Scooters Deemed Most Holy and Non-Masturbatory Form of Motorcycle.

Non-Scooters to be destroyed by burning.

Brother Lonnie has SPOKEN! Praise!

SAFFORD- ARIZONA (SMNNN)

In a revelation, His Resplendence  Saint Lonnie Childs has decreed motor scooters to be the most  Holy of all motorcycles.

Praise the chosen motorcycles of our Lords!
Praise the chosen motorcycles of our Lords!

Brother Lonnie stated that he was visited by a beautiful seraphim, which along with granting Brother Lonnie The Secret of  The Universe, also decreed scooters to be superior to all other forms of motorcycle.

” And then the angel of the Lords flew me back from the Endless Tom Collins Fountains of the Celestial Country Club, and she was radiant. She lifted me in her arms, and spoke to my soul, and said, ‘ Lonald, The Lords think scooters are the bee’s knees. Go forth and decree them Holiest of Holy motorcycles, for they are not masturbatory. Great is the faith, and strong are the morals of the scooter motorcyclist, for they sit inside the frame in piety. As the heathen straddles the frame of the Harley Davidson and begets sin and disgrace, so the scooter motorcyclist begets glory and life everlasting in the kingdom of Eternal Normals.’

Then we went to Sizzler. Man angels are cool! Praise! “

   -St Lonald C. Childs III, SMN Exalted Leader!

As such, non-scooter motorcycles are to be disposed of in the B.L.U.F.F Burning Circle. B.L.U.F.F staff and faculty members that ride scooters have been granted a 700% pay increase.

I graciously accept my 700% pay increase! Praise!
I graciously accept my 700% pay increase!
Praise!
About Thomas Kelly 62 Articles

Thomas Kelly, SMN Faithscience Editor, is the Dean of several B.L.U.F.F’s, as well as the preeminent authority on Faithscience. In addition these lofty titles, he is also a powerful wizard, and holds over fifty non-secular PHDs.

5 Comments on Scooters Deemed Most Holy and Non-Masturbatory Form of Motorcycle.

  1. For what Lonald hath decreed as sacred, let all fall upon their faces in reverence! May all motorcycle riders crash and burn in a fiery blaze that shalt send their filthy souls to the fourth circle of quadruple hell!

  2. You guys know how much I respect Lonnie. But I’m a Cultural Attache for crying out loud. It’s a very important diplomatic post. I can’t be seen on a scooter. It is inappropriate.

    • God save you from your bulging self-worship! Fall down on your knees and obey your prophet Lonnie blindly. Praying at you heavy duty, hair- palms!

      • I don’t have anywhere to park it. Plus the helmet would mess up my gorgeous hair. Get out of here Gayhab, you’re killing my vibe.

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