New Report: John Denver Crashed Aircraft While Masturbating

PACIFIC GROVE,CALIF. — This week, forensic investigators announced that 53-year old singer-songwriter John Denver lost control of his light aircraft while masturbating, causing the plane to crash into Monterey Bay, Calif. 17 years ago.

denver3
The versatile John Denver began his musical career as a drummer

The case, which had been closed several years ago following an inconclusive investigation of Denver’s airplane crash, was reopened at the request of family members seeking closure to the tragic accident that resulted in the death of the popular singer on October 12, 1997.

A private team of forensic investigators requested and were given access to the wreckage of Denver’s light propeller-driven airplane,which have been held in storage at a hangar in Pacific Grove, Calif. Investigators reportedly found remains of semen stains in the cockpit and on the control panel of the aircraft utilizing special ultraviolet light (UV) scanners.

Denver’s propeller-driven aircraft crashed into the ocean off the California coast under mysterious circumstances, according to the initial report filed by the National Transportation Security Board (NTSB). Although Denver had had his pilot’s license restricted at the time, no charges related to the crash were filed, as he was deceased upon impact of his aircraft with the water.

Denver often worked on his own aircraft and had 2700 hours of flight experience prior to the tragedy
Denver often worked on his own aircraft and had 2700 hours of flight experience prior to the tragedy
“We’re seeing more incidents like this. More and more pilots take to the skies to be alone and abuse themselves. Oftentimes this results in tragedy, as it did with Mr. Denver,” said NTSB special investigator Paul Horner.
Lonnie Childs, Founder and President of Stop Masturbation Now Ministries, based in Safford, Ariz. issued a statement on the controversy involving the reopened case on John Denver:
“These new revelations about the cause of the crash come as no surprise. They never should have let Gilligan fly that plane. We just can’t allow masturbators to pilot aircraft. The results are deadly, whether it is the masterrorbationists crashing jets into the twin towers on 9/11 or pop star John Denver crashing into the ocean. Pilots need to keep their hands on their control stick, not their sin stick.”

From the desk of:

Prof. Milton H. Grits
Director of The Modesty in Media Project
Brother Lonnie’s University of FaithFacts™

With kind encouragement and assistance from
Sister K. Truffle
B.L.U.F.F. UK

john denver plane crash
Denver lost control of his aircraft while masturbating, plunging into ocean waters near Pacific Grove, Calif.

 

42 Comments on New Report: John Denver Crashed Aircraft While Masturbating

  1. Lonnie, come on. I am a Christian and I think this is a stupid website. It is stuff like this that brings Christianity down. It would not surprise me if you have been sexually harassed before, causing you to call all people you see sinning a “masturbator”. It is our God who says you should have mercy and grace towards people you disagree with. You are only making yourself look stupid. I would no longer consider this Christianity, but more of a cult of people thinking they are doing the right thing, almost on the same level of the Westboro Baptist Church.

    You are a disgrace, Lonnie.

  2. Nice job, you put pictures of Gilligan (Bob Denver) in an idiotic story about John Denver. Stay classy jackass!

  3. Milton don’t be cruel. The story is about John Denver but the pictures are of Bob Denver. Now more importantly are you going to help save me from the sin of self rape? You rub me and I’ll rub you so that we don’t rape ourselves? I bet we could get Truffle to be our fluffer and Cathy Redmond to be the clean up bitch. Is it a date or what?

    Praise

  4. And I’ll bet that our example could encourage others Milton. I bet we could get Carlos Danger and Jasper Centaur and some others to join us. We could get a whole circle of men to save each other from raping themselves and I’m sure that Truffle would be happy to fluffallthe men what with her experience at church and all the family reunions!

    Praise

  5. I’m probably older than you Milton. Now where are these male-staffed faith offices? Please give me the contact info and I’ll get in touch right away (pun intended)

    • Jimmy, the address for our BLUFF compound is; 75 Lonnie’s Loop, Safford, Arizona

      My personal tel no. is 1-880-276-6760 This will connect you straight through to the Cat Milking Facilities. We can discuss you taking the SMN pledge. Hope to hear from you soon.

      • Fluffle you gave me a bad phone number that number gives me a message saying that the number I dialed is invalid. As for the address I see it on google maps but I live in Glendale, AZ so I’d have to meet you halfway maybe in queen creek or something. But please give me a working telephone number. Thanks Fluffle!

    • Why do you masturbators misconstrue my Golden Shower with urination? It’s this kind of depraved obsession with filth that makes me come at the masturbators as hard as possible with love and prayers!

  6. Teacher caught me masturbating underneath the desk. She looked at me and winked, her eye said “see you after class”. I heard the school bell ring. That told me that the day was done. She called me back and locked the door. My lesson’s just begun.

    Sitting down she crossed her legs. Her skirt crept up her thigh. Feeling something start to rise my thoughts began to fly. You’ve been a naughty boy, she said, now that you can’t conceal. I’ll have to punish you the best way that I feel. She gave me a spanking I will never forget. Teacher’s pet. Teacher’s wet.

      • But Mo I live in Glendale, Arizona. Fluffle tried to give me a phone number but it was for a klu klux clan chapter. I don’t think that they can help me. I could still get to my sin stick even if I was wearing a white sheet plus I don’t hate black people.

        • By no means. We have no use for the the ridiculous Ku Klux Clowns, although back in the day we subleased space in the executive center. They may be white, but their money’s green.

          • I think that you organization is a front for the KKK and that you needed to find a use for the spare crosses in your warehouse so you came up with the anti masturbation cross because you couldn’t continue burning brown people!

  7. Then why did Fluffle give me their number saying that it was a method to get in touch with her directly. 888-276-6760? That is a number for the KKK!

  8. I don’t know what you are thinking. The bible says judge not lest you be judged. Slandering the names of people who might or might not be master bating. May you be judged by the same standard you pervert. It is really non of your bussiness what people do with a consenting adult, and i think its a given if they are the only one there, they consent.
    Were you abused? Is that why your so fixated on this? Did you walk in on someone master bating and it scarred you emotionally?
    I am really quite offended by your ideology. This only makes this more enticing for people. What about women? Is master baton ok for us? What exactly is the sin?

    If you are going to slander a person, don’t you think you could take the time to get the correct persons picture? Or did you intend to slander both of them? I hope they or their familyies sue the shit out of you

    You will be in my prayers, hopeing you can finally see God’s real message is love. Yes even self love.

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