New Research Demonstrates Obama Masturbates More Than Any Other President

Safford, AZ-

 In groundbreaking research released today, it was proven that President Barack Obama masturbates more than any other President. The independent research think tank Foundation For a Better Tomorrow detailed months of research that found that the 44th President masturbates at double the rate of the next high-masturbation President.

“We have always known Obama to be a sinful, nefarious creature, and now we have the proof that he is himself a prolific self-rapist.” Said Lonald “Lonnie” Childs, the head of Stop Masturbation NOW ministries. “Just look at his hunched over back, non-normal skin and beady eyes, devoid of all humanity. His leadership is non-existent because of the chemicals released during mgraph-2asturbation have addled his brain. All he does is fantasize and masturbate while our great nation goes down the tubes. I pray at him”

The study, using available data which goes back to 1969, shows President Obama masturbates approximately 70 times per week. Former President Bill Clinton came in second at 35 sessions of self-rape per week with Jimmy Carter coming in third at 31 sessions.

Childs and other religious leaders have increasingly begun to call for greater oversight into Obama’s masturbation habits as the United States struggles domestically with immigration and the economy. As increasing data comes out demonstrating the harmful effects of masturbation, the public is increasingly sensitive to the destruction it causes, especially with those in power.

“I met with the man and counseled him extensively. I feel as though the only way for him to turn around his Presidency is to come to BLUFF University here in Arizona for reprogramming education and counseling from my High Deacons and myself. I am troubled for the future of this great nation of Christ, if something is not done soon.”

About Leonard Chimball, Jr. 5 Articles
Leonard Chimball, Jr., PhD is a licensed Psychologist and works as faculty on the BLUFF Arizona staff. Dr. Chimball divides his time directing the transportation and importing of new students to BLUFF, teaching classes in behavioral FaithFacts, and as a practicing psychotherapist.

27 Comments on New Research Demonstrates Obama Masturbates More Than Any Other President

    • YALL,,,, who care if obama be jackin it on the daily???? he was tryna save the us&a…. y’all bitches be thinin he ain’t shit but y’all so uptite bout what he do with his dick. y’all married to him or somethin? y’all be carin too damn much what he do that ain’t y’all business. y’all be so uptight cause y’all ain’t jackin it. y’all try mastubatin, y’all’ll be so happy bout shit. if y’all tried doin a little to make yaself happy, this dam country wouldn’t be the leadin home of tha f-boys. y’all ….. don’t even get me started hahaha …

  1. This explains a lot……… Now that this article breaks it down. Now everything makes sense. His furious self rape sessions is whats wrong with our Economy, Congress, Senate and everything else that the POTUS touches.

    Which is probably sticky and disgusting, knowing he abuses his Sin Stick so much.

    I fear for the end of the world is near.


    • Praise, Brother Rev. Tuggins. You nailed it well. How will this country – and the world – ever recover? With Faith, Hope and Lonnie’s teachings.

      God Bless,

      Milton H. Grits

    • I agree that Saddam Hussein Obama is far worse by comparison. Nixon did have that Monika Jewinsky scandal. Although he wasn’t doing the genital abuse. It was still a disgusting act.

      Praying for you, with high praise.


    • My guess is he will receive another Nobel Peace Prize for his selfless acts of public protection.

      If the POTUS is masturbating. That’s less of a chance of him impregnating his Post op Transsexual wife.

      And another demon child on earth would spell disaster for all. Look at Kim Jong Un?

      Either way, both scenarios make me want to bath in bleach.

      Praying for you, my son.


  2. Comrade Obama can’t masturbate you ableist scum! Like all good socialist myn, xe is a eunuch, and totally genderfluid. Xis children were adopted from the Peoples Artsem Ministry Of Persons of Color (PAMOPOC), because socialist myn don’t rape womyn to produce offspring. Obama is also not Michelle’s “husband”, xe is xer “non-
    dominating genderfluid-spousal unit of color’. Go educate yourself. Then go kill yourself.

  3. Guys you are hillarious! Do you have a evening or tv show? Found this site an hour ago and can’t stop laughting! You are the funniest site i ever came by.
    Please keep up the good work!


  4. I met him two weeks ago and he gave me a handshake.
    Since this day, i can’t stop myself from masturbating at least twice a day.
    Do you think it’s contagious ?
    Please, help me, i don’t know what to do.

  5. “I pray at him” was enough to almost make me barf while laughing, and that’s kinda dangerous.

  6. Obumma ain’t smart enugh to ring no devil’s doorbell. He ain’t ben smart enugh fer anyting elsh.

  7. Whoa. Pray against? That’s the first time I’ve ever heard such a phrase. I think I’ll go double click my mouse, or as you say masturbate, to two women having sex.

  8. I still don’t know who this non-normal is. I guess it’s better that I don’t. Folks never have anything good to say about him.

  9. Wow. I thought people this stupid didn’t exist until now. I am so lucky to be in the north.

  10. This “president” is like a 8 year natural disaster. We would be better off if a comet hit us.

    • I agree Augustus,Obama can’t even find Osamba Been Loudn or his own Birth certificate. At least G.W.B (the shrub) listened to GOD and found all those W.M.D., helpt the economy, the poor, & the sick

  11. This is ridiculous. You failed to research the Kennedy family; surely, John F. Kennedy and Teddy were engines of masturbation and oceans of semen. You should be researching YouTube videos from J. Edgar Hoover and Walt Disney. May Jesus favor you with scourging. Praise on high.

    • Because it’s a sin in the eyes of the lord. Do you want to go to hell? Stop flapping your sin stick.

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