BREAKING: Obama Just Released 61 Masturbators BACK ON THE STREETS!

Obama Commutes the Sentences of 61 Self-Rapists

President Barack Obama has always has been soft on hardened  self-rape crime. His opposition to self-celibacy and his attitude toward the shameful hands-to-genitalia crime have made America less safe.

Today, we see just how immoral and dangerous Obama is during his final year in the White House. He just abused his power and commuted the prison sentences of 61 self-rapists who were arrested on sodomy offenses. Some of the crimes were so serious, they were currently serving life-sentences! A few of the self-rapists also had charges involving pedophilia…

Obama, in a letter to the masturbators receiving commutations, said the presidential power to grant commutations and pardons “embodies the basic belief in our democracy that people deserve a second chance after having made a mistake in their lives that led to a conviction under our laws.”

The latest gaggle of commutations brings to 248 the total number of self-rapists whose terms Obama has commuted — more than the past six presidents combined, the White House said. The pace of commutations and the rarer use of pardons are expected to increase as the end of Obama’s presidency nears.

“Throughout the remainder of his time in office, the president is committed to continuing to issue more grants of clemency as well as releasing masturbators into the public.” said Neil Egghead, the White House counsel, in a blog post.

Criminals arrested for serious, felony self-rape crimes should serve their sentence in prison, instead of being out on the streets occupying jack-houses and menacing the citizens with their circle jerks and lewd parties. Obama’s activist Justice Department have been lobbying for weaker sentences and expanded leniency toward self-celibacy improvement laws.

Now, dozens of snake handlers are back on the streets and can get back to making our communities more dangerous and perverted. How pathetic!

About Cassidy Pen 80 Articles
Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, a retired US Marine, Actor, and Security Head-Receiver at B.L.U.F.F. Female Intake, now writes for a number of nationally respected news agencies. A winner of the prestigious Bill O'Reily "No-Spin" Award, Cassidy also runs a daytime street ministry to save souls from the sin of self rape. An avid hunter and manufacturer of distilled spirits, Cassidy would probably be found deep in the woods during his free time.
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12 Comments on BREAKING: Obama Just Released 61 Masturbators BACK ON THE STREETS!

  1. How is it “self-rape” if you are wanting to masterbate? Rape is unconsented sex done by one other or multiple other people
    Sooo bottom line, a person can’t rape themselves

    • I am very obsessed with what straight white men do privately. I don’t want them to masturbate to pictures/videos of wombyn getting exploited or playing violent/sexist video games with their stemlord dudebros friends. I want government surveillance. Inside every government-owned housing unit. I am a true socialist.

      • you’re also nuts. i feel bad that you are more concerned with what others are doing reather than experiencing life and spreading love.
        have fun being bat shit. i’ll be masturbating to your post. HARD

  2. I think this is funny, i enjoy reading these. You guys are a bunch of crazies, i masterbate every day because i enjoy it.

  3. Y’all are getting worked up over nothing. If it’s something that they do IN PRIVATE, you shouldn’t have to worry about it.

  4. What is the world going to? How dumb can someone be? How someone can be so desperate, wild and uneducated to actually touch himself. That’s why God created womans and fags; do not allow His effort be in vain

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