The sickening and immoral trend of reprobate pro-mastubation troglodytes of The United States, #1 country of all time, of “masturdating” has infected our population, like one of the various plagues that were predicted to accompany the End of The World Masturbation Apocalypse.
Masturbators, long proven by our forces, to be horrible and diseased sub-humans, have taken to dating themselves, in a further attempt by Satan to end the world, by means of wanton depravity. Masturbators across the USA have been witnessed taking themselves out to a “nice dinner” or a “popular film” (in some particularly wretched cases, BOTH), in a thinly guised attempt to “unwind”. However, says B.L.U.F.F Campound and High Tension Steel Production Facility and Foundry Concern LLC, of Safford AZ, nothing could be further from the horrible truth.
Says Dr Skipstopher P. Enis, noted Masturbation Epidemiologist:
” It’s disgusting. Nothing is sacred. The masturbators will literally do anything, like anything at all while “masturdating”. They say it’s to “unwind”, but then they eat spicy and stimulating foods, drink inebriating beverages and watch arousing violence and lust filled flims! It’s pretty obvious, even to a half-witted full-retard, that this is just the masturbators masturdating themselves to “charge up” for marathon self-rape sessions.
Sir Liam McKay, honorable marriage counselor and sexual deviance expert at B.L.U.F.F said, in regards:
“Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Horner) went to the movies by himself. “
Brother Lonnie Childs was unavailable for comment as he is currently in Bogota Columbia, negotiating free pharmaceutical dispensation for B.L.U.F.F. elders, but released a statement:
Good Normals of Earth,
I, your Savior, command we must stop masturdating now! Praise!