Target Allows Transgender People to Masturbate in Restroom of Their Choosing

A businessman pulling back his skirt to reveal a target symbol.

Earlier this week, French-owned retailer “Target (pronounced, tar-jay)” announced that it will allow transgender people to use and masturbate in whatever restroom they choose to.  This new corporate policy comes amid new laws in North Carolina, Mississippi and Tennessee which restrict access to public restrooms based upon gender.

A spokesman for Target issued a statement, but it was in French, so nobody understood what it meant.  When STOP Masturbation NOW asked a Target employee for a comment, store greeter Steven Wachovina said, “Y’all know them dudes that wear women’s clothes and molest little kids?  Yea, well they get to use the ladies room now, which means us regular guys don’t need to get weirded out anymore when we pee.”

Liberal groups like the Christian Coalition have come out against such policies, claiming that allowing transgender people to use the restroom of their choosing will lead to sexual assault, beyond self-rape.

In an effort to be fair and balanced, STOP Masturbation NOW reached out to an individual we went ahead and assumed was supportive of the new law, allowing people to masturbate at Target, however, Richard Simmons’s publicist declined to comment.

About Liam McKey 44 Articles
Liam McKey is a former combat veteran and owner of the only Vegan-Certified ranch in the United States. He has two normal teenage children with his same-race wife. Liam is active in the community of Safford, Arizona where he lives. Mr. McKey is an expert on teenage masturbation addiction and has many degrees from various non-accredited faith-based colleges.
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5 Comments on Target Allows Transgender People to Masturbate in Restroom of Their Choosing

  1. ITS TIME TO STOP!!!!!! Why would you automatically assume that gay people masturbate in every fucking bathroom they go into. I bet I could be talking about genocide in Africa, and you would still find a way to bring shit like this up.

  2. Actually, genicide in Africa is caused by masturbation. Africans are typically very opposed to masturbation, so when a bunch of masturbators come along, genicide usually follows them.

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