent last night banished to menstruation hut after giving sass to Brother Cassidy earlier in the day. She was nowhere near you and your masturbating pals.
So she is quite the campound bicycle then I love a woman who can teach me a thing or too. Ill do you tonight lonnie all you have to do is ask.
I’m sorry that this heathen has tried to sully my name, and your by extension, in this thread where you are bearing your soul to everyone.
He is clearly an obsessive personality, and one of the many things you’d taught me, Lonnie, is that obsessives are the most unlikely to be cured of their masturbatory ways. I’m afraid he will continue to follow me around on the worldwide web and spreads lies about me and the entire congregation until he finally succumbs to a masturbation caused disease.
Praise, Lonnie, I’m glad your story was finally told on this netsite.
Shut up cum guzzler and send me some nudes
In the immortal words of Brother Black… No.
Bless you, Sister Cathy. The only thing this heathen sullies are his own shorts as he fantasizes of the day when a female will look at him with anything but loathing disgust and pity.
Are you coming on to me?…… im not hearing a no 😉 how abou5 you send me some nudes lonnie?
Far too many females and gay males have masturbated themselves to my image to count. Their ranks wont be added to today.
Hey lonnie sit on my facebook.
Sister cathy I love watching you shower… need someone to rub that soap in? My calaised materbater hands are great for exfoliation.
I DUN BELIEVE YOU ARE REALLY OUT BOTHER STALKING MS. REDMOND. BUT JUS TO BE SURE I GOT TWO OF MY BEST MEN GUARDING HER PLACE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR MASTURBATING SCUM LIKE YOU. MAH BOYS WILL FIX UP THOSE HANDS FOR YOU SOMETHING FIERCE WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY RESIST ARREST. ~ P.J. HAMMOND SHERIFF GRAHAM COUNTY AZ
I love watching you shower too hamond… bring the handcuffs I like abit of kink
Only a stalker would know what the furnishings in my home look like. Not funny.
I saw your sex dungeon on the weekend. Love the leathers thanks for teaching me the ways of BDSM
Ever tried the reverse cowgirl praying position Sultry Sister Cathy?
EVER TRIED THE IMMA IN PRISON FOR MASTURBATIN’ SCUMBAG MASTURBATOR POSITION? YOU WILL SOON. THE LAWS ON LONNIE’S SIDE. ~ P.J. HAMMOND SHERIFF GRAHAM COUNTY AZ
Ill jism all over your patrol car
If you where actually an officer of the law wouldnt you be out night stickin the coloured folk?
I bet you like your muffin buttered. Make with the Nudes slut.
LEAVE THE LADY ALONE.
Ill fuck you in your tight little ass too
Show me your tits Lonnie
Brother Lonnie, without your guidance I would simply be a lost individual in a sea of masturbators. After years of being a compulsive masturbator, I have found religion thanks to you. I was not able to control those evil impulses so I shut them down by getting castrated.
Praise!
Castration can be a drastic but necessary measure to take in order to combat self-rape. You, my friend, are a HERO!
Lonnie I am swinging my meat snake in a circular motion. Or as sister cathy calls it “the Meat Tornado”.
Let us all join crank shafts in a mass circle jerk and crank ourselves into the heavens. Oh blessed heavenly lonnie wisper my name into thy ear as ye firmly tug thy holy crank shaft. Bless Sister cathy while I tongue punch thy fart box and tickle thy bean.
Praise.
I reckon lonnie fans like country music so I wrote a song for yall.. Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up Get it… Read more »
You did no such thing! I would like to speak with your wife, Jimmy!
Fluffle there is no need to hide what you enjoyed…. told the wife she wants to have a 3 way with you fluffle. I can lick her out while you gag on my dick.
It won’t go down (Get it up, get it up Gotta get it, get it up-) It won’t go down My boner, my boner My boner won’t go down It won’t go down It won’t go down My cuntry boner It won’t go down I fucked Lonnie Childs I fucked him deep inside I fucked Shelly Richey In the bathroom where she prayed I fucked Cornelius Felcher Liam Mckey grabbed his ankles And he hollered when I poked ’em I fucked at B.L.U.F.F (He fucked at B.L.U.F.F) I fucked at B.L.U.F.F (He fucked at B.L.U.F.F) My cuntry boner It won’t… Read more »
It won’t go down
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down
It won’t go down
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down
Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay, yodel-lay-hee-hoo
Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay-hee
Yodel-lay, yodel-lay-hee-hoo
That’s how we do it
I fucked Arizona
I fucked the Campound Chior boys
I fucked Christina Mcierncock Rubright
With a 12 inch plastic toy
I fucked the cast of lonniefest (Heehaw)
I fucked Richard Tuggins
I fucked him on a see-saw
Lonnie Childs farted pearls
When I fucked his big white ass
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down
Hew haw
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
(Get it up, get it up
Gotta get it, get it up-)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My boner, my boner
My boner won’t go down
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go)
It won’t go down (It fuckin’ won’t go down)
My cuntry boner
It won’t go down
I love you lonnie
HEY YA STUPID PUD THUG. GIV IT UP. YER SONG STINKS LIKE YER SEMEN CRUSTED HANDS. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA TA SHOW UP AT LONNIE’S CAMPOUND HERE N SAFFORD AND HE’LL SHOWS YA WHATS WHAT AND SING PRAISES AT YA WHILE DOIN’ IT. ~ P.J. HAMMOND SHERIFF GRAHAM COUNTY AZ
I doubt your actully a pwrson of the law… that job requires a level of intelligence. . Which you have a severe lack of… so ill turkey slap your face and take a dump in your hat and fuck all of lonnies followers
Hey sherriff im peeping through Cathys window now while she is sleeping.
Ah well even Mozart had his critics…. see if you can name one of them… that right you cant… I just smoke a joint that was given to me by them Hazard Boys.
I think Maynard might have something to say about your little song.
Maynard loved it Lonnie… helved it like you loved my cock in your ass.i see you know how to use google… perhaps your not completely retarded. looks like ill have to pork your big mushy but extra hard.
This is your brain on reefer, masturbation and a secular education folks. But noooooo. God fearing people like myself are the ones who are backwards and uncivilized. It will not surprise me if this Dark Mercenary kid got some “homeboy” as an English teacher. His secular education sure paid off. Just look at dem rhymes and phat beats yo. Pathetic.
yo dawwwggg ill pimp turkey slap yo… and bust a semen cap in yo mouth
hey notice the nipple on the storys photo…. I see some nipple to masturbate too…. thanks for the free porn Lonnie…. still want some lonnie nudes though
This is the story that changed my life forever. Praise Brother Lonnie for his courage in sharing this shameful tale of interracial self-rape.
You like the cock inside and all around dont you carlos.
You are projecting, masturbator.
Projecting semen all over your fac3 lol
This story never gets old. Brother Lonnie you is an inspiration.
Ahh.. Trolling at its finest. Sorry I’m late!! LOL
Love the song Dark Merc! Might be on CMC someday! hahaha
Cheers brother
The comments under this amazing article are almost as stupid as the anti Christ lesbian singer who hacked me, Sami Villegas. I sent your people a link to the Fanpage I made.
Why hello GeeGee ill be sure to hit your GeeGee spot in the campound chapel tonight.
I’m sorry that I fail you every moment I am alive and breathing Lonnie. I know I put on a big front here on your site, but really I cry myself to sleep at 11am most days because I’ve spent my entire day and evening pretending that I don’t know your love. Whenever I say I want to have intercourse with you, what I’m really saying is that I know I’m a sinner and do not have the strength inside myself to love you and Christ and do something meaningful with my life. Praise you, Lonnie for trying to help… Read more »
I only wish Tina would take the pledge and become white like Michael Jackson and Sammy Sosa. Praying at you Tina!
Lonnie stop brainwashing other folks. Masturbation is a healthy way of relieving urges and stress. It most certainly does not cause dead eyes and whatever a homosexual mouth is. You and other “Christian” organizations are giving everyone who considers themselves Christian a bad name. I will have you know that i was a habitual masturbator growing up and i still enjoy it occasionally today and it has not made me stupid or ignorant. I have a loving girlfriend, with whom i just celebrated one year together with and we still masturbate together at times, I also am in the development… Read more »
This Lonnie Childs character and and his followers are nothing more than bloody idiots forcing their stupid so called religious views upon others. Personally I do not masturbate due to religious reasons but I am against people forcing their views upon others. I believe that people have the right to do whatever they like and pay for the consequences themselves. To put it quite simply my words for Lonnie Childs and his bloody idiotic cult members: go fuck yourselves, assholes! .
NOT a cult. We are an alternative religious movement. The misleading and offensive word “cult” is not welcomed here, Nicholas!
That’s because every article I read from this site has every people that follows you calling you a saint when in fact I believe you brainwashed them into believing your highly intolerant ideologies but however I apologize for using that “word” but I heavily disagree with what you believe in. If this is an alternate religious movement, it should advocate tolerance despite people going against your views and what you believe in
Your brand of liberal bullying sickens us all. Go cry back to Obama!
If there is one vibe I get from reading the articles on this site, it is intolerance against people that “masturbate ” and that generally feel that is forcing your religious views upon them. However I WILL stand my ground against intolerance of any sort.
Typical liberal: “I tolerate everyone…everyone except those who have a different opinion than mine, that is!” Sickening.
In addition treating women as “less gendered” and using “menstrual huts” and “anti-maturation cross” as a form of punishment for women & children is stupid and should be left behind in the Stone Age & the Dark Age. Currently some women have the potential to be equal to or greater than men while children do not have the logic to explain their actions
I prayed against your ridiculous comment, Nicholas. The only thing you got right was that “some women” are almost as good as men. Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, etc.
The story of how Lonnie became Fappy the douchebag:Once upon a time, not too long ago. There once was a pedophile dolphin, named Lonnie Childs. His girlfriend, Samantha, was swimming around the ocean. Then, out of nowhere, white shit started coming out from the world above the ocean. Samantha and Lonnie went and see what was happening. It was a fisherman on a ship, masturbating to pornography, at the end of the deck. Samantha and Lonnie heard of the word before, and knew what it meant. So, as the fisherman climaxed, his jizz hits Samantha in the blow hole, and… Read more »
Hmmm…seems pretty far-fetched! Masturbators DO have active imaginations, of course. They need it as fuel for each self-rape session.
Hey Lonnie SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FAGGOT PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT
Are you for real? I can believe there are people like this. Very strange ideas. But seriously this is a joke right?