STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket® Successfully Deployed At Arizona Juvenile Detention Center

The strait jacket reduced masturbation by 100% in their facility, claims spokesman

Lonnie Childs received great news over the weekend when the Graham County Juvenile Detention Center in Safford, Arizona delivered the results of a three-month study on the effectiveness of the Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®. According to spokesman Dennis E. Cross of the GCJDC, “We found Mr. Childs’s jackets were of great benefit to our juvenile detention officers. Our staff found a staggering 100% reduction in sexual misconduct amongst our youth detainees that were kept in the jackets. One can’t argue with those types of results.”

According to Mr. Cross, the Graham County JDC will sign an exclusive contract with Lonnie Childs to provide the detention center with “more jackets and other restraint systems for alternative uses”. When pressed for more information, Mr. Cross declined to state what other faith products that they plan to incorporate at their center.

Brother Hunter Runyon, speaking on behalf of Brother Lonnie Childs, shared the enthusiasm on theGCJDC’s test, “This is great news as it validates Brother Lonnie’s mission!”. Brother Runyon added that, “We’re going to have extend the working hours as it will be tough for the children to make enoughstrait jackets to keep up with this new demand.” As of press time, all of Brother Lonnie’s faith restraint products are still hand-made by children workers at the Safford, Arizonacampound.

Surveillance footage from the Graham County Juvenile Detention Center shows a teen unable to masturbate.
Surveillance footage from the Graham County Juvenile Detention Center shows a teen inmate unable to masturbate.

“We were more than willing to help out a local businessman like Mr. Childs,” explained Cross. “The local law has its differences with their group for a while now. But, after looking at Mr. Childs’s aims and goals, we found them surprisingly similar to what local law enforcement is also hoping to achieve.” Mr. Cross also mentioned that his superiors have reached out to the Graham County Sheriff’s Department to hopefully convince them to use more of Brother Lonnie’s tactics in the jails and adult centers they oversee. “The reduction in masturbation amongst inmates of all ages is a big concern in Graham County” said Cross. “While always a problem with adult inmates, masturbation in the sexually charged 9 – 17 year olds we house here has been a huge concern. Thanks to these methods, we hope to maintain a 0% masturbation level in our facility.”

Brother Runyon doesn’t anticipate any delays on shipments to private customers who have purchased faith products from Stop Masturbation Now. “We’ll just cut down on breaks, meals and if needed combine prayer classes into the work periods for the children on the assembly lines,” explained Runyon.

About Cathy Redmond 108 Articles
Cathy Redmond is a graduate of University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, earning degrees in English and Political Science. She likes long walks in the desert, strong Conservative leadership and America.

33 Comments on STOP Masturbation NOW Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket® Successfully Deployed At Arizona Juvenile Detention Center

  1. All of you are taking your religion to the next fucking level. Have some class for Christ sake you crazy pieces of shit. Masturbation is a private matter not something to be publicly discussed.

    • Why? Why would you do something like this to children? Do you really have to make those kids feel even worse about themselves? It’s already bad enough that they have messed up enough to be locked up, now you’re putting a straitjacket on them. Do you even understand what kind of abuse that is. It’s like hogtying someone for doing a breast examination. What, are you gonna speak out against those next?

  2. Having your kids in (Anti-Masturbation) Strait Jacket is actually more unnatural than Masturbation. Especially in the teenage years it’s actually good. Various medical and psychological benefits have been attributed to masturbation.

  3. “Our staff found a staggering 100% reduction in sexual misconduct amongst our youth detainees that were kept in the jackets. One can’t argue with those types of results.”

    Of course, if you cut off everyone’s hands, you would see a “staggering” 100% reduction in stealing, too, but that doesn’t mean it’s a reasonable response to theft.

  4. I am sorry but you sound exactly like any other cult in history. When did God come down and tell you to rule the world? In my bible it says there will be a false God and he will be the anti-Christ. Are you him? I am starting to believe so.

  5. Blow off Anti Hate! What gives you the right to tell others how to raise their children?

  6. No to masturbation. We must end the madness and sin that is masturbation. The Lord wants lots and lots of sodomy. Double and triple pennetration. Fisting for Jesus is the only answer to save your soul.

  7. I started masturbating at 5 and i cant stop fuck you jesus SCIENTOLOGY IS MY LIFE #jerkoffforzenu

  8. I’m trying to figure out if this is a fake site similar to The Onion or if this is real…

  9. It’s not self rape because you are doing it by choice… I don’t do it because it’s just not something I think I would enjoy

    But you guys need to calm tf down ISNT it a form of rape to stop someone from having sex when they want to?

  10. Find a real hot chili pepper, squeeze out the juice, and place the juice on their sin zones. They will have zero desire to stroke it. Works real well for adults too. You might want to gag them to stifle the screams.

  11. This is outrageous, horrifying, and appalling. I sincerely hope this is a distasteful satire website. If not, you are abusing childern in so many ways! And perverted! Are you watching children touch themselves?! How else would you think this is a problem!! Also–making children manufacture these “restraints” and threatening to take away meals and other basic human rights IS child abuse! This angers me sooo much! You need to be reported to local, state, and federal agenices for you actions! This makes me sick!

  12. I just googled because of a ridiculous facebook post. I seriously thought it was a joke… Are you on fucking drugs??????????????????? you belong in the same place as child rapists and people like Kim Jong Un. Seriously if this is real and anyone who is in any way, shape or form even slightly responsible for anything related to this you should be admitted to a mental health hospital for psychiatric evaluation… and if deemed mentally fit then you should be put in a deep dark black CIA prison facility that tells the rest of the world you are dead while living out the rest of your days in a place of the utmost pain and misery while being barely kept alive but not being allowed to die… because seriously you deserve it. This is torture… don’t take what i am saying lightly.. I seriously mean that this is as bad as if not worse than what Hitler did with concentration camps in world war II AND YOU ARE DOING IT TO FUCKING KIDS. YOU ARE DEMON SCOURGE THAT WILL BURN IN HELL FOR THIS.

  13. I wish you don’t have kids. You’re not allowed to have kids. And you know what I wish you burn in hell. But don’t be afraid there is no hell, neither heaven. Only sick, very sick people like you. You’re a shame for USA people. Your website with all your bull shit is worse than global porn site watched by children. I do masturbate, so does my wife and I know so does my kids. And according you I’ll going to hell. So see you there.

  14. Cathy my god that face, it looks like you really need to be fucked or at least you should fucking touch yourself.

  15. This looks a whole lot like child abuse to me. These poor kids are likely to grow up with some serious mental health issues. Masturbation is a normal, natural human behavior.

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